Miss Lonelyhearts

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently forgot my girlfriend’s birthday and went to the bar with my friends instead. She phoned me at 10 p.m. and told me I was dumped. So, I got a little drunker and went over at midnight to her parents’ house where she lives and started singing Happy Birthday to her out on the front lawn!

Her dad came out and told me, “Get lost and never come back!” and that he was calling the cops next. My two buddies and I took off fast.

Now my girlfriend won’t even pick up the phone. It was just a little mistake. I really do love her! It was a bit late, but I put a stuffed animal and a card on her lawn last night saying I loved her. What can I do next?

— Blew It For Good? South St. Vital

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My son has just announced to us he fell in love with a special guy this summer, and it’s serious. My wife called me at work — the minute after he left our house from telling her.

We had strongly suspected our son was not straight, but we hadn’t really thought about how we’d feel if he found a guy he was serious about. Apparently that time has arrived. Now what? We don’t have any experience with gay people in our family and we really don’t want to blow it by being unintentionally rude.

— Gay Son’s Parents, St. James

Dear Son’s Parents: Your best reaction is a simple statement like this to your son: “We love you and we’ll definitely support you and the person you discover is right for you, loves you and treats you well.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I knew my girlfriend was a private nudist in her tiny house, but I thought she’d drop that whole crazy thing when she moved in with me to my big place with a pool.

Apparently, she thought I’d come over to her way of thinking and imagined we’d both walk around naked and have hooks by the front door with kimonos to grab in a hurry. But, no — that’s not happening.

Instead, she’s nude all the time and peeks her face around the door to see who’s on the doorstep. If it’s one of her nudist friends, she just opens the door wide and lets them in.

I got a laugh out of it when she first moved in but at this point, there have been more than a few delivery people come to the door, or one of my friends, and then I hear, “Hold on! Gotta get dressed!” yelled out the door. She’s basically telling them she’s naked — I don’t find that cute or funny.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: A guy my age from Alberta contacted me though Facebook during a scary situation in my fire-threatened town in northern Manitoba, and asked very sympathetically about what I was going through at the time. We got really close during the worst of the fires, but now the extreme danger has passed in my area, he has just faded away from me, like I’m old news.

There’s no more sweet talk on the phone, no more comforting me and telling me he’d come to see me as soon as he can. I’m not the only woman in my area in this situation, either. A couple of my girlfriends basically got used for personal news reports and descriptions of the uncertain, terrifying experience.

These guys faded right out after the fires receded in our area. My guy was single (or so he says), but one of my girlfriend’s guys was married with a wife and four kids!

I think now my “hero” was getting off on my daily reports of the looming calamity. He was posting his Superman-style “I could save you” messages on Facebook to me, plus he made late-night phone calls.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My very new boyfriend of less than a month, who’s in his mid-30s, just heard from his ex-girlfriend that she thinks she’s pregnant with his child. He asked her for solid proof — like a note from her doctor with the results — but that’s not happening. I know she’s just playing with his emotions to get him back.

He’s always wanted children, so she’s working that angle as a last resort. But I know this woman is really in love with her career and she didn’t want any kids until she couldn’t try get him to stay with her any other way.

Her big blunder is she said he would just have to learn to enjoy his nephews and nieces and do more with them, as she wasn’t interested in being a mom. That’s when he finally broke things off with her.

He’s a successful man, but really wants his own kids to raise.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband literally screamed at our young daughter repeatedly recently, and I felt my blood pressure skyrocket into stroke territory! She was playing in her room rather loudly, and his home office is next door. So, he went in there and literally screamed bloody murder at her, like a monster! He totally lost it on our little one, and terrified her. She sobbed and sobbed.

He used to be such a calm guy, but his workplace has been taking advantage of him lately, and his sleazy brother keeps trying to borrow money from him. But still, there is no excuse for this kind of abuse.

I was so upset that I grabbed my husband by the arm and physically yanked him out of the room as our daughter was crying uncontrollably. I told him if he ever did that again, I’d leave him on the spot and take her with me.

He just condescendingly told me to calm down. Now we’re sleeping in separate bedrooms. I’ve lost so much love and respect for him and I certainly do not want my child growing up subjected to this kind of behaviour. What should I do now?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When my wife and I were first dating, she had a few super-cool tattoos. She was a pretty high-level athlete, and the ink accented her arms. Well, over five years she’s kept on getting more and more tattoos. Recently she said she’ll be adding a “chest piece” — that goes way over the line for me!

I don’t want to have sex and see a bunch of ink drawings. I just want to see a beautiful naked woman’s chest when we’re being intimate. Instead, she’ll look more like she’s covered up, even when she’s naked.

We just had a big fight about it yesterday, and she insists she’s still going to get her chest all tattooed. I don’t want to give her an ultimatum, but if I’m no longer attracted to her after that, what am I supposed to do? Get some Viagra pills to get turned on enough to have sex with my wife?

— Not Happening! West End

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I completely packed up and came home from the lake much earlier than any other year. I felt tears coming while driving away because of how much the smoke has put a damper on things. I can count the number of visits I made this summer on one hand, and that includes weekends where I came home partway through, because the smoke was so strong.

Some of my favourite neighbours have already sold and, to be honest, it just won’t be the same without them. What can I do to stop myself from sliding into a big rut? I almost feel like selling my cabin, too. I’m past camping in tents and my back wouldn’t want be up to it, anyway. Poor me! Listen to me cry over worst summer of my lake life. Any suggestions for next year?

—Smoked Out, River Heights

Dear Smoked: You’re feeling down, but you’re not out. The good news is you might not have to break up with your lake. Take the pressure off yourself right now and get into a “wait-and-see” healing period. No decisions are needed right now. If you do end up selling you could buy a fancy RV or tent-trailer, and you could always reverse the decision down the road and buy a different cabin in a safer location.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met my Italian-Canadian husband in early September exactly one year ago, when the leaves were turning. We had both been single and lonely for way too long.

We were married three months later at Christmas, and I really wanted a child, even twins! But somehow, we haven’t seemed to be able to get pregnant, with even one child.

Well, now I’m begging to go on a belated honeymoon to romantic Italy, where his relatives with all their children and grandchildren live. Maybe that will help us conceive. They have loads of children — toddlers to teenagers in his extended family.

My husband says, “I’d like to get to know my relatives better and party with them too, but please don’t hint for more wedding celebrations for us, over there.” I won’t do that, but I’m secretly hoping some of their ability to build big families will rub off on us. Also, why was he so rude about “more” wedding celebrations?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love my wife, but unfortunately, I’m falling for the sweet new woman who’s moved in next door — and is over here visiting all the time. She’s a younger woman coming off a divorce, who bought a little house to fix up.

Sadly, she’s everything I always wanted in a woman — but didn’t marry. Instead, I married a woman who’s in an artistic field and thinks herself sophisticated. That wore out its welcome for me early on.

This new neighbour is fun-loving and sporty like me, with a muscled body from working out and the longest shiny hair right down to her bum.

It’s a struggle not to stare at her. I never went after a girl as hot as this when I was younger, because I didn’t think I stood a chance, but yesterday when I caught her staring at me, she smiled and winked at me. We were flirting — no doubt about it.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love people’s second marriages, where two people who first made mediocre choices finally marry their way-back loves. I really need to do the same thing. There’s nothing wrong with my wife, except for the fact she packed up and left me. Apparently I am a colossal bore.

What a wake-up call. She had never really been the one I truly desired either. Truth be told, I actually preferred her sister.

Then I got another happy shock when I learned an exciting married woman (there had been some serious mutual flirting between us in the past) just pulled herself free from her soul-sucking husband.

Now I want to show up at her place some night in a hot convertible, honking my horn and yelling, “Hey, babe — come on out and jump in. Let me take you on a wild ride.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: In my romantic life, I’ve been involved with three blond guys. I always choose men who look like my first love. That guy still lives in my small city and says he’s grateful he escaped my hair obsession. That makes me laugh. What isn’t funny is all my guys look like fair-haired men of Dutch descent.

I finally moved away from southeastern rural Manitoba, then along comes this handsome blond guy in July and I was a total goner. I took him home to the annual summer fair, and he met my parents.

After dinner, my mother asked me to do dishes with her like we used to.

Once we were alone, she said, “You have a ‘hung-up’ my girl.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went to a school reunion this summer and it sucked because I was too chicken to ask my old love out. I’ve been dying to contact her ever since. She looked so amazing and sounded even better at the different get-togethers.

In the end we talked for two hours straight and ignored everybody else. Then we went out in the field behind the school — the place where we had once kissed and said “I love you” after my team won the football final. I was a big hero in those days.

I know where she works and where she lives now, but she told me in a regretful tone at the reunion that she had a boyfriend, though she added that he was not a keeper.

I didn’t respond because I was too choked to say, “Phone me when you punt that loser.” My heart was beating out of my chest.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just endured the most lonely and awful summer of my life. My family and I stayed mostly huddled indoors by the TV, barely able to make ends meet and not knowing many people in the city at all.

My husband and I split in May and the kids and I moved into the south end of the city where I got a job that barely pays for rent, bills and food.

I finally bought a rust-bucket of a car, so we can get to the grocery stores and such more easily, but we’re not feeling secure and happy. Can you please steer me in a direction where I can get some help for myself and my kids?

— Feeling Sad, Fort Garry

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend from junior high moved away with her parents when we were both in Grade 9, and we were never in contact through high school.

She was awesome and had braces and long wavy red-gold hair that ran down her back. She would sometimes rip out her braid in class and spread her hair across her back with her fingers. I paid attention when she did that. Sometimes she would even ask me to help, and I certainly never forgot that.

Now she is back here for university and found me on Instagram and asked me to hang out. I met her at Assiniboine Park and hardly recognized her. Her red hair still looked wild in the sunshine, though.

Over lunch she said she wanted to thank me for how I treated her like an equal in school. I said, “But you are more than that, and always were.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a mechanic in a medium-sized town and live beside my garage, but my girlfriend is a real farmer. You should see her up on her tractor — queen of the land. Her property is right by my parents’ farm.

Not long ago, my mom became ill and died, and my sweet farmer mate helped my dad and me by working my parents’ fields and in many other ways as well. This definitely brought us closer together as a couple and our relationship has evolved into something deeper. But now we’ve been confronted by a somewhat tricky problem.

My father, who had been kind of losing it due to grief and loneliness after my mom’s passing, found himself a new woman recently. But my dad is already fighting with his new mate and now he’s missing my mom even more. He can be a foul-mouthed ball of pain and is upsetting everybody around him.

How can my girlfriend and I help fix this big mess?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a newly-retired woman who woke up with a jolt one morning and saw/dreamed a sign in the air above my head that said clearly: “Move back home.”

I had nothing better to do, so I packed a big bag of food and drove straight out to my hometown. On arrival, I drove up and down the little streets, and went into both cafés. On leaving the second one, I ran into a recognizable woman from my school days, walking a small pack of dogs! She invited me to join her, walking her pups. We talked like old times and she invited me to her place for coffee.

I confessed that I was toying with moving back to the country and she said, “Funny thing! Three houses have just come up for sale recently. I know the owners. Want to go see them?” So, we got three walk-throughs without appointments, and a welcome like you’d never get in the city.

I loved one of the little houses, and it had a charming “studio” upstairs. That was a huge “sign” for me, so I phoned my lawyer. Now I’m seriously thinking of buying that house and moving this fall.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My fiancé — a youngest sibling — has just said he doesn’t think he wants to have any children! Although we didn’t really talk much about this before our engagement last year, I just presumed that, like me, he’d want a family with several children fairly close in age, as with my family. He always enjoys my family’s hi-jinx, and I always took that to mean he’d want a pile of kids!

But now he’s loosening up a bit and telling me about his past — like how his older siblings never wanted him hanging around and spoiling their fun. They hated to babysit him and would make him stay in his little room whenever their folks were out at night. His mom and dad would just pull out of the driveway and the older kids would shove him inside his room and lock it, and let him sob until he fell asleep on the floor.

My husband won’t listen to anything I tell him about absolutely avoiding any possible repeat of that. His life as a child with his older siblings was one big trauma he doesn’t like to talk about, ever.

What now? Should I leave the man? I do love him and feel sorry about his past, but I really want to have a loving family be kind parents. I don’t know if marrying him would be fair to anyone.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently saw my ex-husband on my final day out at the beach for the year. He was looking fantastic — so muscular and tanned. He was there with a couple of guys who were also obviously bodybuilders. I must admit I gawked when I saw my ex somewhat sensually touching several different guys’ biceps on the beach.

I quickly pulled my towel up over my long, red hair as it dawned on me he wasn’t judging for some type of contest or comparison. I ran from the beach before he spotted me and things turned awkward.

The question that’s bugging me is this: Was my husband secretly into hanging with this particular male group while we were married and maybe even before? They’re way too touchy-feelie a group for heterosexual guys. How do I find out the exact score on this?

— Really Need to Know, Osborne Village

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I retired and finally started having a real affair with a man I’d always desired and flirted with while we worked together.

Years ago, he was a real scamp at the pub when we went for after-work drinks. I was the “saucy brat” type, so we really clicked. There was lots of playful name-calling and heated discussions going on between us!

We always went out to the bar with other people — a kind of unspoken rule. We both seemed to know we were in danger of going too far if we didn’t, especially after I got divorced from my husband.

So now, here we are in 2025 actually seeing each other, and I do mean all of each other! People from work must guess at how far things have gone.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We’re just making a big list of the annual gang of visitors who come here to our big cabin to visit at summer’s’ end. They come at the invitation of my wonderful party-loving wife. They love the big cottage-closing experience at our amazing lake.

Mostly, my wife’s sisters come with their half-grown kids and husbands. She has a big diverse family — and we party for several days and nights running. The women love my wife’s generous hosting style.

At night, her sisters take turns babysitting, while the others who want to drink can stay up partying and playing games. Everybody plays musical instruments, too!

However, it costs a lot of money to host this big bash, and we are pretty much pay for everything, every year. I really pitch in, but the others often don’t, because it’s under our roof and they have to travel here.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband recently came home early to the city from our cottage, where he’s been secretly finishing up a huge business proposal for his new venture. Unfortunately, he didn’t call or text to let me know, and I was at my new man friend’s place for one of our last nights together before cottage season ends. I even had my phone nearby in case my husband called.

My husband is not stupid and suspected who I would be with. He knows the guy and is also aware I’ve always had a major crush on him. He also knows where my lover lives and decided it was time to stop by and try to confront us.

He saw my car out front and banged and banged on the guy’s door, waking neighbours on both sides. We kept the lights off and didn’t answer. People yelled at him out their windows and threatened to call the cops, so he just honked a bunch of times and left.

Now he says he wants what is a ridiculous financial settlement from me for the harm he says I’ve done to his emotional health and for his failure to finish his proposal on time. What now?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Recently I ran into a former “metal-muncher” like me who also had big old-fashioned braces like mine, way back when were in junior high. We became friends, bonding over the orthodontics thing — and we were both also hiding being gay back then.

We both look great now, with our beautiful teeth, and I am openly “out” while he is only cautiously so.

I asked him to go for a friendly dinner at a restaurant nearby, my treat. We talked for almost two hours, but at the end, he seemed to be sitting there lost in thought. Then he suddenly got a frown on his face and took his phone to the back of the restaurant and called somebody.

He came back and said, “I don’t know how to tell you this, but this date or whatever it is, just isn’t working for me. I need to go and see my boyfriend. He knows I’m here, but not why exactly, and who you were to me in my life.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife wants to sell our cabin after this awful summer of smoke, but I told her no. We’re down to a lot of bitter arguing and last night I finally exploded.

I said to her, “The thing I like least about you is your cowardice, and you’ve been teaching our kids all summer how to be afraid. Now you want to sell the cabin they love, just in case there’s another dangerous summer sometime?”

The kids were in their bedrooms and heard the fighting, but didn’t come out. This morning my son asked me in tears if I was going to leave the family because of the smoke.

It broke my heart to hear his scared little voice, so I promised him I would not leave him. (I couldn’t promise anything on his mother’s behalf, though.)

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife and I moved into a new housing development at the beginning of the summer, and more than a few of us have pools. Since we’re all new, we started inviting each other to parties in our backyards.

My wife and I are older — in our late 40s — whereas this group is mostly 10 or so years younger. As a happy couple, we are fun people to have around — not stuffy at all. But when we head home, usually fairly early, from these get-togethers, we both wonder what happens after we leave and it gets dark.

I just have a feeling about it because I have noticed both my wife and I receiving a few long stares up and down from attendees at these events. After two months of this, I’m finding this new group of neighbours a bit too touchy-feely for my comfort.

Am I just too old to play these games? Maybe. But I don’t think I’m imagining things.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a wonderful sporty woman at the a lake where I often have to be, because of my work. We ended up having “sexercise lunches” for a laugh in some outlying sand dunes, for two wonderful months.

She was open about not breaking it off with her regular guy, who was off the continent for the summer, working on a project. They had a “summer-off” deal. She recently apologized and said she never intended for us to get so out of hand — and I haven’t seen her since!

My gut aches all the time. What now? I feel so used, like her fill-in man.

— Ready to Explode, Interlake

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just can’t go another round of marital boxing. I’m so sick and tired of my wealthy older husband — a man I don’t love and frankly never really did — and we have not been able to have a child together, either.

I told him that yesterday, but he said (get this) “I know that, but I’m not tired of you yet.” He says he’ll let me go, “if and when he’s good and ready.”

I totally blew up! I detailed a long list of mean and downright crude things he has said and done to me. I told him it hasn’t been worth sharing his money and lavish lifestyle.

As for his not being true to me, apparently it’s all my fault! He says, “Face facts. Men have to stray when they get frustrated by their cold wives.” He’s a man who says he needs a “sex workout” three times a week, or he’s forced to go out looking for it.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: How do you handle being in love with a Grade 12 teacher in your high school without her knowing? My situation is hopeless. School is starting again soon and I’m in Grade 12 for the second year. My stomach is already acting up. What can I do? How do I handle it?

— Back to Seeing Her Again, southeastern Manitoba

Dear Back to Seeing Her: If your teacher can avoid feeling the uncomfortable beams of lust from your direction this year, it will be much better for both of you.

To be sure, many high school students have had crushes on teachers, but to pursue a romantic relationship is simply out of bounds ethically and professionally, even once a former pupil is an adult. A teacher could get into a lot of legal trouble and lose their job for consorting with a student.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Our mom was left a pile of money by my Dad. She’s a terrific cook and baker — and a frustrated cook. Why? Because she stayed home to have kids instead of continuing as a chef.

That’s our big problem now. On the excuse she’s keeping us healthy, she cooks and bakes for the three of her “kids” while we’re away working at our summer jobs. (We’re between 18 and 22, and all at university together.)

When we get home, she serves us these great big nutritious meals, capped off by fancy and fattening desserts. Then she sends us off in the morning with giant bagged lunches that involve her newly-crafted pastries. My co-workers are so jealous.

All three of us have summer jobs that involve mostly sedentary computer work — and we’ve been gaining weight over the last three months.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I live with a man who keeps telling me how badly he wants to have kids, but based on how things are right now, I wouldn’t trust him to actually help with any of the responsibilities.

Kids are hard work! I know, because I helped raise my younger siblings. Both my parents had to work, so I know kids take up all a caregiver’s time and energy, and leisure time.

Right now, my husband spends more time at the golf course and tennis club and playing poker, than he does with me or taking care of our house. I do all the inside work as well as the lawn mowing and gardening.

Still, he keeps asking when we’re going to have kids! I used to get excited about it, but now I can barely hide my feelings. I love him, but he’s very immature, and I keep telling him that.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This is going to sound dumb — because it sounds dumb to me. My wife of two years (we’re in our mid-20s) just started really getting into social media since the excitement of our wedding died down.

Now she’s a bit bored, and to entertain herself, has amassed a decent-sized group of followers. The problem is, she’s trying to involve me, and I sure as heck don’t want to do a stupid dance or a skit for one of her videos.

She’s starting to become quite full of herself as a content producer, and she’s quite rude and dismissive with me if I make even one negative comment.

I’m feeling like I got a bait-and-switch wife, where I was sold a version of her as a devoted bride-to-be that no longer exists.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve spent the summer pushed together with a guy my parents want me to desire. He’s the son of one of their friends. We’ve had to make it appear we have bonded to get our parents off our backs.

When should we tell them these dates are no more than two friends getting together to please their pushy parents? And should we ever have to tell them that one of us is gay?

I feel like a prisoner and bit like I’m owned by my parents. I am dependent on them for a lot in my life, so I feel like I have to suck up to them on this kind of issue. Please help.

— Feeling Like a Prisoner, Winnipeg

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was walking through a popular store when I stopped suddenly and just stared at this man walking by with a teenage daughter. It was a scene out of my old life dream — that particular man along with a kid we would enjoy raising together.

He felt me staring and stopped short. I felt a rush of warm feelings for him, but then the kid said, “C’mon, dad, we gotta hurry, mom is waiting outside in the car.” My ex looked at me helplessly and then said to his daughter that he would catch up with her in a minute. She shrugged and off she went.

Then we looked at each other and made some awkward conversation. He soon walked off to join his family and left me there with my heart pounding.

I can’t stop thinking about him now. Today I stupidly broke down and phoned him at his work since everybody knows where this former Winnipeg athlete is employed. He was very awkward with me on the phone and I feel like a fool, so now what should I do?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We had the worst family fight ever at the lake recently, and half our big family has gone home early! I organized all kinds of indoor and outdoor games in July — even a tennis tournament — and the scared relatives and neighbours just told me, “Sorry, too much smoke — not coming out!” and sat inside playing on their screens.

Like me, they were also watching other people pack up early to go home and get ready for school, so I finally thought, “Why not go home, too?”

But here’s the shock! I’ve just confirmed a rumour that my husband has been seen “around” with another woman in the city — and they are very cosy. He’s with an old “friend” of mine I haven’t seen in years. I want to smack my man in the face!

I feel terrible hearing it all, but I think I still love the jerk. What should I do?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My favourite co-worker called me from his cottage vacation in bad shape, and it wasn’t the smoke that had him in tears. He and his husband — a couple I thought were solid — had just had a major row.

They had driven up to the cabin together but his partner ended up driving home alone from the lake in anger. And yes, there had been a lot of drinking involved on my friend’s part.

His partner was so mad he told him to come back home “if and when” he felt like calling a taxi back to Winnipeg!

That was certainly not happening on my co-worker’s budget, so I got in my car and went to get him. Now I’m wondering if there is any other way I can be of help, as he’s feeling so alone and sad, and I’m worried.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a gay male in my mid-20s. I recently came out to my religious parents, along with announcing the wonderful man I want to marry. It’s my secret partner of two years who had pretended to be my best friend, at my insistence.

Now, my deeply religious parents have rejected me. I will never hurt my man again by denying our love to anyone. In fact, we are planning to be married this fall, no matter what. It will be a very small wedding now.

My parents say I am not welcome in their family, until I “see the light and abandon my evil ways.” This has started an avalanche of angry feelings on both sides.

My closest brother and his girlfriend were the first to defy my parents and support our decision. They also announced that they plan to move in together, without marrying. They also brought my younger sister over to visit my man and me — and now she’s in big trouble with our parents, too.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: He’s so caught! My new boyfriend has been lying about the “tennis” he supposedly plays most week nights with his friends at “different clubs.”

Yeah, right. He’s not playing anywhere except in someone else’s bed. His unusual sports car has been spotted at a certain residence for several weeks now by an old friend of mine. She lives right across the street.

My poor friend sounded embarrassed when she called to say that she was ratting him out. I’m so grateful to her for filling me in. I just don’t know how far I should go with my revenge. I hate being made a fool of and having anyone think they got away with it. What do you suggest?

— Want Revenge! East Kildonan

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My summer romance is choking on the smoke!

Is this to be expected in our freakish fire situation, or are we just not suited to each other? I’m about ready to throw in the towel.

Here’s what happened. My new guy and I were falling in love quickly in June, so we rented a little cottage together for July and August, optimistically thinking the wildfire situation would clear up.

What a sad joke! We have rarely been able to stay at the lake more than two or three days running because of the smoke.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I know why my girlfriend won’t see me face-to-face anymore. It’s because we can’t help but be sexual — both her weakness and mine — and we never end up working out the problems between us.

Even after we can’t agree on anything at all and have had a big fight, it’s ended up with great sex. That’s how we are. (We are both women, by the way.)

Last week it seemed to really fall apart. She told me she’d had enough of my nonsense and has moved out to her cabin on Lake Winnipeg for the rest of the summer.

She says she’s working remotely. Do I even believe that? I really need to see her and look into her eyes, to find out.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: After my husband died, I was somewhat sad, but I had served my time with him for 15 long years. I was more than ready for a new partner — and maybe a female.

Well, this attractive woman friend of mine came to my husband’s funeral and I accepted her offer of a cup of coffee the next week at a bakery with a seating area. We talked for two hours.

We’ve spent time together socially quite a few times and now we’re talking about “seeing” each other — there’s definitely an attraction that’s way more than friends.

Sadly, my kids who are in junior high are still suffering the loss of their father and will be for some time. He was a good dad to them.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My family is travelling here from Quebec for Folklorama, but coming mostly for the French-Canadian Pavilion that runs Aug. 10-16. They sure know how to party. They are also a real pain.

They come home to my farm, stoked after the concerts, get out their own instruments and party until the sun comes up. Yikes. We hosts, who live in little towns and farms close to the city, often keep working part-time during Folklorama, so we need at least a little sleep every night.

Got any hot tips so we have less yelling “Tais-toi!” at each other at 4 a.m. than we did last year? Last fest it was a verbal riot in every sense of the word, and nobody got enough sleep.

What can we do about it this year?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a bisexual man who has been living abroad. I recently brought my male partner home for a holiday and to meet the family in Manitoba. It turns out the family adores my partner.

In fact, my mother and sister want us to move back for good and get married.

This feels like jumping the gun to my partner and me. We both have careers overseas, and we haven’t even talked about marriage.

Suddenly it feels like an escalator just started up underneath us and is moving us willy-nilly to the next level. What can we do? We’re flying back soon.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I are both women and bisexual. This summer we felt we were so solid as a couple that we could hazard finding a male friend and lover to share. Unfortunately, this wonderful guy we found has become much closer with me than with my mate.

Now jealousy has reared its ugly head. Sexually, we’re a well-tuned trio but in the also-important “friend” department, he and I are much closer than the two of them. They have zero common interests. Life isn’t always about sex, after the first couple of months anyway. I have certainly found that out.

I don’t want to give our guy up, but my girlfriend says things are unbalanced and she is starting to hurt.

What do you suggest for activities to even things up in the relationship? I love my female partner more because I have been with her longer and we have weathered a lot together. Sometimes, I also feel jealous of our male third party. Help please. Is three really a crowd?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I received an angry, old-fashioned breakup letter from my boyfriend today with “What I should have sent you” printed on the envelope. It was a nasty followup to a kinder text message he sent me the day before with some of his regrets about the two of us and about himself.

This one listed all my faults — social, political, personal and sexual. I guess he had taken time to really dig around in his strange little mind. He’s definitely not short on cutting remarks.

I don’t know which of the two makes me madder. Should I respond to either?

— Shaking My Head, downtown Winnipeg

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: While my apartment was being renovated, I went to pick up the last of my things from the guy I was living with. I was staying every night in his bed, but it was just a casual thing for me. He was much too young for the relationship to last.

I was delighted to get into my renovated apartment, but I went back one more time to his place to get the last of my things, and guess who opened the door to my recent boyfriend’s place? The older version of him.

This man obviously knew who I was. He said, with a big smile, “My son isn’t home. Why don’t you come in for a drink and we’ll have a little visit? I’ve heard a lot about you.” In the end, we talked for more than two hours.

I should have guessed the “old block” would be even more charming than “the chip.” My ex’s dad was only 20 years old when his son was born, and he’s still an absolute doll in his 40s.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently met a great speaker at a small-business conference who is newly divorced. He was not embarrassed to talk openly about himself after the speech. He isn’t overly handsome, but he has a friendly face and a great sense of humour.

I was at the front of the room where everybody seemed to be competing to get close to him afterwards and hear his funny off-the-cuff comments. I muscled right in and tried to impress him.

Even better, I managed to get a seat right beside him in the hotel bar after his presentation. I’m not shy, so I fished for details about his personal life — and got them. I told him I was single and gave him my business card. He seemed happy to give me his.

Then I had a bright idea. I suggested he should be a speaker at one of the small conferences I organize in Winnipeg. He looked at me a little suspiciously.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a bisexual woman and have been posing as straight for years — although not everyone has been fooled. I’ve been closeted and lonely for a long time since I ended my boring relationship with a man.

I just can’t keep pretending anymore. I’m so lonely standing on the sidelines of my own life. I desperately need to come out and face my complex sexuality with my family, but they were upset enough over my sister coming out as lesbian that I just couldn’t disappoint them again.

But I realize now it’s my life and I only have one.

My sister moved with her girlfriend two provinces away and I don’t have a group of lesbian friends here, but I do have a fantastic job that keeps me in Winnipeg.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I totally trusted my new girlfriend — quite the brainiac and computer expert — when she offered to help me with some important financial matters online.

I stupidly gave her all my passwords. Yes, to my money and everything. I really thought we were heading for the big time, namely marriage.

But then I caught her gossiping on the phone at my house while she thought I was still out. She was talking to a banker friend of hers. She has a voice that carries, and I was coming in the house and I heard every word. It was all about my “private” financial situation.

I was seriously upset and turned off, so I quickly changed all my key passwords. I haven’t said anything to her yet, and she hasn’t mentioned anything.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a married woman who went to the Winnipeg Folk Festival with my ex-boyfriend from my hippie days, and it was great! All evening, it felt like being magically transported back to a simpler time.

So why was going together considered sleazy by some people? I just had lunch with two old girlfriends who said their husbands would never trust them to go on a “date” with an old ex-boyfriend. Why did they have to make a dating inference like that?

Yes, this guy and I have partners we love in our lives, and we each have grandchildren. So, our folk fest get-together was just a fun exchange of memories from the past, as well as stories about our present mates and children. We listened to music and talked for hours — we both loved it.

At the end of the lunch, one of my girlfriends poked me in the ribs, and said, “So, confess — when are you going to see him again?” It was like she was salivating and could hardly wait to hear Chapter 2 of an affair in the works!

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My sister, who disappeared from the family six years ago, just reappeared, and on my birthday.

I had heard she was living in town. She looked good with a nice haircut and sharp clothes.

She claimed she has a good job, so I asked, “Where are you working now?” She said she would tell me later because she didn’t want to make anyone jealous. It sounded like a lie to me.

Suddenly I knew she had turned to prostitution again. Then very quickly, she made some excuses, and she was gone.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran into my old boyfriend at my favourite beach — and it was painful. I was with him years ago and he’s since married and had a couple of kids. I saw them all — his wife and his children. Ouch!

Then suddenly they packed up and left. I guess it was way too hot outside for people with young children. He obviously still had my old number, as he called me an hour later.

He said he had spotted me still sitting on the beach and asked if he could come join me. He said his family were back at their cabin, cooling down.

I told him to come over, then we had a longer-than-necessary talk to catch up. I told him my life situation: I’m single again with no children. And I also told him that after many medical tests I was told I’m unable to bear children. Life can be so cruel.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-girlfriend completely moved cities after she broke up our living-together arrangement of two years because I wouldn’t marry her.

I told her I didn’t see why we had to bother getting married, especially at ages 20 and 21.

We said, “I love you” every night and made love because we really meant it, and our relationship was just great the way it was. I felt sick when she made arrangements behind my back to move to Toronto to get her master’s degree and then left me behind.

Two years later, she’s come back and I’m feeling that awful pain all over again, having her here in the city, but not with me. I met with her recently — what a mistake. It bowled me over how much I still felt for her. My heart was beating out of my chest the whole time.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is the child of a violent marriage and she witnessed some terrible scenes. I promised her I would never roar at her or hurt her in any way. After many months she agreed to take a chance with me, and we got married.

Things were pretty good at first. She liked kissing and caressing, but she was never fond of intercourse, as it seemed “a bit violent” to her, but she put up with it for me.

I adored her and for years treated her like the gentle flower she is. When we had problems, she would write me a note saying, “We need to talk, but lovingly.” She was still terrified of having a violent incident with a man.

Sadly, I had to seek exciting sex elsewhere. I’m sure she has found out I have a secret sex life when I’m out of town for business. Recently, she has totally withdrawn from me. Shame on me, but I have needs.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a recently divorced guy in my early 40s who just moved back to my old neighbourhood where a lot of people from my younger days still live. The guy next door graciously invited me to his family pool party the day I moved in.

I was so happy to go after two hard days of moving. I brought several bottles of white wine with me in an open bucket of ice and actually got a cheer from the female cousins for that move.

It started out really well, but I got pretty hammered and later took one of the cousins home next door with me for a nude swim in my pool. We also had a sleepover with no sleep. It was apparently not a classy move, and yes, she told the host — her cousin — who had invited me.

It was only a one-night stand for me, so I didn’t call the woman afterwards. I haven’t heard from her since, but I’ve heard that my neighbour is not impressed with my behaviour. I feel bad now.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I suspected my husband had been lying about where he goes after his tennis matches, and now I’ve found out for sure. I called my best friend — also a tennis player — and asked her what she could find out.

She said she already had a hunch! She called back hours later and asked me to come over to her place. I felt sick all the way over. When she told me what she knew, I actually threw up!

Apparently, my man has had a particular woman on the side for months, and God knows who else! I cried and cried, and then I got really mad and called a lawyer I know, who met with me the next day.

My husband was shocked that I was so prepared when I confronted him. Then I asked him if he loved this woman and he said, “Oh for God’s sake, you’re making too big a deal over this! It meant nothing to me — just a way to let off some steam. I’m sorry I did it. She just offered me a swim in her new pool.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I can’t help but wonder if “Stalked by Ex-Husband” (the woman whose ex-husband shows up at all her events with women on his arm) has thought about changing any shared Apple or Android accounts on her devices — ones she may have shared with him when they were married.

He may still have some sort of access to her location if they used to share that info with each other. He may also still have access to her messages (emails and texts) if she hasn’t made any password changes.

— Concerned For Her, Winnipeg

Dear Concerned For Her: Thanks for caring, and for your helpful suggestions to tighten up this woman’s technical security. It’s certainly suspicious this ex-husband always seems to know where she’s going ahead of time, and turns up with a date hanging off him.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My high school art teacher told my highly educated parents I was very talented in art. So, my folks decided I’d benefit from private lessons this summer and say it will provide me a real foundation for a degree in fine arts.

They got me lessons with an artist they admire, and I’m enjoying them — but it’s money spent for nothing. The truth is, I want to be well-known for work in the field of engineering, not for paintings on a wall or sculpture. I need to tell my parents that while the art lessons are fun for me, that’s all they are. It’s making me feel guilty having them pay all summer, but I know my folks will be disappointed. Still it’s my life, isn’t it?

— Wrong Path, St. Boniface

Dear Wrong Path: Tell your folks the art lessons are helping you realize you’re more interested in being able to draw up plans for an engineering project than creating for art’s sake. Tell them you’ll always be interested in art for enjoyment and for your own relaxation, but not as a career.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I asked my wife to consider a road trip in August that crosses the Rockies and ends at Vancouver island and the Pacific Ocean. She surprised me and said immediately, “Sounds great to me. Let’s do it!”

This response came from a woman who has always loved to shop and sightsee her way through different big cities in the U.S. I didn’t even have to convince her. Now I’m wondering: why did it take us so long to consider a road trip across Canada to be as beautiful and exciting as any other major travel adventure we’d go on south of the border?

— Proudly Canadian Tourists, St. James

Dear Proudly Canadian: It’s surprising how many people took Canada’s “sea-to-shining-sea” beauty for granted prior to the recent issues in the States that are now keeping many travellers away. But there are so many great vacation spots and destinations in Canada, whether it’s urban fun and shopping you’re after, or the great outdoors.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love to go swimming in the nude, under the moon. It’s dark, so it’s no big deal, and nobody’s being sexual. My boyfriend holds the towel to dry me off right when I step out.

This year my sister wants to join in! I don’t know how I feel about that. Her boyfriend says it’s stupid and possibly dangerous (come on!) and won’t even come with us to the beach. As if that’ll stop her!

But that would leave the three of us, and my boyfriend will see my sister nude in the moonlight. Is that weird, or not?

— Sisters Under the Moon, Clear Lake

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got drunk and made a mistake recently — I made out with one of my male friends at a post-university graduation party at the cottage of another guy in our friend group (I’m also a man). Now I get the feeling he’s in love — or at least enamoured — with me.

The weekend trip included a bunch of couples, and this guy and me, who were both single. We were all drinking on the beach listening to music and I felt lonely and hot, so I ended up making out with this guy for a while in the woods.

We all went home the next day and he rode back with me. While he didn’t say anything — possibly because he was super hungover — I think he was expecting more after we returned to the city. He keeps messaging me now.

My closest two friends in the group apparently saw us go off and are now asking me what our deal is, and if I’m gay or bi or whatever.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We’re supposed to be going to the lake on August long weekend with my husband’s family and staying at their cabin. But there’s one big problem: my mother-in-law has killer body odour, especially in the heat.

My son has actually told his grandma several times, “It’s not necessary to stink like that.” She just says, “People don’t need any deodorants at the lake. They can just take the occasional dip in the water.”

Unfortunately, her body odour can get so strong it makes me feel ill. I talked to my pharmacist and now I’m going to the lake armed with several different deodorants he suggested, but my husband says it will just cause trouble.

Will it? I have to do something or just stay home — and that will cause more trouble. What do you suggest?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran into my ex-husband again — the jerk who stalks me socially, even at my family’s favourite beach. He “just happened” to turn up last weekend and was with another young woman as usual. She was very beautiful with dark-brown hair and skin like me, but in her early 20s.

She was clinging to his arm, gazing up at him and laughing at his never-ending jokes. Suddenly, he felt me looking at him — and he actually waved.

He always turns up wherever I am and it freaks me out. I don’t know how and why he does it.

He seems to know my every move socially. I notice he’s been going to a suspicious number of the same functions.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I live in the country on very flat land, so people coming to my farm can be seen for miles. A week ago I watched this unfamiliar truck coming towards me, kicking up a lot of dust. Then it turned up the access road into my farm yard.

It was my younger brother, the notorious drunk. I told him five years ago never to come back, or one of us would probably kill the other. He took off for Alberta, or so I heard. I thought he must be drinking again to hazard coming back here, but I admit I was curious.

He turned out to be stone-cold sober.

I let him in, and fed him lunch. He said he’d quit drinking four years ago — one year after I chased him out. We started talking. The woman we fought over has been long gone from my life, too. She found another guy, or more, knowing her! He said he found that stuff out a couple years ago — not difficult to do online.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got in a political fight with a neighbour when I was mowing my lawn. He was drinking and called me a rude ethnic slur. So, when he went into his house and I noticed how long his grass was, I mowed a word into his lawn — bigot. His wife came out and yelled at me, and mowed the word out herself. She told me she was going to call the police.

She didn’t, but I hate living here now. I would put up a sign and sell in a minute. However, my wife just loves this guy’s wife and wants me to apologize. That is not going to happen.

We go to the same church, and our wives think we need to see the pastor for counselling. There’s no way I’m doing that. Now what?

— Nasty Neighbour, Royalwood

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I literally ran into my ex-wife when I was backing up my car in a shopping mall parking lot. She got out of her car, took one look at me and laughed. She said, “I’m not going to report this, and neither should you.” I laughed too. Both our cars were old beaters and we both had better vehicles at home.

Then we went for a pizza and now we’re dating again.

I’m just writing to say some people have a crazy attraction for each other and if they finally learn to enjoy each other’s foibles, it’s the way to peace.

Now, when people remark on us getting back together — while we vote differently, go to different churches, eat different foods and so on — we just laugh and say,“We don’t know why we love each other. We’re not alike at all and we agree on nothing, but we do enjoy being together.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: “The woman who got away” has moved back to town and she’s almost single — soon to be divorced. I’m sure she still wants me.

She only married her husband and moved away because I was still drinking heavily and couldn’t stop myself. But that was then, and this is now. I’ve been sober for two years now, all of my own doing.

I tell myself she really loved me and I think she probably still does. She even admitted to me when we broke up that I was the best lover she ever had, and the funniest. I love this woman right down to her purple-painted toenails.

Now what should I do? I’m right here waiting.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I swear I was a flyer of some kind in another life. I am in love with all flight activities — ultra-gliders, small and big planes — and finally have the money saved to get start taking lessons this summer.

My partner — also a woman — doesn’t want me to risk my life “and possibly die” and is kicking up a big fuss, so I won’t lay down money for lessons. Last night she cried for an hour. Yeesh.

I finally told her last night not to ask me to a make the choice between her and flying. What do you think when your partner wants you to deny a part of you that’s so important? Please help.

— Time to Spread My Wings, Headingley

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother phoned and announced she’s driving up to our cottage at the lake to stay with us “as usual” on summer weekends. She said she was just checking on which weeks she can be there.

Then, she stated happily that her new boyfriend will be coming up with her to stay for those weekends. I haven’t met him yet, but I hear he’s a cool older guy.

I feel weird about the possibility of my mom having sex with someone new near where I’m sleeping. All of a sudden, I’ve become a prude. I panicked and said, “No, it can’t be like that, visiting this summer — we’re too busy.”

I told her I’m not taking real holidays, but I’ll be working hard remotely at the lake on my laptop.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: What started as a romantic new cottage dream for my wife and me may be kaput now. We bought a lot last year and demolished a very old cottage on the property. We also designed our own dream cottage and planned to start building it this summer.

However, my wife is now fearful of going ahead with the project as planned, as there were some fires burning a fair distance from our area — but too near for her comfort.

My wife says she’s freaked out and that she would only be willing to build a cottage in a different part of the province that doesn’t experience such destructive blazes. She says, “You can forget building it this year for sure.”

Waiting on what she wants could involve finding and buying new land and trying to off-load the lot we have. Plus, many other people will likely be jockeying for summer properties.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We are a somewhat new romantic lesbian trio and go everywhere together now. We love and trust each other. We are all serious artists, and love sketching birds and wildlife.

I happen to know of this particular birders’ paradise — a little beach — and my two girlfriends want me to take them there for an overnight in a tent. That would be two days of bird sketches and photo shoots. And it could be very romantic.

So far, we have just planned on going in one car, mine, since going in two cars would be stupid and more expensive for gas, but here’s the problem: I have this inkling I might need to go home if it gets difficult or complicated between us three. They seem tighter lately.

What if I can’t stand it and they want to continue to stay there together? What do you think?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was lying awake the other night and heard my mother yapping away to someone while she drank her nightly margaritas. She was talking in a flirty, sexy way — like she was having a phone date.

I thought she was talking with a guy, so being the snoopy daughter I am, I opened my door a crack to hear better. My mother turns out to be having a thing with a woman.

Big deal, you say? Yes, it is. It is the lesbian mother of my best friend — up until recently. Now I know why she’s been snubbing me. She’s obviously in-the-know and horrified, like I am now.

I don’t know what to do. Why should I have to lose my best friend? If our mothers are sexually involved, then I feel sick about it too and I understand why my closest friend is avoiding me.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a fisherman first and foremost, and I’m not cancelling my fly-in fishing trips this summer. I really like my new girlfriend (it may even be love) and I don’t want to lose her, but I am a fully invested angler and I love my summer fishing.

My ex-wife used to try to boss me around and I’m not the kind of guy who bends to a woman’s will. My new girl is a real firecracker and I worry she’s going to hate the fishing stuff.

How can I keep her happy and still do what I do best when and where I want? Money is not an issue for me.

— Recently Divorced, Winnipeg

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-wife is a martini-swilling, high-functioning, unrepentant alcoholic. Sadly for me, she’s still beautiful and funny, and deep down I’ll always love her. I’m still attracted to her sexiness and her laugh, which always sucks me back in.

But then everything goes badly between us when summer party time is over in the fall, and I get very serious with my job, which requires me to function 10 months a year at a high level. I’m not an alcoholic myself, just a summer drinker. I’d managed to stay away from her from last fall until recently, even with no other steady girlfriend, but it’s pool season — my favourite time of year — and my ex knows it.

So, she got up to her old tricks a couple days ago, and just “happened” to cruise down my street, just when I was mowing the front yard before dinner. She knows when to catch me. “Come over to my place, darling!” she yelled. “The pool’s open and you don’t need a suit. Jump in my car. I can barbecue us some steaks.” So I went, knowing full well what was on the menu — me.

I feel like I’m powerless now, and I’ll get sucked in again. What can I do so I don’t suffer in hell all next fall and then have to see a therapist again?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My first serious girlfriend has moved back to Winnipeg after two years.

When I ran into her, we were both kind of shocked. She had a little boy in a stroller and I must say, he looked kind of like me with the very same red, curly hair. That’s not such a common thing.

Would it be rude to hint at his paternity by asking something like, “Could that child be my baby?”

I can’t get to sleep thinking about my ex and son. Is he my little boy? What should I do?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a woman with visual impairment, and I live alone with my amazing guide dog. I trust her implicitly — she’s well-trained and has been with me since she was a pup. She has warned me away from a few questionable people I’ve met in public because she didn’t like their smell or attitude towards me.

I usually get it because I kind of get a warning feeling, too, like hair standing up on my neck. (You become super-sensitive.) But then I recently met a very sweet woman at a music event in the city and brought her home with me.

My dog didn’t like her and was very upset. He balked at even letting her in our door, but I let her in anyway. My dog sat nervously between us at the kitchen table. When my guest was in the bathroom, he became very upset and restless.

He has let other people come in, so he doesn’t automatically have negative responses to people trying to get close to me. I was disappointed he was acting up because I really liked this woman, and she seemed harmless.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: These days my mouth opens and blurts things out before my brain clicks in to stop me. I’ve started immediately saying things I think, but that should never cross a person’s lips. When I see people’s faces react in shock, I suddenly realize what I said to hurt them, and try to apologize, but that only makes it worse.

My husband is horrified. After the last incident, when I told his friend his “sweaty bald head looked like a shiny bowling ball,” my man said seriously he thinks I need to get my head examined. I guess I really hurt his friend’s feelings. I only realized that after he slammed out the back door.

The thing is, I like the guy, but the words just came flying out of my mouth and I didn’t care if I hurt him at the time. In fact, I laughed.

This is not like me — until recently. What should I do?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband — a former lifeguard — went ahead and bought a cabin for our family at a lake in southern Manitoba. What a disaster. I’m not happy. I swim like rock, and I would be the one alone at the lake with our two young kids during the week while he’s at work.

My husband says he’ll make every weekend a long weekend, but I don’t even want that. I need him there all the time for safety. What do you think?

The cabin sale is already finalized. How do I cope with this?

— Dangerous Situation, southwestern Manitoba

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is freaking out. Like some of our neighbours on the edge of the wildfire zone, he wants to sell our cottage. It’s my precious old place, not his! I inherited it from my relatives, and I love it.

Who’s going to want to pay much this year to buy an old cabin that’s been threatened by fire? The bargain hunters will be out to scoop up old places like mine for next to nothing.

I’ve told my husband he better button his lip and calm down. We just had another fight over this, and our teenage kids heard it. He said he’d “never get a good sleep in that cabin again” — that’s certainly not what our children needed to hear.

How can I get him to back off his campaign to flip the cabin?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: A few years ago in my hometown, a musician friend of mine started a rock band I performed in semi-regularly. He laughed when I decided to move away to pursue a music career because he was jealous. Who knew I’d bomb out after leaving home feeling so sure of myself?

I was told I just didn’t have a “big enough” natural voice to make it. I can, however, sing all night in a small rock band with a decent microphone, and make everything sound good.

Still, It really hurt me to come back to town and call that first musician who hired me, pretty much begging for work. Like a gentleman, he said, “Good to hear from you. I hear you’ve had some bad luck.” Then he added, “Why don’t you help me out for the summer, and sing in my band? The singers in the group all want some time off over July and August.”

What a comedown, I thought at first, but I said yes, gladly. Secretly, I still have my singing-star ambitions, but I have no money right now. I felt embarrassed to ask my folks to let me keep living in their basement this summer, for free, but I did say I’d look after the house while they’re away at their cabin. What else should I do?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband accidentally found a secret supply of condoms I keep up on a high shelf in the hallway under fancy towels we don’t use. It’s for our teenage boys to access, no questions asked.

My man threw them on our bed, yelling, “Why do you have these when we don’t need them?”

He was furious and had tears in his eyes. I opened my mouth to explain and he said, “Don’t bother. I know what this means.”

I shouted about the teenage boys needing them now, and how I supply them, but he just said, “A likely story.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new boyfriend is a big man from northern Manitoba with a bigger income.

I totally expected him to be generous to those affected by the wildfires with both his time and money. I thought he would be a hero in regard to helping people, but that’s not so.

He writes a couple of cheques for causes, but then he says to me, “That’ll do — no point in going overboard.”

What? I was taught by my parents (also fairly well-off) that if you’re wealthy and don’t give until it hurts in a crisis, you aren’t giving what you could.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Our youngish neighbours often sleep with their bedroom windows open when it’s nice outside and there’s no smoke.

Sometimes people get carried away when they’re in bed together and certain sex-related comments can be overheard. The couple nearest us use a series of animal names for each other, and they just crack us up.

My crazy wife loves this and has, for a joke, started imitating them when we have our windows closed, but one night recently, when it was clear and we forgot our windows were open, she went into a repertoire of the animal names with me that she had picked up from our neighbours. (My personal favourite — “Come on, king of the beasts!” — just cracks me up.)

However, the next day there was a note in our mailbox saying, “We don’t imitate you, so don’t imitate us or you’ll soon be sorry. LOL.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran into an old boyfriend of mine at a sports tournament recently and we’ve been seeing each other ever since. He wants to be open about us, but I’m fairly certain it won’t last because he’s still the same pain in the butt.

Our crazy situation is we dated during a couple of summers, but it never works out past the fall.

Some of my girlfriends will surely be laughing behind their hands. This guy and I will be golfing and playing tennis all summer again, and the relationship will probably just crash again in the autumn.

— Crazy Twosome, Interlake

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: It’s June and my cute-but-chubby wife doesn’t want to go to any beaches. She was cheated on way back when by a weightlifter guy and blamed it on her imperfect body.

I’m betting it was really the fault of her relentless jealousy. I knew she was a jealous woman before we got married, but four years later, I’m so tired of her body-weight hangup that I can’t stand it.

We haven’t been to the beach together in two years. I want her to expose her beautiful round shape to people at the beach — not that they would care.

In fact, I think we’re a good-looking couple. She’s in her 30s and a very sexy woman with long black hair and green eyes. I’m tall and skinny, and I don’t want another skeleton like myself to play with in bed.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Unlike a lot of guys, I want to get married again — like, right now. I’ve been married twice, and I don’t mind admitting I’m lonely. I’m sick of dating again at 44. Plus, I’m a guy who really wants kids while I’m still strong and fit.

Sex meant everything to me in my 20s. It turned out “love” also wasn’t too hard to find, if I asked enough questions about what a woman needed from a guy. Then they felt seen “on the inside,” or so they said.

I often found women really need a free adviser like me, who actually listens. Some women that I’ve known thought I was just playing with them because I’d go for drinks, and listen to their problems dealing with another guy, no problem.

I saw myself as the guy who’d love them, accept them and maybe they’d take me into their heart, but it hasn’t worked so far. Can you please help?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was forced to leave my handsome and musically talented husband due to the fact he loved drinking way more than he loved me. Just like his dad — who was also a great singer and storyteller — he just couldn’t handle his liquor. Like father, like son. Tragic.

By the midway point of any evening entertaining my husband’s family, my father-in-law would always be drinking too much. I hated it and it always showed on my face.

Sometimes my husband would slap me in the van when we were leaving his family’s place for pulling a sour face and disrespecting his father. Then he would break down and cry, saying how sorry he was for hitting me.

I left with our young kids one weekend when my husband was away performing and took refuge with my parents. Friends told me they were relieved because they knew I was being abused. I didn’t know they were aware of that or I would have left sooner, out of embarrassment.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just found out my bisexual wife has found a female lover, and I’m angry. I want to get even and teach her a lesson she won’t forget.

We three know each other through working for the same business. I should have known it was more than an innocent friendship when these two women went to a big spring convention in another province and didn’t want me joining them.

I now suspect they have been playmates for a long time, double-dealing me and laughing behind my back. I could have said, “That’s life,” but I don’t put up with disrespect from anybody.

My wife’s lover had the misfortune of running into me at a different convention this week and she made the big mistake of thinking I wouldn’t chance a big blow-up over my wife.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When my mother screamed at me like a crazy woman for the 100th time, I packed my suitcase and went down the block to live with my grandmother, who right away took me in to live with her and admitted what I knew all along — that my mother has deep mental-health problems that are just getting scarier.

I’m 18, but my mom says she will force me to come home. I said I won’t come back, no matter what she says or does to me. She says terrible, degrading things to make me feel like I’m nothing.

My dad left us because of mom’s craziness, but he should have taken me with him.

At least now he has agreed to let me stay with him to give my grandma a break, and I have found a minimum-wage job to help him pay for things.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My teenage son prefers his “science lab” in the basement to socializing with the crowd from high school. He does very well in science and on projects requiring experimentation.

However, I worry that he’s lonely, but his mom tells me he prefers just hanging with his best friend next door, who also likes science. I just feel that, as his dad, I’m not teaching my son how to be a sociable guy with a normal group of friends.

I just want him to be happy and can’t believe he is, just hanging out in the basement with one friend. Last week my son told his mom he wishes I would stop worrying that he’s not popular. What do you think?

— Worried Dad, Dugald

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve just been stabbed in the heart by my jealous female cousin, who is much prettier than I will ever be. She has two children and no husband anymore, because she kicked him out for cheating.

She has a mean mouth, too. She recently told me my that husband told her he bought me a convertible for my amusement to keep me busy because I can’t have any children.

The truth is I actually offered to go the adoption route, and my cousin knows that, but my husband said he didn’t want any children who weren’t his own blood.

That was a rough patch because I wanted kids so badly and adoption would have solved the problem for me.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I told my wife I went all last summer wanting a hanging basket “cove” chair, but didn’t buy one. Why? Because she (the almighty dictator) said $1,495 was too much for my “spacecraft designed” chair that makes you feel like you’re floating in the clouds.

I would go try one out in a store after a bad day and start nodding off in minutes. Do marriage partners have the right to deny you an expensive item you really want?

— So Annoyed, East Kildonan

Dear Annoyed: Do what my dear old dad, Bill Scurfield did in this kind of situation. Make it a treat and bring it home proudly. Having paid for it on your own, you quickly bring it in and install it. For instance, my dad’s mint-and-emerald-green ’57 Chevrolet Bel Air sedan comes to mind — sitting out in the driveway in Manitou.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m being treated like a sleeping pill. My girlfriend works in a high-stress profession that requires precision and speed. She only wants sex from me to calm her down and let her sleep — on her own. She refuses to stay overnight on work nights to wake up in the morning together.

I was starting to feel suspicious, but then last Saturday night, something else happened. I touched her in her sleep and she moaned another guy’s crazy nickname.

I know that guy. Nobody else has a weird handle like that.

Then she sat up righteously and told me, “Well, it’s time I went home now. I have to get rested up for work.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Two women involved in an intimate relationship together recently moved in next door, and I’m curious about them.

We all love gardening and I’m a late beginner, so I started visiting them with occasional questions. And then last weekend, they filled their pool and had a barbecue/swimming party for their friends (all of whom were female).

I could see it all happening from my second-floor deck, and they caught me looking down and waved. Soon my neighbours showed up on my doorstep and asked me to come over for a swim. I went because it was a hot day.

Now my husband is teasing me and asking me why I went and if it turned me on. Well, it did turn me on in my mind to see a different way of loving and flirting, up close and in person. And I must admit I have been dreaming about female liaisons every night lately.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I married my wife because she was very beautiful and funny. I was a successful athlete with an education — super fit, lots of hair and good brains. Together, I thought my wife and I had it all.

We did have a lot of fun in the beginning. She loved my body and we had a great sex life, but then we started getting into our 30s and we weren’t feeling close at all anymore. We had no interest in having kids, either.

We were pretty self-serving, to be honest, and as time went by, we both found other sex partners via our jobs. She really hurt me first, but I got her back big-time. It was a hollow victory, though. My life feels so empty now and we’ve hurt each other in ways that can’t be fixed.

What do you suggest? I am often feeling freaked out and totally disconnected these days. Please help.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I seriously suspect my man, who is 26, wants out of our planned wedding, which is coming up mid-summer. This hurts me deeply.

I’m 34, and we got engaged three months ago after a bad near-breakup fight because I was fed up with the lack of engagement after so long. He started crying and got down on one knee and proposed to me, saying desperately, “Please marry me. Don’t leave me.”

I forgave him for dragging his feet because I love him so much. But now, I suspect he probably doesn’t know how to take that proposal back after things have been moving so quickly. He looks kind of sick about the wedding, although he did enjoy our recent social.

I know he doesn’t feel he’s ready, but he’s the type who see-saws back and forth on everything, unless somebody makes him do it, and then he becomes sold on it. For instance, he used to say he didn’t want kids, and now he fights to hold his married friends’ babies.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I panicked and left rural Manitoba in my late teens, chasing my 18-year-old girlfriend to Toronto who had managed to get an entry-level banking job, thanks to her aunt there.

She took me into her tiny bachelor suite to live with her, and we celebrated the end to our mutual loneliness by carelessly getting pregnant. We got married quickly and had two sons — one 11 months after the other.

These days, our two ungrateful brats have now both graduated high school and just announced they’re going to live with my parents in Manitoba to work on my dad’s farm for the summer — or longer, if he’ll agree.

Farmers? That’s a laugh. They’re a pair of spoiled city kids who like to sleep in, but who can blame them for finagling these sweet summer gigs? My parents are a lot of fun and the boys have already stayed with them a month every summer as they grew up. Now, they have real muscles to pitch in with.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve started going to different churches to shop for new friendships, but it’s just not working out.

I do like the more modern churches with bands and singing and even shouting stuff like “hosannah!” although I’m a quiet guy, normally. I’m definitely attracted to the modern rock ’n’ roll churches. I’m so tired of the old-fashioned choirs and organ accompaniment I grew up with. I still perform in country bands at bars, on some weekend nights, and can sing both lead and harmony, so I’m practised up.

The bands and happy people at these newer-style churches do get me pumped-up and excited, but then I go home by myself in the end again. What a drag!

How do I get into this new circle as a shy man in my 40s?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: It’s been like seeing a ghost since I got back to work. I can see my recent girlfriend, but she acts like I don’t exist. I can tell she doesn’t like working here anymore and her unhappy face makes me feel nervous and sick to my stomach.

She’s been sitting where she asked to be moved to the day after she got home from her holiday in Quebec and heard some news about me through the grapevine. I took a friend of hers out for a fancy dinner while she was away in Montreal with a single girlfriend of hers from here and two others from Quebec. I was feeling jealous and thought she had to be cheating on me when she was away.

Last week the friend who travelled with her told me what a jerk I was for not believing in my true-blue girlfriend.

So, I tried to apologize to my ex, but all she had to say to me was, “You wouldn’t believe me and I have no time for men like you.” How can I get her back? I love her so much. She won’t take my calls and ignores my texts.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ever-expanding wife of eight months says she’s sick of me and my drinking. I told her I’m tired of her and her overeating.

She’s been piling on weight and there’s not even a pregnancy as an excuse — she says kids are just too messy to consider.

I can’t even remember when we last had sex. We fight all the time now that we’re married and it feels like we’re stuck in the mud. She just keeps on saying, “You signed the wedding papers, too, so don’t complain to me.”

What can we do? All we do is go to work, come home and argue.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend left me for a man and I’m speechless. I’m straight and female, and we had a great sex life — or so I thought. I had no idea he was bisexual.

When I told him I was shocked and asked why he didn’t tell me he was bisexual up front, he said, “What for?”

It seemed to me we could have had a serious relationship as two people happy together and sexually attracted. I then thought about this for a couple of days and realized I wouldn’t have given the relationship a shot if he had told me up front.

Now I’m hurting the same way as I have at the end of any relationship, but I’m madder than usual. If he would have told me the whole truth, I could have walked away in the beginning and saved myself a painful breakup. I feel like I was used as an experiment, but then he told me I wasn’t his first woman, so I guess it was more a matter of him pretending to be straight in order to be with me, and it’s just making me more angry.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just moved back to my hometown in Manitoba after years away in Alberta. I’m recently divorced from the guy I married after I hitchhiked to Calgary in my early 20s with my girlfriends. He is the father of my child by an accidental pregnancy. He was a sweet guy and a good dad, but he was never the true love of my life.

I’ve never really lost my feelings for my first love — a guy who still lives in my hometown who is now divorced.

Finally, in my 40s, my marriage broke up and I came home to Manitoba with my teenage son planning to look for a job in Winnipeg, but a great one fell into my lap in my hometown — and I decided to take it.

I went to a baseball game a week later with my brother and his wife, and guess who was in the stands? My old love with one of his boys. His other son was out on the baseball diamond, pitching.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was at our cottage for two weeks finishing a project I’m writing up for my boss out east. He was paying me triple time to finish it up for the people there.

My wife doesn’t like lake life, so she wouldn’t come with me. That made it feel a bit empty, but somehow even better for where I was finally headed — off the rails.

I had my favourite booze, music and nobody to love me, only my on-again/off-again younger girlfriend who came up to visit me for some recreational old-man sex to fill her day. There is no mistaking it for love, that’s for sure.

In the meantime, my wife had a little time to herself and my spies who came up on the weekends reported to me that she didn’t seem to be suffering from loneliness while I was gone.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I thought I knew my single mother’s history — until I found out she actually went to jail for a short time many years ago. Nobody ever mentioned this fact to me — her daughter and only child — until we were sitting around at a barbecue at the lake recently.

It was getting late, and two of my uncles had been drinking a lot. The topic of jail suddenly came up. My mom, who never drinks a drop, started gesturing wildly at her brothers and hissing at them to shut up, but it was too late. She finally grabbed my arm to hustle me quickly out to our truck.

After a few miles of driving quickly, she had tears streaming down her cheeks. I just waited. Then she started telling me what went down when she was part of a gang a long time ago — and went to jail.

Now I admire her for telling me the truth, but I felt sick to my stomach then and threw up. We didn’t speak all the rest of the way home.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My bisexual wife has been seeing an old female friend again and spending a lot of time at her place. She even stays some overnights on weekends in the winter because she says it’s far from home, the roads are slippery and they are drinking wine.

Sure.

I just found out recently that the truth is they like to go to a bar near the friend’s house and act like a couple, dancing together in a sensual way.

I knew before I married my wife that she’d had one lesbian relationship — so no big deal to me.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got the shock of my life this week. I came home early from a meeting because I was feeling tired and caught my husband in our bedroom wearing my new blue summer dress and a blond wig.

He yanked off the wig and dress, and yelled, “What are you doing home?”

I said, “What are you doing in my dress?”

I realize this might be entertaining if it was a movie, but it’s my real life.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife left me to go back to her first husband, who finally quit drinking. She told someone I know that she is now back with the guy who won her heart in high school.

Apparently she vowed she would love him forever when they were teenagers and I guess she does, but my uncles are laying bets on how long they’ll last. The urge to drink doesn’t just go away for an alcoholic.

Now, I wonder if I was just the stand-in for her high school flame until he straightened out. She was married to me for six years and said she didn’t want any children, but the real love of her life is now sober and I have also learned she’s already pregnant by him.

Now she wants a speedy divorce from me.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was waiting in a long line at the grocery store with everyone pretty close together. Suddenly, I thought I felt a pinch on my behind. I couldn’t believe it, so I didn’t do anything.

A few minutes later, it happened again, but harder. I whirled around and this old man and a little boy were scurrying off. I stood there stunned, and then I said out loud, “Somebody pinched me.”

The woman ahead of me said to tell the checkout person and get them to call security, but I was in a big hurry and really didn’t have time that night.

Also, if it was the little boy doing it, I didn’t want him to get a spanking from his grandfather. But I’m still wondering, what should I really have done?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Winter is over and my ex-boyfriend has come back from university in British Columbia with his tail between his legs. He flew home on a ticket his brother had to buy for him.

I heard from a mutual friend that his Vancouver girlfriend had kicked him out soon after the term ended (for reasons I don’t know) and he was just staying with a buddy until he caught the flight.

Now that he’s home on his family’s farm and has no one else to talk to, he calls me in Winnipeg every day. He hasn’t kept in touch with his other Manitoba friends, but he called me occasionally all year. That hurt. Occasional, cool friendship was all I got, because he had a girlfriend where he lived.

Now he just phoned me and told me he has a promising job interview in Winnipeg in a few weeks, and asked if he could he stay over at my place after the interview.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is a born joker and just when I’m about to reach the pinnacle he’ll often say something so funny, I dissolve into hoots of laughter — and then the passion is gone. Too bad for me.

But he’s a man and he carries on just fine. Why doesn’t he rein his joking in, instead of ruining orgasmic moments for me?

— Left in the Lurch, West End

Dear Left in the Lurch: Your husband is likely not joking to spoil the orgasm for you on purpose. A naturally funny person may not have the self-control to hold back funny phrases or gestures that pop into their heads — especially while at the heights of passion, which can stir them to the surface.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: What a shock! I was watching out my window when a big moving van backed into the driveway of the vacant old mansion right across the street from my husband and me.

New neighbours were finally moving in and I crossed my fingers — maybe they would fix that old place up. Being a snoop, I planted myself on my porch with a pot of tea to watch the show.

Soon, a tall, thin model-type woman arrived and got out of a sports car. She started telling the movers where to put furniture and boxes. Then a half hour later, a big car pulled up — and a familiar-looking guy got out.

It was clearly my boyfriend from high school, but now in his late 30s with greying hair. I quickly called my mother and told her who was going to be my new neighbour. I told her I didn’t know what to do.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When my overweight wife and I fought two weeks ago, we had been drinking and said some nasty things about each other’s appearances. She called me fat, drunk and out-of- shape. My reply was, “Then we’re the perfect match.”

We’ve half-heartedly tried to apologize since, but it turns out we can’t easily forget those words. We haven’t gotten undressed in front of each other since. We’re wearing pyjamas to bed and sleeping as far apart as we can get in the bed. Needless to say, there’s been so lovemaking.

Last night, I came home from work and my wife had rolled her dresser into the spare bedroom and taken all her clothes there. I’m feeling hurt and angry, but I don’t really want a divorce.

It was a mean fight and I guess maybe we should make a pact to stop drinking and both lose 50 pounds because deep down I still love her and I hope she loves me.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m 21 and living at my parents’ cottage and working in the nearest town. I am a city boy by birth, but I’m definitely a nature lover at heart. I can happily get lost on adventures in the bush and soon I will have cleared enough underbrush and weeds to start our garden out here to grow all kinds of things. My mom says I must have been a farmer in another life.

Last weekend, another young guy from the area wandered over while walking through the bush. I was lonely, so I invited him to sit down and chat while I planted. Instead, he offered to actually help me plant the fruit-bearing bushes.

Then he called his sister, who was following his path, to come and meet me as well. I wasn’t expecting her to be older than him — and so hot.

Now I can’t sleep at night and I’m wondering, will this guy hate me if I go after his sister?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: It was 8 a.m. at the office building I work in. There are three elevators to choose from and this hot-looking new guy got on mine. I thought it was fate. He hit the same top-floor button — my destination. He was so good-looking I tried not to stare. Instead, I studied the elevator flooring all the way up.

When I finally looked up, he said, “So, we meet again,” and gave me a curt little nod and went off in the direction of our new boss’s office.

What was that guy talking about? And, why was he going to talk with the big boss? It took me until noon to realize I ran into the grown-up version of a guy I treated horribly when I was a university student living in residence. After three months of him leaving anonymous little gifts at my door, and a drunken declaration at a social of his love for me, I told him I couldn’t be less interested.

He had tears in his eyes. I wanted to get rid of him and I was cruel when I did it. I never saw him again, though I heard he eventually moved out of residence. Now, many years later, he is my new competitor.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: What a shock! I had not yet seen the new people who moved in a couple houses down our block because we all tend to use our back doors in the wintertime to get to our garages and cars, and just don’t have as many opportunities to bump into neighbours.

Then yesterday, I happened to be out front when the new neighbour woman stepped out her front door, and then yelled for her housemate to hurry up. My eyes nearly fell out of their sockets when I saw who it was — the former love of my life and someone who used to haunt my dreams.

She put her arm around the woman who came out the door and kissed her on the lips for what felt like a long time. What? This was the girlfriend I couldn’t get to marry me, and now I find out she’s a lesbian or bisexual. She’s such a troublemaker, that I’d bet she knew I lived here before buying the house. Now what do I do when she wanders over here? Because I know she will.

— Happily Married, North Kildonan

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My parents have announced they’re letting me take care of what my friends call “The Mansion” here in the city this summer. My folks want to go to our cottage by themselves for the entire summer for the first time since before my brother and I were born. My mother says, “We feel like college kids again!”

Mom says I’m old enough now to be responsible. But the real reason I have to stay home is because I’m flunking university courses, and my parents insisted I take summer classes to try to get back on track to start my second year in the fall.

The problem with me staying here alone is that I’m worried my wilder friends will invite people from the bar to party here and end up wrecking the place my family loves so much.

I don’t know how to tell this to my trusting folks, but I really don’t want to end up having to be responsible to keep watch over my partying friends and who knows who else. Other years, my folks just locked up our home and we all went to the lake. I miss those days. Help!

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was in a washroom stall at a nightclub when I heard someone familiar talking to her girlfriend at the sinks. To my shock, I learned a certain guy I know had a date with a woman several of us refer to as the “Groom Stealer.” She prides herself on purloining grooms for a fling just days before the wedding. It’s definitely a “mean girl” sport.

I actually recorded most of the conversation on my phone and I’m thinking about giving the bride-to-be a heads-up.

Should I send the recording to her secretly or should I reveal who I am, and hand it to her?

— Witness to Nastiness, Winkler

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My lesbian lover gives me way more fun and happiness than the worrywart guy I married way back when. However, there’s one big problem: now that my kids have gone off to the city, my love wants to move in with me and my animals on my hobby farm.

But with no kids about, I don’t want her here more than one or two nights a week, max. She’s too serious and homebound. I like to wander and enjoy privacy and personal space for exploring. I also like to go online and meet other women and even the occasional back-to-the-land-type man.

That would shock and hurt my lover, who thinks it’s just the two of us. I actually like to go out alone roaming to expand my horizons.

This week, my girlfriend put pressure on me to start seeing her more and I just made a bunch of lame excuses because I don’t want that. Is it down to the restless winds of spring blowing in?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My workaholic husband refuses to leave me, even after catching me cheating on him with another woman I’d been calling my best friend. He came home from work one afternoon unexpectedly and found us entertaining each other in the master bedroom.

He didn’t talk to me for three days. Then he said he had found it in his heart to forgive me and said he didn’t blame me because he’s always away at work. True enough, but I don’t want his forgiveness or the titillation he so clearly feels when he talks about the bedroom scene he happened upon.

Now he’s saying my “girly affair” is actually his fault because he’s ignored me so much. And oddly, he is suddenly begging for a chance to prove how much he loves me.

I told him it was too late. My love was given no respect or attention and it burned out. He said he wants to start over and rekindle it.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have an odd kind of personality and I’m in love with two very different women.

I love my wife here in Manitoba (comfortably and forever) and the regular sex is good enough. It’s all about loving each other, but there are no fireworks.

My sales work takes me out west a lot, and out there I have another woman I lust for big time. We totally amaze each other when we share sexual adventures. When I’m staying at a hotel and she’s visiting, I cross-dress and we have a wild time until the wee hours. We definitely explore some kinky outer limits.

Still, I’m always genuinely excited to come home to see my wife again, as she is beautiful in many ways and very sensual — with candles all over the bedroom to welcome me. We have a tender, romantic kind of love.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My daughter, who is five, has recently figured out how to lie and she told a big one the other day.

My wife was working last weekend, and I had the Saturday off, so I said my daughter could have some friends over. She invited two friends and both their parents hung around. We sat outside and enjoyed the weather, while our kids played and we watched. We had a great time.

But later that day, my daughter told my wife I was in love with one of the moms who had visited, and that this woman sat on my lap. This was definitely not true, but my daughter is too young to know how serious what she said could be.

Now my wife is giving me the cold shoulder, and I can’t get her to listen to the truth. She says I must have at least been flirting to get my daughter to say what she did. I’m starting to worry about my marriage.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I can’t afford to live alone, but I’m feeling sicker by the day, living a lie. My fiancé says goodnight and then goes off and spends hours after midnight in his secret room in the basement, chatting about sex under a made-up name. I’ve listened at the door and it’s pretty freaky.

I have one female spy I know in his online world, so I found out where he goes online, for his weird late-night entertainment.

I have listened at his locked door and he sounds sexually obsessed when he’s online.

Now what do I do? I want to leave him. I already know I’ll have to sneak out with one suitcase because my partner works from home a lot, like I do. I don’t know what to tell my parents, but I really need a rescue.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife keeps flipping me the bird when I want to have sex.

I suspect she’s already getting enough elsewhere. It seriously bugs me she gives me this middle-finger insult instead of apologizing for what she’s been pulling on her fitness afternoons.

I recently paid to have her followed, and it turns out I recognize her mystery man. He works on one of my own construction projects.

I wanted to see him, so I shouted his name as I pulled up and parked close to my wife’s car. Then everything blew wide open.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My long-term girlfriend has just given me the boot because I wouldn’t say “yes,” when she asked me to marry her. She even offered to pay half for a small wedding.

It’s not like she’s a loser. She’s a winner for me in every way, but she’s had enough. Now, she’s thinking of parting with me.

Through tears, she said I’d waited so long to ask her to get married that she was starting to appear unwanted and used, to her old-fashioned family. She has two girlfriends getting married this spring already, and everybody keeps asking her when she’s getting hitched. She’s not even that old — I’m 31 and she’s only 29.

I just liked things the way they were — especially having my own place, but now everything’s come to a head! I found out yesterday she has a deadline for me to ask her to marry her and give her an engagement ring. That has made me feel rushed and angry! What do you think?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My first wife married me in a hurry because she thought she was pregnant with my child, but then she had a miscarriage. We struggled after that and she divorced me within a year. She said she didn’t love me anymore. That cut deep.

A few weeks ago, I told my new girlfriend everything that happened and that my great wish is to marry and have a kid. Now she’s started stalling.

I can’t win for losing — one woman after the other. What is my problem? I want a real love life and a happy marriage, but I just keep getting myself in trouble.

— Total Screw Up? East Kildonan

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve been seeing a man for almost four months, since a Christmas party at my place. Unfortunately, I work two jobs (one at a veterinarian clinic) and can only see him one night a week. He’s a sweetheart and cooks me dinner every Saturday at his place. I stay overnight and go home by 8 a.m. to feed all my cats.

He claims he’s allergic to cats, so he can’t even come to my place. I’m not sure I believe him.

Yesterday, I overheard two workers in our vet clinic talking in the hallway. One of them was talking about her new man — a guy who tells her she can never see him on Saturday nights because he has to work, so she sees him on Wednesdays. My ears perked up. Her friend asked what he was like and she described my man to a tee. She even described where he lived. My heart sank.

I went out and called him from my car. I asked him if he was seeing other women, and he said only one other when he can’t see me. He added that it wasn’t serious.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I usually argue playfully. When we do, we sometimes get sarcastic and say things that might be considered rude on the surface, but we know we’re not being serious.

The trouble is, I playfully called him a name he didn’t like — bastard — and all heck has now broken loose. As soon as I said the word he glared at me, picked up his jacket and keys and took off.

He later texted me, saying he was “not in a good frame of mind to be home,” and was at his best friend’s house. At 3 a.m. he finally came home to bed, sleeping carefully on “his” side of the bed. He’s barely said a word to me since!

Do you think he was somebody else’s child, and not the son of the mean-mouthed “father” who brought him up? I think it would be a good thing not to pass on that man’s blood.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m such a fool. My latest romantic fail was with a musician, who’s the king of using women like me.

He was in Winnipeg by himself for a few weeks, and I went with my mother to his mom’s birthday party, where he was the evening’s entertainment. He plays several instruments professionally — and he’s a great singer.

There was a lot of wine involved, so when he asked people to come up and sing with him, they happily did. Everybody was charmed and wanting more.

Two people with big money asked if he’d be able to stay in Winnipeg long enough to play at parties at their places. Later, I heard the price per party — and I gulped.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I need to end the relationship with my boyfriend I met last fall — a total computer nerd. He’s all about playing games indoors all year round and he certainly doesn’t take pride in his body. I’m into outdoor sports and play tennis and baseball in the spring and summer. I also enjoy swimming, water-skiing and fishing.

I also like to hit the beach and party in the summertime and I also really adore making love under the stars.

I still care for my computer guy since he’s a sweet guy. I don’t want to hurt him, but how can I let him down gently?

— Itching to Cut Loose, Fort Garry

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother thinks it doesn’t look proper for an athletic guy to have two feet of hair down his back. I’m a 26-year-old student and a long-distance runner, and I live with my parents.

My hair is the only thing I have that women remark on as being special about my looks. My mom keeps asking me to cut it off. My hair is shiny, brown and thick — and in a ponytail all day.

Yes, I’m proud of my ponytail. If I have new girlfriends, I let them take it down and they really love it. What can I do about my mom?

— Hands Off My Hair, Westwood

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Spring is in the air and the season awakens me sexually. My husband doesn’t want to hear about it, as I’m already far more sensual than he is.

When the sun is shining all afternoon, I want what I want. I think it’s nature’s way. This morning, I reached for my husband in a sexy way, and he rolled his eyes and said, “It’s springtime again around here. I can tell.”

That was a dangerous mistake for him to make. There’s a new guy I’m working with who has a big thing for me. He’s polite, but he’s already saying things such as, “You’re looking nice again today.”

Do I owe it to my one and only sex partner to be true when he doesn’t even desire me?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My problem is I’m in love with two women.

I’m a guy with a girlfriend of less than a year’s time and I really thought I was falling in love with her, but now my first love from high school has left her girlfriend (she’s bisexual) and come back to Manitoba from another province to tell me she still loves me.

She says she wants me back and claims she’s willing to fight to get me.

She also says she wants to have a child with me and called our breakup “the worst mistake ever.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My younger sister just turned 18 and has her first full-time job. She’s had about three or four paycheques now. This week she shocked the whole family by announcing she was moving out into her own place.

She refused anybody’s moving help, saying she would have the whole family over for a barbecue once she was settled. She wouldn’t let Dad help her move a single thing with his van, either.

Then she said, carelessly, “Thanks, but we’ve got everything covered.” We? What secret housemate does she have? Who is she hiding? I had to find out, so when she went outside for a smoke, I went through her purse and found a receipt for a king-sized bed to be delivered to a certain address. I had the location.

That night my best friend and I drove across town to her new address and spotted a familiar old van in front of a tiny house — it belonged to my ex-boyfriend. Suddenly, I realized everything that was going on behind my back, and it was awful. I drove home in shock and told our parents.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got into a fistfight my drunk cousin started with me and ended up with serious dental problems. He said he was sorry and his dad — my favourite uncle — paid my dentist bill in full to save our friendship. Too late.

How can I tell my cousin I forgive him? I can’t even stand being near him anymore and he makes me nervous. The friendship is gone for me, even though I know he’s really sorry. My family is bugging me to get over it. Why can’t I?

— Former Close Cousin, St. James

Dear Former Close Cousin: The body has its own sort of memory when it comes to danger. Sometimes your body can even wince unintentionally when somebody who has hurt you comes near. Your brain is basically telling you “Danger.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in shock. I came home unexpectedly from work recently to get something I needed for a project. My girlfriend, who works from home, wasn’t there, and her computer screen was left open — like she ran out in a rush.

I couldn’t help reading it. Apparently she’d been chatting with someone she called “Sweetie,” saying she was “alone and lonely” in her present relationship.

That would be me.

I immediately phoned her, but before I could say anything, she cut me off with, “You know I’m at home working right now, and too busy to talk. I’ll see you at dinner.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: An old boyfriend of mine just got hired at the company where I work. Did he know I was working here? Will we get stuck working on projects together now? I’m freaking out.

We met in university and had a little romance that didn’t end well for him. I cheated on him, to be honest. He soon found himself a better job and moved to Toronto, but now he’s back here and married.

I don’t know if he went after this job or they headhunted him, but I know he definitely has the qualifications for it. I feel rattled having him here in the office. I also feel embarrassed because I wasn’t very nice to him at the end of our relationship, and I never apologized.

He’s going to be working above me in the hierarchy. Should I apologize for the way I treated him or just pretend nothing happened between us? I thought I might get away with saying, “You’re looking well. Congratulations on getting the job here.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My dog and I just moved into a little house with my old-fashioned dad. My mom is not well, and my parents have recently split up.

My dad and I have the same first name, so I’m known as “Junior.” Sometimes we get our mail mixed up. Yesterday I got home first, grabbed the mail and quickly opened a letter with a fancy flower sticker on it, thinking my girlfriend must have sent it.

It was actually for my dad — from a woman I remembered he used to work with. She’d enclosed a sexy photo! I handed the letter to dad and said, “Sorry! I didn’t know this was for you, until I opened it.”

He laughed a very nervous laugh. Soon I found out why. Guess who was coming over for a barbecue? The letter writer — obviously dad’s new girlfriend! She even brought a chocolate mousse dessert, his all-time favourite. The woman knows him well, so I don’t think she’s new. I’d bet money on it.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in shock! I recently ran into my old love from university.

I saw him coming into the mall, and he spotted me. His wife started walking into a nearby store and he said something to her, and then went and sat down on a bench.

He noticed me again — staring at him. Our eyes met for a long moment, and then suddenly he was looking down and scribbling something rapidly. He then made a beeline to me and I got that tingly feeling seeing him again — the most gorgeous man I’ve ever dated or been with sexually!

He put his hand out and in it was his phone number. He looked deeply into my eyes, I took the paper from him and then he took off again towards the shop to meet his wife.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have never actually wanted to tie the knot with any guy, and I finally disclosed this fact to my current boyfriend. He said, “Then, give me back my engagement ring!”

I told him It was a gift to me and that I’ll wear it as long as I like. I also reminded him I never considered it an engagement ring.

He just sat there looking shocked. Finally, he said bitterly, “Why did you accept it in the first place? Because it was such a big rock?”

I said, “I guess, partly. It was so beautiful, and I thought I might get used to the idea of marriage.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I found some old pictures of my blond mother — and there’s one shocking photo. She’s with a young blond man and a baby girl they’re holding up between them at what appears to be some kind of party. That baby also has a big shock of blond hair sticking straight up.

It looks a bit like baby pictures of Mom and me, though that baby’s eyes are different and the photo is dated a few years before I was even born. Whose baby is it? Could this baby be an older sister of mine?

There had been whispers from jealous cousins claiming my mother had a baby when she was away at medical school and then gave the child up for adoption to keep on track with her studies.

When I asked my mother about that, she was so angry! She said, “Don’t be ridiculous. I went straight through university and never quit. My cousins are just spiteful and jealous, saying things like that.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend and I fell in love in a more peaceful political time, but now all we do is argue over Canadian and American politics.

In the winter it was kind of a laugh — debating politics in front of the fire with a drink in hand. We thought we were so cool. But those days are over and our new dinner conversations have gotten testier.

We don’t respect each other’s opinions at all and the gradual end of our sex life is the price we’re paying. I’m not even into kissing the man these days because of the words that come out of his mouth.

There’s also a loss of other conversational subjects when we get home from work — and that used to be a natural turn-on time for us. We used to end up making love before we’d even cooked our dinner.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in my 40s and am suddenly single. I would never have left my marriage because it’s against my religion, but my husband left me high and dry.

I was actually secretly relieved. I love being single, and now belong to the singles club attached to my church. I like a couple of the men in my group, but it’s awkward to date more than one and then have to see them both back at the group the next week.

I think the purpose of the group is to make friends, but also to find a special man and not need the group anymore. But I think I have changed already. I don’t think I want to be tied to one man anymore, so how do I work that?

— Need Singles Coaching, Winnipeg

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Here’s how I fell off the Ferris wheel of love. I rode quickly to the top of it last summer with my new guy. We loved getting to know each other and learning how to please each other, making love every night. Plus, I thought I was helping him heal his wounds from a recent breakup he said was hard on him.

I had never been so happy with a guy. I thought it was turning into a lasting relationship for us, but after our wonderful summer, I got a terrible shock. His old girlfriend moved back to the city and started calling him, as if they were still together. Then I found out what was really going on and where she lived — with my boyfriend’s grandmother.

I lost it and yelled at him. I wanted to know why she would be there, of all places.

He said she’d found out she was pregnant with their child, and my boyfriend’s family took her in. I hit the roof. Suddenly nothing good was happening between us and I broke up with him. What a terrible situation.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My youngest brother was supposed to be born on March 31 but didn’t show up until April 1 — April Fool’s Day! So, my parents nicknamed him “Our Little Foolie.”

Foolie is still his at-home nickname, but now he’s 11 and he’s mad about it. So, he’s decided everybody should get a nickname now. He came up with “Stinky” as a nickname for me, because I don’t wear deodorant at home. And “Shorty” is going to be our oldest brother’s nickname, because he’s never going to be over five-foot-six.

Yesterday our mother decreed an end to all nicknames, before Foolie goes into junior high school. I’m mad. I think our parents should let us kids deal with our own name problems! What do you think?

— “Stinky” No More, southern Manitoba

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-boyfriend has just shown back up in Winnipeg and phoned me from his cousin’s house because she was the only one who would give him a bed.

He told me, bitterly, he has to stay in her basement where it’s cold. Boo hoo. This is the jerk who was cheating on me most of our relationship and passed on an STI to me and to another woman I know.

I think he got away with that because he is very good looking and women keep saying “yes” to him, I’ll bet, until they get their test results back.

Last night he came over to my place in a taxi and buzzed me, but I wouldn’t let him in. I yelled out the window for him to go away.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife and I are living a sham of a marriage and we haven’t had sex in seven years. We’ve been staying together as friends mostly for our only daughter’s sake.

Last week my daughter, 19, asked me out for dinner — her treat. I knew something was up. I was happy her mother wasn’t coming, as I enjoy having time alone with my daughter away from her mom’s constant yapping and interference.

I asked her to pick a restaurant and we arrived in separate cars.

During dinner she was talking very nervously, so over dessert, I asked her what was up.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love dogs and I’m really into canine care, training and their health. I love hanging out with them. We understand each other. I’m not a big talker with people, but I really enjoy being with my dogs at home, on walks or teaching them tricks and I also watch a lot of dog videos online. I’m not looking to be a veterinarian and I don’t know if I want to be a vet nurse either, but I do know I really want to work with dogs.

I’m not going to be happy as a regular nurse (which my mother is pushing). Do you have suggestions for me? I’m a person who doesn’t want to learn just by reading books. I like and need action and I enjoy working both indoors and outdoors.

— Dog Lover Needing a Career, Winnipeg

Dear Dog Lover: You might check things out by getting a part-time job at a vet’s office to help you get acquainted with other jobs there. By the end of the summer, by watching and assisting, you might know what you want as a career.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m going right up the wall. I just found out my ex-husband is moving back onto our old street where I still live. He’ll be about two minutes away from the house we bought together when we got married.

I got our home in the divorce settlement and our kids and I still live in it. Why did he do this?

It’s like a small town around here and everybody is already talking. This morning I heard people were betting on whether we’ll be getting back together

The kids, I must admit, are thrilled. Now daddy can pick them up from school more often, they can stay at his place for more overnights and they even like his new girlfriend.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m too old at 47, to be in a complicated mess like this. My wife suggested an open-marriage deal when our sex life went dry nine years ago. Rather than breaking up, I went for the deal because of our four kids. I couldn’t stand to live away from them.

My wife and I had become better friends than lovers, anyway. The kids were the joys of our lives and we didn’t want to hurt them for anything. We just weren’t attracted to each other sexually anymore, so we ended up having our own bedrooms — and whatever private situations we could find online and keep private from each other.

But now, my wife suddenly has a guy she wants to see openly, which leaves me with no choice but to leave our home. I’m afraid the kids are going to be so messed up.

I don’t know what to do. Please suggest something.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I bought a beautiful cabin this week for us and came home to tell my new wife the big surprise. She said, “How dare you! While you make more money, I get to make 50 per cent of the big decisions!”

I said, “But the cabin is amazing and it was such a good deal, and it’s a style you like. Don’t you even want to see it?” She said, “OK, I’ll go see your cabin,” so off we went this morning.

It turned out she really likes it, but she still doesn’t want me to think I can “pull power plays” behind her back, just because I earn more money. What now?

— Upset New Husband, Portage la Prairie

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband was going through his old boxes in the basement, but then got an emergency call from work and had to take off. I went downstairs to throw in some laundry, and the box he was sorting through had been left open.

I read the letter on top. It was in a coloured envelope in a woman’s artsy handwriting — a love letter all about the last time they were together. She started by saying what a “sensitive and exciting” lover he was, and went into detail. Then she said she couldn’t wait to see him again in their special place and signed it with a squiggle, plus the full date.

Surprise. It wasn’t an old letter after all.

I realized they could still be seeing each other. My husband and I stopped having sex a few years ago because it wasn’t good between us anymore. Suddenly, he started apologizing to me because he wasn’t able to “raise the flag anymore.” He said it was because of his medications.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My sex buddy from my university days moved to Vancouver years ago and never came back. But then a few weeks ago we ran into each other at a business event in Winnipeg — the reception had an open bar.

I heard him way across the room braying like a donkey — no one else laughs like that in this world. I followed his laughter and then I saw him up close, and pointed my fingers at him — like a gun. I squinted my eyes, pulled the imaginary trigger and softly said, “Bam.” He did the same thing right back. (That was our old signal for, “Meet me in the car for some action.”)

He came closer and whispered in my ear, “You serious? I don’t even know what car you’re driving these days.” So, I took him over to a the window and pointed — “That red one.” We met there 15 minutes later after quickly making excuses to leave the reception.

It was naughty fun playing in my car — just a great laugh, like old times. Now he’s gone home and I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s not married and neither am I. It’s not love and I doubt it ever will be, but we are so attracted. Should I ask him to come back for a visit? He says he wants to see me again.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I must be going nuts. I’m feeling bombarded by all the distressing world news lately. It feels like going to a bad movie and you can’t get out the doors to leave the theatre. So, like a fool you turn around and watch more of it. How much can a someone take in before they get ill?

Yesterday I decided to work at home for a day and not have to get stuck in conversations with co-workers about everything that’s going on.

But even alone at home I couldn’t help myself. I automatically reached over and tuned on the news and tried to get involved in my work at the same time.

There was nobody at home but me, so I just watched more and more news on TV. I’m a glutton for punishment.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a woman with a beautiful new girlfriend, but there’s one big problem. Other women chase her and call her constantly, and so do some guys! She makes a lot of contacts, but at this point, I’m pretty sure I’m her No. 1 love.

She told me early on: “I’m usually attracted to women, but I’ve had a boyfriend or two, so don’t be surprised.”

Gulp! Now, how do I deal with my insecurity and jealousy over all the other people she talks to and meets in her work and busy social life.

— Green-Eyed Gal, downtown Winnipeg

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was in a drive-thru line recently to get a burger after a horrible day. I was expecting a teenager to hand my food to me, but this manager guy in a white shirt with rolled-up sleeves was up there instead. I looked at his face and started laughing — It was my ex-boyfriend, filling in.

I asked if someone had phoned in sick, and he said yes, but his day got a whole lot better seeing me. Then he added that he was helping to flip burgers and asked if I wanted a job. I laughed and said no. Then cars started honking, so I made a move.

He yelled out, “Call me.” His cell number is still etched on my brain, but how could I ever call him? The last time we exchanged words was at the beach during a fight and I gave his engagement ring back. Then I begged a friend of his to take me home. What should I do?

— Tempted to Call, St. Vital

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My man and I hit a big bump in the road when he took off and went for a long drive last weekend — for hours. He said it was to relax so he could sleep better, but I know he went to see another woman or maybe even a man. I can’t tell with him.

When he finally came home, I was emotionless and stunned, and then I felt hurt and cried. I sensed where he went, and since then there has really been no attention, no love and no sex from him.

At first, I tried to brush it off as a reaction to his high-stress job, so I asked about that. But he just laughed and said no, he still loves his work. But I sensed he didn’t still love me.

Finally, I demanded to know what was going on, and he said, “Oh, shut up. I just don’t feel like making love with you anymore.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Our family is in mourning since my younger brother died — and everybody’s freaking out. There have been everything from blowups with one another to drinking way too much.

Some people, like me, are being hermits because people offer their condolences and pat me on the back awkwardly, and then my tears come again, even in public. I’m so sick of crying.

Aside from pinning a note on my chest that says, “I don’t want to talk about it,” I don’t know what else to do.

Sometimes all it takes is an awkward pat on the shoulder, and my tears come streaming down again. It’s too embarrassing for me to sit there and take their pity. Most people really don’t know me well enough to touch me or hold me, so it’s awkward for both of us. I imagine they’re actually dying to get away from me.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m the official house-husband now and I could be in big trouble. I just started working out of our dining-room home office and walk our puppy several times a day.

When I take the dog to meet my son at school, this pretty young woman who works there has started flying out to walk us partway home, where she catches her bus. She starts fussing over the pup and then walks beside me, yapping away.

As usual, my son wants to get rid of her and just be able to talk to daddy. So, he finally said to her today, “Who are you? You’re not my mommy.” I was shocked at the rudeness, but also kind of pleased. This woman knows I’m married, but she’s been flirting with me on these walks — and my son has picked up on it.

I said to her that I was sorry about his outburst, but after school my son wants to talk to me about his day and that is our special time together. He beamed.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I spotted my old girlfriend recently at Canadian Tire standing with a couple of little kids. I looked left and right — no husband around. I was in a crazy mood, so I gave her a little wolf-whistle just like she used to do to me in high school. Bold thing she has always been, she put her fingers in her mouth and whistled right back. It used to be our thing. I felt a rush of excitement and old feelings.

Her three kids were looking up at her like they couldn’t believe their eyes and ears at what Mommy just did in the store.

I saw my opportunity. I galloped over and said a big, “Hello everybody,” and then asked to be introduced to the little gang and met them all.

After a chat with them, I asked their mom where her husband was and the little girl with her high voice announced, “Mommy and daddy got de-borced.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a “naturist,” or nudist, like other people who have written you. When I’m at home I’m always clothing-free with the sun streaming through my windows. I pretend I live in the tropics. My new living-room and dining room-curtains start halfway down the big windows, to allow in the light.

I love that I can walk around naked in the daytime — just my head and shoulders showing while still basking in the light — without upsetting my new neighbours.

My fussbudget sister was over one night recently to help me with some odd jobs. When she came in she told me, “Those half-drapes aren’t enough, bro!” So we did an experiment and she walked around inside while I was outside looking in. I couldn’t see anything but her head and shoulders above the half curtains from outside. Does she feel like she has to lie to protect me?

— Unashamed, Fort Richmond

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Nobody else knew the large amount of money I had saved, except my dad and grandad — until recently!

I’m in university, but I’ve been working part-time since early high school and saving hard for years. My dream is to be able to invest in new inventions and make big money.

Someone I considered a close friend got me super drunk on my recent birthday. I opened my big mouth and told him how I had all this money piled up in the bank.

He started guessing now much, and squeezed a ballpark figure out of me. He found it exciting and started yapping to a couple of our other buddies there.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is a foodie and she’s freaking out about grocery prices and shortages with all this tariff foolishness.

She’s a noisy woman when she’s upset and she’s making me mad by yapping to all her friends and relatives about it constantly.

We live together in a small new house with a large backyard. So, why doesn’t she just plant a big garden there? She says she won’t be able to do it if I’m always going golfing and drinking with my friends all summer.

I told her I don’t like raking dirt, but I do love noisy machines and will happily dig up the soil in the backyard, and keep the grass cut low around her garden patch. I’m a good guy, but I will not be down on my knees planting a big vegetable garden and weeding it every three days.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is a widow and richer than I will ever be. She was alone for a long period before we met and had gotten into the habit of going on spur-of-the-moment trips whenever she had extra cash, which was about every four months.

Right now, she’s about ready to fly off again to see another girlfriend.

My buddies have started to cruelly tease me by asking, “So which guy is your girlfriend, going to visit this time?”

Maybe they’re right. To tell you the truth, I suspect there may be some guy at the other end of these flights. She never takes a female friend with her.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new wife is freaked out after recognizing the woman who lives next door to the house we just bought. Our neighbour, as it turns out, was the ringleader of the bullies who tormented my wife in junior high.

My poor woman cried and was restless all last night — she hardly slept at all. This morning she announced she needs to live somewhere else in the city.

The bullying was so traumatizing back then she couldn’t eat and hardly slept. She was terrified to walk alone to and from school and had to be driven all the time. She finally moved to her aunt and uncle’s house across the city, saw a psychologist weekly, gained her normal weight back and got through high school. She said she finally felt normal.

It will be highly embarrassing — and probably costly — to put the house up for sale before we even settle in. It will look like we discovered the house has serious problems and it may be very hard to re-sell. My wife says she is not blaming me, but insists she’ll have to move with or without me.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was shocked to spot my ex-husband with a man at an event recently. They were clearly “together” by the intimate way they touched each other. My jaw dropped. Who knew my husband was bisexual? He was always up for sex with me when I was his wife. We never had children together, though.

Now I’m wondering if he was leading a double life with me. The man with him looked strangely familiar, and then I finally remembered him. He used to have longer hair and a strange moustache, but now he’s gone completely grey and has shaved.

He used to be one of my husband’s more distant friends — or so I thought. Do I have the right to call up my ex and ask the questions I’m dying to ask?

— Disturbed Ex, downtown Winnipeg

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve been married for 18 years and my wife is still sexual — but not with me. Recently, she shocked me by telling me she was “kind of attracted” to one of the women at her gym and wondered if I would be open to an experience with the two of them — in other words, a threesome.

It would be in the other woman’s pool at her house. My wife knew I would refuse because I’m afraid of water, but she said she would still go alone to be polite.

She manipulates me all the time like this.

In the last years of being with her, I’ve been having broken-hearted feelings and a constant stomach ache. How do I let her go? She’s trouble, but I still do love her.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I live in an apartment near the main-floor doors right underneath a young man on the second floor. He’s a suspiciously good-looking and busy guy. Women are always coming and going, and being buzzed in.

I can see them — sometimes two or three in one day. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were paying customers, as they arrive and leave in expensive-looking vehicles.

Then, at exactly 5 p.m. every day, this guy leaves and takes a cab somewhere. I’d like to know if he’s going to a legitimate job or he’s doing outcalls, like maybe running a paying evening business.

— Suspicious, Osborne Village

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: At 19, I had a store-clerk job and my own rented attic apartment on the edge of Winnipeg. I soon fell for an “urban cowboy” type who hung out at the nearby pub. One night, he was drinking too much and dancing up a storm. He asked me to join him. I sure did.

Later, he was strong enough to carry tipsy little me up the stairs to my suite after the pub closed. Not much talk, but lots of action.

He generally had little to say on the dates that followed, so dancing and sex were everything that summer — and we produced an “oops.” I got pregnant with our baby girl.

I loved her before she even arrived, but my boyfriend was obviously bored and restless — he didn’t want to hold her or be a young father, but he was contributing to the rent.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife’s sick of hearing me tell her that I’m going to quit doing out-of-town sales. I travel a lot and am good at what I do. I love it, plain and simple.

Sadly, we have no kids. My wife and I can’t seem to get a family started after 10 years. We’ve tried everything and seen all the specialists — the works.

Now, my wife has grown suspicious of other women “getting my babies.” She’ll say, “How do I know what you’re up to, when you’re working so far away?” I always tell her there is no one as interesting and beautiful as her. She smiles a little Mona Lisa smile. I try to keep the guilty look off my face.

One night, after way too many beers together, I heard from my best friend (whose wife is best friends with mine) that my woman has not been true to me in recent months. No wonder she was suddenly more tolerant of my travelling for work. I have kept my silence on the topic, so far.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I spent a weekend holed up with my new girlfriend — not because we wanted the privacy, but because her violent ex-husband just moved back to her town to be closer to his kids. Suddenly, he’s living down the block from her in a town in southern Manitoba. I live in Winnipeg and drive out.

Last night after we had sex, she said apologetically that her ex-husband had found out from her kids about me staying overnight at her house. Then, she dropped the biggest bomb. Her ex told their kids earlier that me and my new car could be in big trouble.

I was horrified, so at 2 a.m. we put on our jackets and parked my car in her garage and left her car outside. Then she took me back to bed, but I didn’t sleep.

I’m a small guy and her ex-husband is a huge dude who could pound me into the ground. I kept imagining him wanting to wreck my car. By morning, I didn’t feel much attracted to this woman anymore, either. So, I woke her up and gave her the goodbye talk. I told her I was getting in my car and going back to my place in the city, for good.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is jealous of her own mother. Her lonely mom recently moved into our house after her husband died. It was my wife’s idea to invite her.

My wife is a successful businesswoman, who leaves home the minute the kids are picked up by their school bus. She doesn’t get home until 5 p.m. I have my own online business and work out of my home office in the basement, so it’s just grandma and me in the house until the kids get home from school.

My wife’s mother is one smart woman — she used to have her own company and has great advice on business problems I run into. She helps me a lot if I have questions.

On top of that, she loves to cook dinners for us and bakes pies. She does everything perfectly — she obviously enjoys a busy domestic life.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m hurting because my girlfriend was due to graduate with her degree and come home this spring, but has just told me she’s decided to stay in British Columbia because she likes the climate better. What crap.

I took a deep breath and said, “What’s the new guy’s name?” There was a long silence and then she said, “It isn’t a guy. It’s a woman — my roommate — and I’m in love with her.”

Then I couldn’t speak at all. I hung up and lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling until the sun started coming up. I was crushed and in shock.

Then I phoned her older sister. I asked her if it’s true my girlfriend has a woman for a lover. (I actually choked on that last word.) She said it was true, but she hadn’t met her yet.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a newly separated dad and thought I was a free bachelor again. But, oh no. My sweet but spoiled only daughter recently told her mother (with vile swear words) to get stuffed, just as her mom was heading out for work.

My daughter then called up her annoying boyfriend to come help her pack and sneak her into my basement suite while I was at work.

Then she called me to say in her smart-alec voice, “Guess what? Mom and I broke up. I’m living with you now.” I was shocked all right.

To be fair, I dote on my girl — we have similar personalities — but she’s a handful. I didn’t expect her to be living with me ever again. She’s 18, likes her music loud and she’s not into earphones. Since she moved in everything in the house is vibrating.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife and I just got married — a great wedding in an old church. Then there was the big dinner — and an unexpected “after show” at the reception, starring our crazy parents.

Both sets of our parents are divorced, and two of them have married new mates. That left my single mother and my wife’s single father, who were not bringing dates. So, we parked my mom and my bride’s dad together, at a big table for eight, hoping they’d be able to get along.

Oh boy, did they ever — like a house on fire! What a party pair. Soon they were hardly paying any attention to anyone but each other, and they were busy getting into the champagne together. At major toasting time, both our sozzled parents got up and proposed toasts to the bride and groom — but they were clearly fixated on one another. There were some raised eyebrows over that.

We were more than eager to bid adieu to the crowd and leave for our month-long honeymoon at a faraway beach resort. But the very next day, our best man called us up while we were on the beach. He had to inform us everybody was buzzing about the “new couple” at the wedding party.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new boyfriend has been interested in theatre for years. The problem is there aren’t enough amateur productions going on to keep him in costume and onstage as much as he wants.

So, when I entered his life — a former amateur actor, myself — all of a sudden he had a partner to act things out with. It was fun for a couple of months, but now I’m sick and tired of the increasingly erotic productions he craves.

I’ve encouraged him to audition for movies or TV series that come to town, but he has a big ego, and at this point he doesn’t want to work his way up to decent-sized parts. He’s a good guy, and a super actor, but I get sick of him breaking into different accents and wearing costumes around his house.

I asked him why he doesn’t get back into community theatre productions like he did in high school and college, but he says he’s past that and just wants to be discovered for a movie shooting in Winnipeg. I know that would really turn him on, but he’s out of practice.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a single middle-aged woman with a mischievous side. I decided to send Valentine’s Day cards to all my favourite old boyfriends for a giggle — just to the “major-league” guys. I love to stir the pot when I’m at work with not enough work to do.

A few of my old loves from a previous long-term office job I had are married now, so I sent their valentines to their workplace with no return address on the red envelopes, and the word “private“ written on the back. It was so much fun. Of course, I knew they could guess it was me so I got a few calls and emails from them.

Unfortunately, the guy I like most now is married. He works here at the new company that employs me.

He’s been off sick, but his assistant spotted the envelope in his mailbox and decided to be helpful and drop it off at his home. That was a big mistake. He phoned to tell me his wife threw the envelope at him, already opened.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife wants a baby so badly, it could break us up. We’ve been married five years, using no birth control, but still no pregnancy.

This week we had the biggest child-related fight of all, and she said she was stopping having “useless sex” with me. She didn’t mean it, thank God.

What my beloved woman doesn’t know is I got a girl pregnant in record time in college, so I have been able to seal the deal. That college girlfriend chose to abort the baby and we actually broke up over that loss. It really hurt me.

I do want kids with my wife, desperately, and I would even be happy to go the adoption route. Even though my wife is being a pain, I love her, but she is likely the cause of our fertility problem and really needs to get herself checked out. How can I tell her that?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m interested in the recently discussed issue about pets watching their humans having sex. After my girlfriend lost her husband, she was lonely and scared, so she started collecting pets and many of them were allowed to sleep in her bedroom.

But now I’m part of her scene and it’s turning me off. I’ve had nightmares about being attacked by her zoo — not that they’ve done anything yet. I haven’t been much of a lover to this woman, I must confess. I’m normally pretty rowdy and noisy, but not at her place.

I’m watching my back. Should I just fade out of this relationship? I’ve never been as captivated by a woman before, but the sex is still making me pretty nervous with all her animals listening in.

— Nervous to Let Loose, southern Manitoba

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother, who got pregnant as a 14-year-old, gave birth to me in Manitoba. She was too young to take care of a baby at that time, but her older sister had recently married and moved to British Columbia. She and her husband couldn’t have kids, so they offered to take me to live with them in Vancouver.

However, there was a price. The deal would be that there could be no interference whatsoever from my mother and other family members. It was pretty harsh, but the deal was accepted to give me a better life.

I must say my “new parents” took me into their hearts and treated me very well. I still really love them, but now that I’m an adult, I’m curious about my other family members.

I went online looking for anything I could find, and found out my birth mother later had another baby as a single mom in Manitoba — a girl who’s quite a bit younger than me.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Recently, I got down on bended knee and gave my girlfriend an engagement ring as a total surprise.

It was a beautiful diamond in a style I’ve seen her admire on other women’s fingers, so I knew she would love it.

She wore it for a week steady, but oddly, she didn’t show it around much — not even to her family and friends. Then she shocked me by saying that she wasn’t sure about getting married. She said it didn’t work the last time she tried it. She apologized and gave me the ring back.

What? I’m not a man who cries, but I was shocked and broke down bawling. Through my tears I told her that I thought she loved me and asked her if that was true.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My youngest daughter brought her new boyfriend home, and here comes trouble. I know the boy’s loud and nasty mother from the hockey rink. She’s what people call a pit bull with lipstick. She constantly screams at her son and all the other players. Sometimes the coaches have to speak to her.

Well, her son better not be anything like his loudmouth mother and shouldn’t have any ideas about giving any nasty attitude to my daughter. I would prefer my baby get away from that whole family, but my husband says I shouldn’t interfere. What do you think?

— Worried mom, southern Manitoba

Dear Worried: Ask your daughter what the boyfriend thinks of his mother’s behaviour at the rink. He’s probably embarrassed. Don’t assume this young this hockey player is a carbon copy of his abrasive mother.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a law student working on becoming a lawyer. Unfortunately, I have nothing much to spend on my wonderful girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. She deserves a fantastic present for being such a doll and showing me so much love, kindness and great sex. I really hit the jackpot and I want to show her how I feel.

Cash has always been an issue, though, and being in school, I’m still going to be poor for a few years. I don’t have enough money for the engagement ring I was hoping to give my sweet girl by now.

I’m paying for my education out of my own pocket and it’s going to be several more years of scrimping, but I am a proud man and a good lover. Can you give me a Valentine’s Day gift idea for something she can actually brag about to her friends?

So far, I’ve only got a little poem about her, and half a dozen grocery-store roses in mind. Still, that doesn’t express the passion I feel for her.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new boyfriend sends pop-up Valentine’s Day cards to all his old girlfriends as a cute joke. He thanks them for the good times and wishes them all the best. He says he never signs them with the word “love,” as it means too much to people. Yeah, right.

To get me off his back, he even encouraged me to do the same. I thought it was kind of stupid, as the guys I broke up with sure didn’t stay buddy-buddy with me. In fact, some were cold and even nasty after I dumped them.

To me, a breakup was for good and then you moved on. Why would you stay friends with someone you once loved when it hurt so badly in the end?

My new man tried to make his little game sound like a cool way to behave. So, I decided to fix him. I sent out a half-dozen kids-style valentines to my old exes. Two of them contacted me to see if I’d consider a fun night, for old times’ sake. No way. They’re just thinking I want sex with them.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was always the Valentine Grinch — but after losing two girlfriends to my no-gifting “problem,” I’ve decided to try being warmer and not so cheap with cards and presents. So, yesterday I went and had a look at Valentine’s cards in drug stores and choked! They’re way too expensive. I need to find a different way. Please help.

— Love on a Tight Budget, northern Manitoba

Dear Tight Budget: Dollar store and thrift shop cards can fit into most budgets and still leave money for chocolate hearts. A mate can also get a kick out of romantic homemade poems or a long list of their amazing qualities. Who doesn’t love a compliment or 10?

Do you happen to be artistic? If so, you might buy a pad of paper and draw your girlfriend. She’d enjoy flattering cartoons of her doing some favourite activities — dancing, sports, playing an instrument, walking the dog — anything. The more flattering the cartoon, the better, and don’t forget to add some hearts.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My best buddy just told me he heard my girlfriend is “hoping to wake up on Valentine’s Day morning, wearing an engagement ring.” My jaw dropped. He said, “Everybody knows you you’re crazy about that woman, and you have the money to get married.”

But she and I only met 10 months ago, and I’m not ready to tie the knot. I had planned to give her a bouquet of red roses at an intimate dinner, and a little heart-shaped diamond pendant as a gift. Yes, it’s a real diamond — though definitely not meant by me as an engagement symbol. I was also expecting a surprise gift from her — probably a painting, as she’s an artist.

She’d also hinted at a special kind of lovemaking on Valentine’s Day night. I was excited about that, but not thinking of any of this as “engagement night” — just a fun, special evening.

Now I’ve got this information from my friend, I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose this girlfriend, but I don’t want to be pushed into an engagement.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new girlfriend wants us to live together, but she has three adult cats and I have a new puppy. Her cats are older and tougher than my little dog, but that won’t last for long. He’s a big breed and is growing a lot every month.

My mate lives on an acreage, which should be plenty of room for six living beings — unless there’s going to be constant conflict among the animals. I thought I could maybe rent out my current house to my nephew if I move in case I need to move back home.

My girlfriend says she’d like to move everybody into her place this spring and be one big happy family.

I’m hesitant. Your advice?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a funny guy at a New Year’s Eve party and he “joked me” into his life. I was intrigued by this hilarious man. We’ve seen each other almost every night since.

But now I’ve started noticing we’re always having a number of cocktails and more than one bottle of wine at dinnertime. On top of that, he has several nightcaps before bed. He has also started teaching me how to layer a cocktail (he’s a former bartender) and what drinks to enjoy before making love so you can lose all your inhibitions.

He obviously loves his booze. He never drinks before he goes to work in the morning (so he says), but he can’t go a whole day or evening without alcohol.

I finally asked him to tell me about his concerning relationship with liquor and he vigorously denied having a problem. He says he’s a light drinker and never gets drunk. Not true.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I really blew it on Valentine’s Day last year — I didn’t even realize it was Feb. 14. Clueless me had nothing for my new girlfriend — no gift, not even an order-in dinner or flowers. She had brought a gift for me. I thought it was just another night and I’d buy her a burger in the car and we’d go shoot some pool.

When she figured out I didn’t have a clue what day it was and that there would be nothing special for her, she called a cab and took off. I was suddenly alone. I called my closest brother and he told me what an idiot I was. “Don’t you know it’s Valentine’s Day?”

Next, I called my best friend who never has a date, hoping to get a little sympathy. He also raked me over the coals for not having a present for my girlfriend and told me to give my head a shake.

OK, that’s a year in the past now and I’m dating a different woman. I really don’t want to blow it this time, as I think I may be falling in love with her. What should I do this year?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Well, he’s back again — the biggest male chauvinist pig in our industry. He’s been re-hired, and he’s going to be working next to me. The guy is in his late 40s now, and the weird thing is, he actually can curb his sexist crap — when he wants to.

My question? How can I get him to stop drooling over me? I’m a woman in my early 20s and young enough to be his daughter. I know he wants me sexually. Should I remind him of his age, or maybe just lie and tell him I’m not into men?

— Need Peace, Winnipeg

Dear Need Peace: Never mind the lesbian lie. Here’s a good passion-killing line to use: “You really remind me of my father! You’re his age, you look like him and you act like him, too.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I just got back together after a colossal fight. I had already returned the little sapphire necklace I bought to give her as a surprise on Valentine’s Day.

She shocked me by apologizing yesterday — lots of tears and begging. I’m a sucker for tears, so we made up perhaps too soon. I woke up this morning, still riding on waves of discontent and feeling kind of sick to my stomach. I really don’t want to give her any kind of ring this Valentine’s Day. Money is not the issue. I’m a songwriter, but I also have a trade and a full-time day job.

Jealousy is really the problem. I found out my girl’s ex-boyfriend has been circling around like a shark, and telling her close friends he wants another chance. I’d like to stick my fist down his throat! I’m not 100 per cent sure I want to be with this woman forever, but I don’t want that jerk to get her.

— So Mixed Up, Fort Richmond

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend has totally disappeared. Just before Christmas we went out to a dance bar and had three or four drinks, then went home to my place and made love.

It was wonderful, so I finally spoke those scary words, “I love you!” But he said nothing back. So, after 20 minutes of silence, I asked him coldly, “What do you see as our next step?” He went dead quiet and almost seemed to stop breathing. Then, he went out to his truck, drove away and I haven’t seen him since.

I cried myself to sleep for a week. I found out he quit work, and I couldn’t get him on his cellphone. I just heard today from my brother (his co-worker) that he’s gone back to Ontario, where his family lives.

I want to go there and make him face me! I deserve to know what happened. I told my big brother, and he said, “Don’t go! I think I know where he is now and who he’s probably with.” Then he sat me down and told me, “It turns out the guy’s separated. He left a wife and kid behind when he came here. He may be back home now.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a long-term wife — a great woman and a devoted nurse. But, I have to say she’s boring. I’ve recently noticed she’s been “missing in action“ on the same nights I tell her I’m going curling. But I’m not really curling — I have another woman.

My wife told me recently she’d joined a “women’s group” on my curling night, but she was vague about what the group actually did — her response was, “Umm… charity work.” She’s a terrible liar, but then again, she hasn’t had the practice I’ve had.

From that moment on, I started suspecting things. I had to know if my wife was secretly seeing someone, so I got my best buddy to follow her. My unsuspecting wife drove straight to a certain home in the North End. I knew exactly who she was seeing then — a guy from our old neighbourhood. He’s younger and she nursed him back to health near the end of COVID.

I have no right to be jealous, but I am! I knew that guy had a thing for her when he was sick. She used to make little jokes about his crush on her.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new love is a wild thing and has suggested we cook in the nude on Valentine’s Day! On the surface this seems like a great idea, but now I suspect we’ll never make it to dinner. Then the whole meal will get burned to a crisp while we’re totally distracted in the bedroom.

— Knowing My Luck, St. Norbert

Dear Knowing: Are you bragging or complaining? If you want more romantic nights with this new adventurous mate, the only smart answer to an invitation like this is, “I can hardly wait to try it!”

Then say, “What can I bring to the table to make it even more fun?” He will suspect he’s finally met his match!

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I was a young guy, I was actually tall and handsome. I once dated a beautiful red-haired woman, who asked me to take her out for dinner. Afterward, she went straight back to her boyfriend and told him. He was so jealous, he married her very soon after. My looks were used as a lever!

Lucky for me, the guy finally died 40 years later. (Just joking!) In any case, I met that same red-haired woman again at a seniors’ singles event recently, and she said laughingly, “Why don’t you take me out for dinner, now that the coast is clear?” I just smiled and said, “I’ll have to think about it.” Miss L., am I not supposed to feel insulted she used me, even now that all this time has passed? And why should I have to pay for her dinner when she asked me?

Am I just getting over-sensitive now I’m older? My dear deceased wife was never like her.

— Been Around, East Kildonan

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m flat-out lonely and miserable since my husband left me, but I’m realizing I don’t want another man. I think I’d rather have a woman again! I had a passionate lesbian relationship in my early 20s, but aside from vigorous sex, that lazy girl just studied and cooked.

Her family was rich, so she could always throw in her half of the rent and expenses, and didn’t need to get a job. Some people’s kids, eh? She was always at home diddling around, making crafts for our place. In time, the whole apartment was changed to reflect her tastes, not mine.

I complained bitterly! Then she ended up meeting a crafty woman from her way-back “girls’ school“ and finally moved off with her. She left me with the whole rent!

But don’t cry for me — soon I met a sweet guy. We had great sex together, but it wasn’t a much better home situation, because we lived on burgers, beer and my earnings. He was never home and didn’t make much money.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Just for a laugh I asked my old boyfriend from high school out for lunch on Valentine’s Day. He lost it on the phone and said, “A thousand times no! You broke my heart, and I can’t afford to be with you again, period.”

Then he hung up. Bang! That was pretty rude, don’t you think?

— Red-Faced Ex, Fort Garry

Dear Red-Faced: It sounds like you got a piece of truth thrown at you, and you deserved it! You were looking for was an ego massage from a guy who still might be half in love with you.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a retired widow in my 70s. This past Christmas, I gave my good friend a Norman Rockwell print on canvas that he’d shown an interest in. I was eager to give it to him, and so proud of myself for having found the perfect gift.

He finally hung it up in his large, cavernous house, but in the laundry room! What should I say, if anything? I was shocked and a little upset.

— Disappointed, Crescentwood

Dear Disappointed: No wonder you were surprised, since this man had already expressed interest in the print. Perhaps he’s amused by Rockwell’s take on things, but thought the house he lives in would clash with Rockwell’s style. Still, a hallway would have been a much nicer home for your gift than the laundry room.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m not really an alcoholic or that much into drugs, but my friends brought me home from a big party that I don’t remember at all.

Plus, I had a sex-related note written in black marker on my back — supposedly from a guy. I didn’t know it was there until one of my roommates (who was at the party) saw me going into the shower and read it to me. She laughed, but I started crying.

I’m really upset now. I don’t remember my shirt coming off at that party or who wrote on my back. Maybe I was asleep or passed out. I’d been drinking for sure and there were some drugs around. Please help me.

— Sick and Worried, Winnipeg

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I first started dating my second husband, he liked watching porn. Then it progressed to us watching it together. Now, it’s while we’re in the process of having sex. I won’t call it “making love,” because I don’t feel the love. I feel like a character in one of these movies.

I finally told him I’m done with the porn, and if he wants to be with me, he has to be with me only. He laughed in my face, and called me a prude. I don’t want my husband focusing on some porn star while we make out, but I don’t want to have a sexless marriage either.

He watches porn often and has for years. He says it’s normal. What am I to do? I’ve definitely reached my limit.

— Out in the Cold, North Kildonan

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My grandmother is in her late 50s, and has a better social life than I do. She’s also beautiful — much better-looking than my mother and me, and she’s a hairdresser and sells skin-care products and cosmetics, so she always looks great.

Last week she asked Mom, if she’d give her permission to do a free “makeover” for me on my birthday. My mother hit the roof because I’m, “only 16 and doesn’t need any makeover!”

So, I rebelled big time. I stayed overnight with Gran the night after my birthday, and asked for “the treatment” anyway. I was shocked at my mother’s reaction when I finally came home. She got tears in her eyes and said, “You’re not my little girl anymore!”

That really hurt. I’ve always been her favourite in our family of girls — her little “plain Jane” with the dishwater-blond hair and white eyelashes.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in a state of shock. The love of my life has moved back to Winnipeg. We almost ruined his marriage by having an affair eight years ago. His wife found out and dragged him back to their hometown in another province. We are both men and now we are both out.

I know his phone number like it was tattooed on my heart. He called me six times at work this week before I finally had the courage to pick up the phone.

He told me he’s back here alone and is at his old place of work at a lesser-paying job. He and his wife are getting a divorce and his kids are done school now.

He wants to see me desperately, but I don’t want to see him. At least, not yet. He says he’s still “addicted” to me and I don’t like that word.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new boyfriend claims nothing can wake him up once he’s in a deep sleep. So the other night, when I was staying over, I was lying there awake while he snored.

I sat up, slithered out of the bed and tip-toed into his computer room. I started to look at his bookshelf collection. It was pretty boring, but below the work-related books on the floor under the bottom shelf, I spotted some picture albums.

My eye caught a red album, unlike the others, so I pulled it out. It was an amateur porn collection featuring himself in a male bikini and otherwise completely naked, surrounded by some girls who looked college age — also naked.

I had no idea my boyfriend looked so hot then — he was young and fit. You could see he was into weightlifting. Wow. You could tell he knew he was hot and enjoyed the posing

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Valentine’s Day is coming up and I’ve been wearing a diamond engagement ring since last Feb. 14.

An old boyfriend of mine was at my neighbourhood bar last night and he asked me outright why my new man hadn’t married me yet (my ex had clearly had a few drinks).

I was embarrassed and said quietly, “Because he doesn’t feel the need to rush.”

My ex laughed and said, “I’m so glad to hear that.” I asked him how he could say such a mean thing and he said, “You misunderstand me. I still love you, and want you. I’d ask you again to marry me.” And then he jokingly said, “If you’d say yes, we could do it next week!”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a woman in my 30s, and my female neighbour next door has me intrigued. She had a girlfriend in the summer, but now she doesn’t. We were just over-the-fence friendly then.

She is beautiful and has a nice backyard pool that she was busy around all summer with friends and her girlfriend. I know they were lovers from how they talked and touched. I could hear them sometimes. Now that girlfriend is gone.

With the leaves off the trees, I can see my neighbour walking around inside her house when she gets home from work. Lately, I’ve really only said hello to her out by our cars, but then I ran out of conversation because I’m shy.

I have a big crush on her. I’m not a drinker or party person, but I can bake. Would it sound too strange to invite her over to sample some of my newest cookie recipes? Or does that sound like too obvious a ploy?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend keeps reminding me Valentine’s Day is coming up. Why? Because she wants an engagement ring from me. I’m not ready.

I think she’s 50 per cent the right one, but that’s not enough. I’m still looking at other women and wondering how life might be different dating them and having fun — and not being pushed towards a wedding.

My girlfriend has never mentioned a wedding openly, but she’s certainly setting the stage. I found out she just bought a new dress this week for a dinner she booked at a fancy restaurant for us on Feb. 14. It’s a place where at least one of her girlfriends was proposed to. I’m not a stupid man, but I’m not ready to buy her a ring either.

Why does she want to marry so young? She’s not even 25 and we both have decent jobs — just not the ones we want forever. Plus, she hasn’t finished her final degree yet, which would enable her to lock down a great full-time position in her profession.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: After my parents separated, my dad would come and pick me up on Saturdays, and my mother was very pleasant and even hugged and kissed him. I wondered why they ever broke up, if they didn’t fight and hate each other.

Weirdly, Dad went right back to living in a great big house with a bunch of people he’d been sharing a place with before he even met my mom.

My dad would always take me over to his mom and dad’s house for Saturday night dinners, and we’d stay overnight. We always had fun together playing cards and board games.

But I’m in my mid-teens and I was wising up. I cornered my mother and asked her why he didn’t take me to his own place. She said it was too soon to tell me.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a guy with a big heart and because of that, I’ve taken in many animals to look after. I have a small place out in the country. I don’t want to say how many animals I have because I know it’s probably frowned upon by some.

I’m young and strong and hate seeing a dog, cat or bird suffering without food, companionship or vet care. It just kills me.

I recently started dating a woman I’ve been falling for, but she isn’t really an animal person. She did pretend to be at first, though.

She’s been pushing our relationship forward swiftly and recently said to me after some great sex: “When we move in together, you’re not bringing your animals, right?”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The holidays were a bad joke for me. My unemployed alcoholic husband, who “checked out” of our love relationship a long time ago, got really drunk. He actually started an argument at our small family New Year’s Eve dinner, and made the kids cry.

Then he staggered upstairs where he lost it completely and phoned my boss’s work line. Of course, my boss wasn’t there, but my drunk husband left him a voicemail about how much I hate the way he treats me “at my stupid job.” Then he passed out on our bed.

Needless to say, once I got back to work this week, my boss asked me to meet him in his office. Then he hit the voicemail button and played back the message from my husband. I broke down crying. I told him how much I hated my husband — not my job!

I told him I feel trapped in the marriage because we have two children, and I love our kids more than anything. Thankfully, my boss is a good guy and told me he understands I’m “going through something,” but told me the situation could not happen again, or that would be it.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: One September — way back when I was going into high school — my father offered me $300 to quit smoking, even if I just lasted one month. I hung out with older guys and smoked steadily, starting in Grade 8. I was pretty hooked. You could always smell it on me, and my parents were pretty upset.

My dad said it could be the start of a car fund. It was hard, but somehow I managed to do it and collected the $300! Then Dad said he’d give me $50 a month if I stayed quit until I graduated high school. I never smoked again, and saved a lot of that money. I got a job and bought an old car when I was just 16.

What does this experience say to me? Some kids can be money-motivated. I’ve just made a financial deal with my own high-school-age kid, who used to have a lot of energy but became much too “relaxed” last fall, because of his daily marijuana use. He was falling asleep in class, and you could smell it on him, so his teachers contacted us.

I wanted him to get off it, so I offered him a cash deal like I once had with my dad, and hinted at the car idea. It seems to be working so far but there’s a difference. I didn’t want my father’s encouragement or advice when I quit smoking cigarettes. I just wanted him to ignore my struggle. My own son wants me to keep noticing him, and praising him! I don’t know how much I should get involved. I would have rebelled if my dad had been on my case, watching and sniffing me to see if I was still smoking.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a former hockey player who suffered an injury that forced me off my team. As a result, I gained about 45 pounds and my wife is pressuring me to go to Weight Watchers. She is scared the extra weight could lead to a heart attack.

She needs to lose about 35 pounds herself. I said to her, “Look at you — you’re heavier for your height than I am for mine.”

Then she started crying.

This morning, she had thrown all the good-tasting food out of the fridge. Nothing remained but eggs, milk, vegetables and frozen meat. The cookie jar was completely empty.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My impassioned mother just bought a new house, next block over from us. We all know she’s lonely for male company since my father died.

She’s funny and blunt — like me — and has said more than once to me and my poor husband, “I need a man!” She’s always been embarrassingly sexual, and her outspoken nature has often left me mortified, over the years. But now she’s acting more like my best female buddy, not my mother. I don’t want this.

My husband thinks I’m making a big deal over nothing, but who’s he to talk? He’s got a building project going on in our basement — a new bar and games room — and he’s been unwittingly supplying the men for Mom. He’s been having different buddies from his sports team coming over to help with the project. He actually finds it amusing to tell my mother, which ones are “open game.”

My mom’s not shy about chasing men. She brings over baked treats, and heads straight downstairs to “chit-chat.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My younger brother is brain-smart, but people-dumb. He lies to people about all kinds of things. Whatever a new woman in his life likes, he says he likes, even if he actually hates it.

My mother is the same — she never openly disagrees with anyone, although she has her preferences and is just concealing them. “I’ll have what you’re having,” is what she always says when she goes out for dinner with anyone. I swear she would choke down an octopus if I ordered one.

She even gave my little brother the nickname Mini-Me. It’s pathetic. He’s a grown man now, but if a woman he likes is enthusiastic about a certain sport, he acts like he is, too. Same with any other subject. That’s exactly how my mother is, and I will note she doesn’t have any close friends in her life.

On her way out of his life, his last girlfriend said to me that at least I have a mind of my own.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband broke my heart on Christmas Day when he mistakenly gave me the wrong present. It had my name on it, but the gaudy lime-green spangled top inside was a size small! I’m a full-chested larger woman, size 3XL, and I’m fair-skinned and blond so I always wear pastels — as my husband well knows.

I knew immediately who the green abomination was meant for — my husband’s younger co-worker. Early last fall, she was trying to start an affair with my man at our store where we all work, and I caught on.

To keep me and the kids, my husband promised the flirtation was over, but he didn’t fire her. She kept on working for our company, but at another location. Obviously, they’ve stayed “in touch” in more ways than one.

After opening the gift, I went into the bedroom and called up this piece of work and said, “I have your Christmas gift from my husband. He gave it to me by mistake, along with a sexy little card for you. Why don’t you come and get it — and bring my sweater with you. I asked him for a pastel-pink one.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife and I normally leave our Christmas lights and big lawn decorations out, for a month after the holiday. Same goes for our big tree in the window. Why? The best decorations were homemade by our kids, and they deserve more attention than a couple short weeks around Christmas.

My crude brother and his family make fun of us, so we don’t invite them over after Christmas. My brother calls me, “Santa, the Christmas Freak.” Last night after dinner, he decided to drop, totally uninvited, by himself. Right away, he was sneering at me about being too lazy to take our “ridiculous” decorations down.

My littlest boy heard started crying, because he loves the holidays more than anybody. He ran to his bedroom, and my wife ran after him. She came back ready to blow sky-high. She pointed her finger at the door and yelled at my brother, “Get out of our house and take your mean mouth with you. Don’t come near us until you’re ready to apologize to all of us, in person!”

He stomped out the door, yelling, “Yeah, when hell freezes over!”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband won’t make love with me anymore — he says it’s too much work and that we’re too old. Maybe he’s too old at 71, but I’m only in my 50s. I’m his second wife and we have no children.

This past fall he seemed suspiciously happy and was away from town on business a lot more than usual. There are other personal clues he’s cheating that I won’t mention. I know he has another woman — or perhaps a man, as he’s done that before.

I’m so tired of waiting for the axe to fall. This Christmas was awful. He was away for most of it and left me alone. I’m not working full time and don’t have much of a social life anymore. What can I do?

— Unhappy Holiday, Tuxedo

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: As a lesbian with a stubborn streak, I have found myself in a difficult situation. I refused to give up my open-relationship stance with my new partner and she has retaliated.

I’ve never been this deeply in love before and it just ripped me apart when I found out she sneaked off and saw her former lover, who was in Manitoba for a visit over the holidays. She drove out and stayed with her at a resort while I was away visiting my grandma. I’m just a wreck. What now?

— Torn Up, St. Boniface

Dear Torn Up: It’s one thing to believe in an untested idea about relationships, but often another to experience it. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed. Your open-relationship provision may have been a useful tactic in protecting your ego by not letting someone else get too attached to you, but now that you have deep feelings for a mate, you’re having a very normal reaction.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is making annoying new year’s resolutions for me. He just told me he wants me to resolve to quit drinking after work with my friends, on our two weekly girls’ nights out. He also wants me to start making our dinners at home every night.

I just laughed and said, “Who am I now, your mother? We’re not even 25 years old yet. Plus, you’re a better cook than I am, and I don’t really get home from work any earlier than you do.” (He finishes at 5:45 p.m. and comes straight home, while I clock out at 5:30, and usually stop for a few groceries and then we walk in the door at pretty much the same time.)

He was mad, but had no reply. So, I threw a pizza in the oven and made us a salad.

The next night, I got home later than usual, on purpose, and there was no dinner made. He just said, “Why don’t I go back to playing poker with my buddies on Wednesday and Saturday nights, and have dinner with them?”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a single guy and band leader in my mid-20s, and my best friend has decided to do some matchmaking. She’s been single for less than three years herself and has joined every singles club and church group imaginable, to meet a new mate and also get her friends all matched up. She’s come up with a whole lot of new single friends, and now she’s organizing one-off singles’ events herself.

I’m single after ending a lousy young marriage about a year ago. This organizer friend says she wants to do some matchmaking for me. She has also offered my band good money to play at one of her singles’ bashes. My bandmates leapt at the big payday, and they’re mostly single too.

I think my matchmaking friend has some particular woman she’s trying to push on me — maybe herself! How should I handle what might feel like manipulation? I’ve never experienced this sort of thing before.

— Suspicious Mind, River Heights

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My grown sons are jealous of the fuss I make over the puppy I just got. Over the holidays, I stayed at each of their homes for a few days. One of my boys said to me over breakfast — while I had the dog on my lap, eating bits of my toast — “Dad, you never treated us like that. Why were you so tough on us?”

I had no immediate answer, so I kept thinking and realized I was in the military when we started a family. I was living by all those rules then and I guess I bought into that mentality at home as well. I was strict, wanting my sons to grow up to be strong men. I treated them more like miniature soldiers than sensitive children.

But they didn’t choose to join the military, so I guess they got my tough treatment for nothing. I recently noticed my sons are quite rule-oriented and not very affectionate with their own young children, just like I was with them.

Is it too late to change this somehow? I’m feeling quite a bit of regret and I want to do something so my grandkids have a different type of upbringing.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m going to a big New Year’s Eve party and the host is a real mischief maker. He went to great pains to personally invite me. When I asked him if I could bring a date, he said, oddly, “Not this time.”

Then today, I find out from somebody else that I’m going to be “running into” my big crush from high school at this guy’s party. I’m single, at the moment, and as far as I know, she is too, but I don’t really feel comfortable with surprise setups. What should I do here?

— Feeling Sick Already, southeastern Manitoba

Dear Feeling Sick: Call up the host, and try get to the bottom of what’s going on. Who knows, perhaps this woman mentioned you and your old buddy saw a chance to finally get you two together. You may not like surprises much, but if you’re not totally averse to the idea, why not open your mind to the experience and see if something clicks? If it doesn’t, no big deal.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m sure my wife is having an affair — emotionally at least. I think I know who the guy is, too. He drops her off from bingo, or wherever they really go, at least once a week. They sit and keep talking in the car for a long time and it’s driving me nuts.

Last night she hinted that she would look the other way if I wanted to have a “friend.”

Is that to ease her own guilt? That’s almost proof she’s got somebody else, isn’t it? Meanwhile, how many other people know what’s going on? And where is the love for me? I still love her.

What should I do? Do I need to get my own woman on the side to get my wife’s attention now? Am I being publicly disrespected? It sure feels like it.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new boyfriend has started having dreams and talking in his sleep. Last night I unfortunately overheard a dream he was having, and he was mumbling a woman’s name I recognized — his old girlfriend before me.

I was so mad! I got up and drove home at 4 a.m. He’s refused to answer any of my questions or respond to my accusations. Who’s in the right here?

— Have My Pride, St. Norbert

Dear Have Pride: When you’re sleeping beside a new mate, you automatically take a chance on overhearing them talk in their sleep. If they’re having an erotic dream and calling out a name that doesn’t sound like yours, it may be an “out-of-date” partner, and the dream is just a re-run of a once fun experience. It’s not really a matter of choice where our subconscious minds take us during REM sleep.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just found out my best friend and I are no longer close. After all these years together, how could I not have seen how one-sided our relationship has become?

I’m such a fool. I’ve never been too busy to listen to her problems. I’ve always dropped whatever I was doing to lend an ear or go over and comfort her if she was crying and really down. She generally doesn’t put much stock in advice from me — a lowly baker by trade.

I normally keep my problems to myself, but for the last two months I was going through a breakup with my husband and needed her shoulder to cry on. So I told her my problems in detail and also about my man’s weird sexual problem.

It turned out to be the wrong move. She made me feel like I overstepped boundaries with her.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My life has to change fast. My dad is forcing me out of the basement. I’m a musician and had planned to make performing music my career.

I was in two different rock bands in high school and we played some pretty big gigs. I loved the feeling of playing my heart out and getting paid at the end of the night.

That’s what I wanted to experience regularly, but my bandmates weren’t serious about music and went off to university.

I was the younger guy, so I finished Grade 12 and got a chance to play in a different band for the summer with three older guys. They were impressed with me, but the regular bandmate I was filling in for came back and I got the boot.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I was a bratty kid, I used to hate the days after Christmas. My single mom would go out to her cleaning jobs and call me spoiled and ungrateful for watching TV instead of playing with the new presents I got from my grandparents.

I would mope around for days, just watching TV. Then my mom would slap down a piece of paper and tell me to start making a list of new year’s resolutions to improve my lazy self. My first one was always “Move out of this house.”

Well, times have changed. I’m unemployed and back in Winnipeg looking for a temporary place to stay while searching for a new job here or anywhere. Mom is hinting she wants me to get that job fast and move out ASAP. What can I do to convince her to let me stay here in peace until I find a decent job and get settled into a new place?

I can’t leave here yet or I’ll be out on the streets. Mom is cranky about it, but I do love her and know she grudgingly enjoys my company, as it can be lonely for her. She still works 40 hour weeks in the daytime.

DEAR READERS: Merry Christmas to everybody celebrating the season! Special warmth goes out to people experiencing a tough holiday season because of health or financial struggles, or those unable to be together with loved ones.

If you’re low on funds to buy presents for those close to you, let me tell you about a very special gift you can conjure up at the last minute. They are homemade “love-and appreciation” lists and cost next to nothing, yet can feel extremely valuable to those who receive them.

On some nice, decorated paper (or whatever you can manage) wish your loved one a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays in big lettering at the top. Then, underneath, write a list of their qualities, deeds and quirks, and why they’re important to you. Examples of attributes could be things such as a big smile, crazy jokes, kindness to animals, warm hugs, beautiful laugh, Earth-shaking snores, generosity or a willingness to always listen and be there for people.

If you have some colourful cord or a little ribbon, roll the list up like a scroll and tie it nicely. Your list can be long or short, but you can be sure a lengthier inventory will thrill the recipient. Loving, handmade offerings such as this may be kept and treasured for a long time.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend tried to give me an engagement ring two weeks ago so “we” could show it off to all the relatives on Christmas Day. He was so excited, presenting me with the big diamond ring.

I was shocked, but I had to refuse and broke his heart. It was a horrible thing to see the tears in his eyes.

But how could I say yes? I’m only 20 and have big plans for my life. I’m finishing my degree in Manitoba, then I want to move to another province and get my masters, which should, hopefully, get me a great job. I want to make good money so I can travel the world, which is my biggest dream.

My boyfriend can’t pretend he didn’t know of my plans. His proposal was a calculated move to stop me in my tracks, but I won’t change my plans for him, even though he’s a great guy.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m 14 and have a new boyfriend, but it may not last past Christmas. He enjoys giving me love bites and “kissy-marks“ (his expression) that I have to hide with clothes and scarves. He thinks it’s cute and funny.

I’m not laughing, and my parents (who are strict) were not amused when they first spotted one. I got seriously lectured by my mother after the second one showed up a week later.

She calls them disgusting hickeys, and I don’t like them either. What can I do with this boyfriend? I really love him in every other way. Help me.

— Hiding My Neck, North Tuxedo

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-husband wants to connect with his “little family” this Christmas, as usual. He makes me so mad! He barely visits his kids all year, but he gets sentimental and lonely this time of year, and brings over expensive toys to buy his way through my door. The kids are always dying to see him, so I let him come in with his gifts and charm them like he’s Santa Claus.

He’s usually had a few drinks before he gets here on Christmas afternoon. Frankly, he makes me sick and I don’t want him here all afternoon, and then joining us for dinner again.

What should I do? Other years I’ve let him stay and play “daddy,” but this year my sister has invited us all to her place — though not him. But if I tell him that ahead of time, he might not show at our house at all, and the kids would be so hurt. What should I do?

— Yuletide Dilemma, West Kildonan

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just found out my husband lost his job a month ago! He didn’t inform me when it happened. He went to “work” every day, sitting at different restaurants and cafés, and would come home at 5 p.m., like everything was OK.

I had no idea he’d been let go. He’d always looked after all our expenses, including the house mortgage payment. He had all our money info on his computer, password protected. I never saw anything he did, but I totally trusted him.

Well, the bank called yesterday, to speak with my husband (he’d been ignoring their calls) and it sounded serious. I immediately called his office, and was told by a secretary he was “no longer with them.” I couldn’t breathe!

He wouldn’t answer my repeated messages or phone calls. When he finally came through the door, I lost it on him. Then he looked at me with tears in his eyes. He said he didn’t know how to tell me he’d been laid off and said he was out looking for a new job every day, with no luck. Now, our savings are almost nil, and the credit cards are almost maxed out. This didn’t need to happen, if he’d been honest with me.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: While I was waiting in line to pay for my groceries, I noticed a commotion at the front doors. A security guard was trying to stop a shoplifter who had a cart full of groceries.

During the struggle, the shoplifter’s COVID mask/disguise slipped down and revealed his face and I recognized the thief. It was my neighbour — a married man who has two little kids. He didn’t see me, but I knew it was him. He managed to break free and run off into the night.

I know things have been tough for this family and I’m afraid for them. I want to tell the dad I witnessed him stealing and he could be charged. But it certainly looked like he was stealing to feed his family, not to resell. What should I do?

— Upset Neighbour, Winnipeg

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My brother is an idiot! He quit his job, saying he was afraid they were going to fire him over some mistake. His company’s big boss liked him and phoned to try to get him back. My bro said no, and now he has a job delivering parcels, half-days. Huh? He won’t go back to his old job that pays a half-decent salary! Mom and Dad gave him a place to stay and three meals a day — a free ride. What’s going on? I keep asking, but it’s some kind of secret.

My brother is sharing a room with me again — not even sleeping in the basement bedroom. He’s a “homebody,” my mother says. Right. He never was before! Now, on weekends, he’s building an addition on the back of our house with my dad and uncles and he’s suddenly whistling and happy. I go off to my high school every day, wondering what’s going on.

— What the Heck? North Winnipeg

Dear What the Heck: Some fine day you might understand all the factors that went into your brother needing to leave that job and spend some time back in the safety and warmth of the family. One day Mom or Dad might explain what was happening during that period — or your brother might even tell you.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new live-in girlfriend, who loves a social drink or three, is all about saying, “Peace on Earth — and pass the eggnog.” Oh, how she loves to party.

In fact, she extends the holiday season with her famous Boxing Day party called the “Indoor Olympic Games” — with crazy competitions, donated prizes from everybody invited, a bartender making fancy drinks and lots of food.

Unfortunately for my happy mood today, she left her computer open last night to her party invitation list. It ticked me off. She had included her long-term boyfriend from just before me, and had already sent out his invitation.

I can’t stand this guy. I used to play on some of the same hockey teams with him. He’s a jerk and a bully. He nicknamed me after one of Santa’s reindeer because I’d get a shiny red nose in the cold.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My second wife and I moved back to my small town, and I’m finding her interests are way too similar to my first wife’s.

Now, the really bad news: As of this month, both women are attending two of the same meetings a week — one at our church, plus the important town-hall meeting.

Both women, it seems, really like to get involved and run things. I guess I’m always attracted to the dynamos!

When I asked my new wife what she and my ex talked about together, she just said, “Stop being jealous! I’ll talk to your ex, if I feel like it. She’s an interesting woman, and you don’t own me.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I wanted a “picture book Christmas,” and I’m certainly artistic enough to make it happen for loved ones. So, I warned my girlfriend — we’re a longtime lesbian couple — that I’d be doing a lot of winter outdoor photography. I joked she could come along and carry the camera equipment. She harrumphed at that idea.

In fact, she took a week off her office job and created a slim book of her own photos, and one beautiful big blow-up piece of wall art. Amazing work! But, I don’t know how I feel now, but I’m kind of jealous. She blew me out of the water with the big art piece.

I’m happy for her blossoming talent, but give me a break already! I was going to give her a big photo for Christmas, and now I’m thinking, what for? She’s the expert now.

— Yes, I’m Sulking, St. Boniface

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new girlfriend loves Christmas, and I don’t! I realized yesterday, when she went on and on about outdoor holiday light displays, it was an “Oh no, here we go again” situation for me.

I just kind of growled at her, but I can’t bear to lose one more woman over my negativity.

I’m actually crazy about this giddy woman. So I’m “trying to please” this time around. And now, I can’t believe I just phoned her and promised to take her on a Christmas lighting tour.

What I’m afraid of is a hit-or-miss situation, where we spend way too much time searching the streets for one decent display. Deep down, I guess I don’t want to be out there anyway. That will just set off a bad mood for me, and then for both of us! Can you help?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother has been “cleverly” sending women to my shop, because she thinks that at my old age of 31 it’s high time I get married and give her grandkids. The problem is, I happen to be a closeted gay man. I don’t date anyone, at least not in plain sight.

I’ve never told Mom outright, but she no doubt suspects something. Yet, there were never any “special male friends” that she could see. I had a second life, a very secret one, for years.

I love “family with kids and grandkids,” just like Mom does, but that was not going to happen for me with a woman.

I think my mother has probably known since high school I was gay, but she hoped I’d “grow out of it.” I’ve known for sure for two decades, but I stayed close with my straight friends from school — all nice guys, but that didn’t get me anywhere romantically. I hated the set-up dates they got for me, and finally chose to have no one — that they knew of.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I was 18 years old, I fell deeply in love with a girl. At Christmastime, she gave me a terrible shock: she told me she was pregnant. I cried all night — we were barely out of high school.

Along with our parents, we decided the best thing to do was to give the baby up for adoption when it arrived, since we were way too young to start being parents. We loved each other, though, and we got married a few years later.

Recently, my wife got a message from a young man saying he was our biological son and he had found us. Then he asked if we wanted to meet him. We said yes, of course.

He soon came to visit, but I guess we didn’t make the grade — he has never been back. Also, the phone number we had for him no longer works.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is a natural clown. We met as teenagers and he was always in trouble for telling jokes and playing practical jokes. Unlike most girls, I loved him for it.

Believe me, I didn’t know what was going to pop out of my own engagement-ring box, but luckily it was a real diamond, and not a joke! At home, after we got married, my sweet man was always trying out new jokes on me (he’s performed the odd time at open-mic standup events), and I would be honest in my responses.

Then last summer I got so tired of the constant joking that he lost me as his daily audience. I still loved him dearly, but I didn’t realize telling him I didn’t want to be his test audience any more would drive a wedge between us.

He’s quickly found himself a small group of female friends online who love to listen to his new material. I’m feeling very jealous now and I want them gone! He just says, “You got tired of my constant joking, and I need a test audience.” I don’t trust those women, and I don’t now what to do.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is turning back into a beauty, but obviously not for my enjoyment! She’s lost weight, gone super-athletic and is part of a mixed running group — with way more guys than women. They run four times a week and go out for chats, coffees and sometimes drinks, afterwards. That’s way too chummy, if you ask me!

On top of that, my wife just had the grey dyed out of her hair, and is a sexy redhead again! She’s not doing that for me, I can tell you that. She’s hardly around home anymore, and we haven’t had sex in two long months — her disinterest, not mine.

On days she’s not running, she’s often playing tennis or curling with her special new friends. So, the other day I approached her, just as she was putting on her walking boots, and said, “What’s going on with us?” and she said, “Nothing!” and literally ran out the door.

I think I still love her — at least the “old her” that I married. I don’t want a divorce yet, although this isn’t much of a relationship anymore.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband just reached out to me from the jail he imposed on himself after I caught him cheating. He has been living at his brother’s cabin and driving in every day to his work on the edge of the city.

The problem now is he is feeling the loss of Christmas, which is always a big deal at our house, and he’s hinting hard, trying to get in on the holiday activities with all of us. Of all the nerve.

Our teenage sons just put up the lights around the picture window and are dying to do the giant tree near the driveway, which requires adult help and a tall ladder. They would really like to invite their father to drive in and help with both that big tree and the indoor family tree, but I simply can’t bear the pain of having him inside with me.

Plus, I refuse to leave my home while just my husband and the boys decorate it together. My naive boys think their dad’s love affair is over with, but I know, from a spy, that my husband is still seeing this woman. The hurt is deep for me.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother ran into an older guy she had a crush on in high school. They were at a work summit when it happened.

Now they’re having weekend visits. He only flies mom to his city and pays for everything (or so I overheard). He never comes here to Winnipeg, his old home. I was suspicious until very recently.

I haven’t met the guy yet, but now I hear from my mom that he’s finally coming here the week before Christmas.

Recently, when I’ve seen him talking to mom online, she’s gotten me to say a quick hello to him over her shoulder. I know he has a fancy hotel booked for them here and he and mom are hitting a couple of New Year’s Eve events together. How should I treat this guy?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex and I share a four-year-old son. He goes to his father’s home every other weekend and I’m OK with my ex having him throughout the week for short visits, too.

The problem is, when I drop off our son my ex often invites me in for a coffee and a chat, and gets our little guy involved with his trains. Then he leads me into the bedroom (of course we lock the door behind us) for a quick interlude.

I know I could easily remedy this situation by not going with him, but a girl needs some loving too. He wasn’t the best husband, but he was always the best in bed. I know I have to stop, but I just can’t.

I’m already involved in a relationship with a quiet new man who loves me deeply, but he’s not the least bit adventurous in bed — always the same old, same old.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My best friend is not a recognizable alcoholic to most people. I know he often drinks at noon and again after work at a bar, and after that he goes home to his wife. She likes her drinks too.

But lately he’s started forgetting what he’s just said when he’s drinking, and repeats himself about other things.

He’s not an old man yet but I’m worried there is cognitive impairment involved. Frankly, I don’t enjoy his company like I used to.

Then he shocked me. The last time I got together with him, he was getting pretty drunk and confessed he had a new lady.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I used to be the life of the party, dancing the weekends away with my best friends at different clubs and house parties. What a fun life.

Then, five years ago, I developed a painful condition — with a rash that covers my face and body. At its worst, this mysterious disease can feel like acid being thrown on me.

At first, I thought it would be a short time before the doctor figured things out. Well, it’s years later and still no luck. During this time, friends have stopped calling to invite me out and have moved on with their fun lives.

One yappy mate said I’m vain for not wanting to come out and that all I ever cared about was my looks.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My grandmother is ill and her final wish is for her two sons to stop the war between them and become friends again. They were very close when they were growing up.

Grandpa died young, many years ago, and his sons inherited his business at too young an age. In the end, they lost the business, mostly over my dad’s terrible sales abilities.

Grandma is probably not going to make it past Christmas and her last wish is not likely going to come true in this lifetime unless the two boys go to the hospital and fake a truce to make their mom feel at peace.

What do you think?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I finally started getting over my girlfriend (in her mid-20s) after she moved out west this past summer for a job. But this week I got a real shock. I heard from a mutual friend she is already engaged to some other guy.

She’s telling mutual friends she’s over the moon about it, knowing they’ll tell me, of course. What’s that supposed to mean? She used to say she would never marry a guy unless there was big money involved. I was too polite to ask what this guy is worth.

When she lived in Winnipeg, she would say she loved me “best,” but never that she loved me “only.”

I’m 32 and ready for real love and want to settle down, but she had a problem with being faithful to any guy. To get around me, she used to say she only cheated with women, so that hardly counted.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend from Winnipeg loves living and working in northern Manitoba (where I live) and wants to stay here for good. He says he’s serious, but I was born and raised here, and it’s not an easy life.

He told me this news when we woke up the other morning, and he also said he seriously loves me and wants to make a life together. Then he happily told me he’ll be a northern guy forever now with no moving back down south.

It’s my dream to escape to the south to live one day. When he saw my shocked face over his “proposal” he quickly noted he would be up for spending one month a year in southern Manitoba, visiting relatives or going on a holiday. I didn’t say anything and just put the blankets over my head.

I’m in shock at his proposal. It feels like he’s saying, “Marry me and we’ll be happy in cold-weather jail forever.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new girlfriend is covered with tattoos, just as I am, but unlike me, she has just graduated into the legal profession. Now that she’s started her professional career, she’s been completely hiding her amazing tattoos under her clothes — even an especially beautiful new one. So much for that secret!

We went out to a party with my friends from work, and I (the guy with the big mouth) let it slip that my girlfriend has amazing tattoos — but no one can see them but me! Yes, I’ll admit I was drinking and bragging!

People grew more curious, and the pressure rose for her to reveal at least one of the “fantastic tattoos” I’d bragged about. She dug in her heels! I foolishly suggested she might just relax and reveal one, as these were just my friends around us.

That did it! Her face fell and she looked daggers at me. She quickly booked a ride and left me behind at the party. In a phone argument with me (I was still at the party), she said she thought she could trust me with her secrets but found out she couldn’t.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran into my old red-haired love at the grocery store recently. He could hardly wait to tell me he has two kids now. Ouch. A shot to my gut. I’m not able to have children.

Tears immediately came into my eyes, picturing the little carrot-topped kids I always wanted to have with him. Still, he proceeded to pull out the baby photos and show them to me.

I looked at them for a bit, then I dumped my groceries on the check-out counter and ran out of the store crying. Store security ran after me and asked if the guy in line did something to upset me.

I said it was nothing, then jumped in my car and raced home to bawl my eyes out.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: A guy came to our door this week looking for my husband. He looked just like my guy — almost like a twin. I walked out on the steps, staring at him. I said jokingly, “Hello. Who are you — my husband’s long-lost cousin?”

He just asked if he could sit down. Then he said, “I’m actually your husband’s older brother. He’s never known about me.” My jaw dropped.

He told me their mother got pregnant with him at 14 and her parents sent her to a home for unwed mothers. After she gave birth, he was adopted.

I asked if the birth father knew about this, and he said yes and, of course, he was a teenager at the time, too.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last night was my birthday and my recent ex-boyfriend left a present on my family’s front lawn for me — an expensive bicycle. My younger brother spotted it from our living room window.

My ex-boyfriend was waiting in his truck, which was idling in front of the house next door. I could hear his music playing out the vehicle windows.

He knew I had desperately wanted a certain bike last summer and had been saving hard for it. I just didn’t have enough money by the end of the season to buy it.

When I saw the fancy bike on our lawn with wrapping paper and ribbons on the handlebars, I phoned my to ask him what he thought he was doing.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My son has been going to university in Ontario for several years. It never dawned on me to distrust him in regard to anything. This should be his third and graduating year for an arts degree with a history major.

But to my shock and disbelief, I just found out today he has quit attending all his classes. He wrote to say he couldn’t stomach them anymore, that he never wanted to be a history teacher like me and offered to send me back the tuition paid this fall as soon as he makes enough money to do so.

I’m a single mom and flabbergasted. He’s been working at a steak house and just mailed me a cheque for $500 as his first repayment to me, so he must be serious — or just trying to shut me up.

He’s only in his early 20s and can’t possibly know his own mind yet. Is he just rebelling?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My 20-year-old daughter worked all summer in sales at a clothing store and did a great job, but at the same time she got really secretive about her social life.

First, she moved out of our house and in with a girlfriend. Then we heard from her 17-year-old brother (the volunteer spy) that she’d found an older guy for a boyfriend. Our son thinks he’s older than his sister by as much as eight or 10 years. She certainly hasn’t introduced us to him.

Now I hear the guy has two daughters and is no longer living with his wife. Should we be thankful for that, or even more worried? My alarm bells keep going off. No doubt my daughter is heading for trouble.

What if she gets pregnant by this guy? We already know he can reproduce. What if he’s abusive? Please tell me what we can do to help her?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was at a store doing some early Christmas shopping when I ran into a friend and his wife. She came up and blew in my ear — and that sent me straight back to my college days when she used to do that to shy guys like me.

She’s still bold and annoying, but she always had a lot of single girlfriends and still does. I’m too single and very lonely these days.

Then she asked if I could please come to a hot tub party at their new place, which also has a pool. She said she has a lot of new single girlfriends she doesn’t know what to do with. How could I say no?

I almost did, though, as I’m shy and hate pool parties, but then I heard myself saying, “Yes, I’d love to come.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Of all the people I never expected to see, there was my ex-husband standing in front of me in line, waiting to pay for his car wash. The attendant told him he’d have to wait for a while. He turned and saw me and said, “Yes, I guess I can wait, if this woman is waiting too.” It turned out to be awkward for the first couple of minutes, and then we laughed at the absurd situation.

Finally, we went outside and really talked. It was fascinating, as it was almost 10 years after our wedding, to the month. We only lasted a year married because of his hidden drug addiction.

We caught up on each other’s relatives and careers. He also told me how he kicked his drug habit, and how his second marriage is going very well. We both have kids now, and we pulled up our photos to proudly show each other. It felt like “old friends.”

So, what’s my problem? I told my current husband about my conversation with my ex and said I’d like us all (both couples) to get together sometime. He said, “Not in this lifetime!”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I spotted my ex-wife and her new husband walking with our two kids into a hockey game. They looked so happy, and it felt like a real punch in the gut. It was my life I was watching go by, only some other guy was experiencing it.

I hid as they passed by. I felt like a fool, but it would have been worse to have run right into them and be introduced — or not introduced. I went home and lost it for a few days. I couldn’t even go to work. I barely managed not to start drinking again.

“Where did I go wrong?” I kept asking myself. I loved her so much — and still do. My wife and I started off such a great pair. I know it was my drinking and drug using that wrecked our marriage. I only managed to quit everything after she left me for good, but she still went after a divorce.

Alcoholics Anonymous helped me kick the booze, which was my biggest downfall — it was not my wife’s fault and I take full blame. But what can I do now about myself?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m 16 and deeply “in like” with my boyfriend who’s 19. He’s trying hard to convince me I’m really “in love,” too, because he wants to have sex.

He knows that’s what it would take for me to agree to make love with him. I’ve told him I would have to be in love with him for life. He just laughs and says that nobody can promise forever, but he’s definitely in love with me right now.

He’s had sex with girlfriends before and tells me it’s fantastic and out of this world and other stuff like that.

Do you think he tells me he really needs to have sex with me because he wants to be able to say he was my first? The truth is, I’m scared of sex. My best friend is 17 and she’s had sex and said it hurt her a lot and wasn’t worth it. Then her period was late, and for two weeks she was worried sick she might be pregnant. Luckily, she’s OK. She broke up with that guy.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: What do you say to your mom, who’s recently separated from your dad and wants you to meet the “new man in her life,” and be friendly?

“No freakin’ way!” is what I said. Where did this snake slither out from?

My parents only broke up in September, and I’m still living at home with my mom. I used to idolize my dad — but he moved out with his younger girlfriend. In retaliation, my mom already has a new guy she’s hot on, and he sleeps over. I do not accept him as the new head of our household!

I particularly hate seeing this dude sitting in my dad’s chair at the dinner table. I refuse to sit down, and make nice with him. Mom’s even got candles lit for dinner these days. I just grab my dinner and take it to my room and turn up the TV, so I can’t hear them talking.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My upstairs neighbours think they can mask their raucous sex with loud music — wrong. Beethoven’s fifth symphony isn’t masking anything, nor is the pounding rock music that starts up right after it. My wife and I know it’s a playlist because all the songs come in a predictable order.

If it weren’t so annoying, it would be funny, and we could scream and holler along with it. What should we do now?

— Captive Audience, Osborne Village

Dear Captive Audience: Write this couple a humorous note about synchronizing your musical sex sessions with them. Suggest the most convenient time, giving them a 60-minute window. Tell them if they prefer to have shorter sex sessions “totally in sync,” you’ll only be available at 4:30 a.m. — a ridiculous hour — so there’s little danger they’ll take you up on it.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve been seeing a beautiful, funny woman for eight months, but I must admit I’ve already been away a lot travelling for the sport I’m involved in. Naturally, she hasn’t mentioned to me she has a lineup of admiring guys wanting to date her whenever I’m away.

But last week I was home and my good friend insisted on taking me out drinking alone. He said, “Buddy, you need to know your girlfriend has a lot of guys for ‘best friends.’ I see them out drinking and dancing together at the clubs. She isn’t even hiding how much she likes it anymore!”

I left right away and drove straight to her place to tell her what he said. She said, “That’s a big lie. Your best friend is the worst one for trying to come on to me when you’re away. He only told you that to make you break up with me, because he’s in love with me himself!”

She was so mad she was pushing me backwards and kept poking at my chest, saying, “I’ve always been true to you and this is the thanks I get?”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Waking up in the darkness gives me the creeps. My new girlfriend makes fun of me for it, like I’m being a big baby. She complains she has to be the tough one who gets out of bed on cold mornings to turn on all the lights in the house for me.

I’ve told her the big advantage of having me for a boyfriend is I go away in the winter for weeks to months at a time for warmth and sunshine — and I pay for my mate’s travel and lodging.

My former girlfriend travelled with me, and she really appreciated those perks, but she eventually told me she couldn’t have children with me because I’m scared of snow and travel too much. I finally told her to get lost.

My new girlfriend is better suited to my outgoing personality and gift for the gab, and we match well sexually.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went to my ex-girlfriend’s door a little later on Halloween night, because I wanted to see her little kids more than anything! Her boys and I had been close, and I knew they’d be home, going through their pillowcases full of candy. I also brought special treats for them I knew they’d love.

The oldest boy answered the door, still in his costume, and quickly pulled me in. The two kids were sorting their candy on the dining room table. They said their mom was “upstairs doing something.” I just needed a bit of the family feeling again, so I sat down with them as they sort through their treat piles.

Then the boys yelled for my ex to come down and see me. She came running! Then I heard a rumble behind her on the stairs and a big guy with serious “bed head” came down behind her.

I saw the oldest boy give his little brother a “look” that meant, “Uh-oh, Here comes trouble!” I stood up quietly and extended my hand to the guy, offering my name. Loverboy just snorted at me, and left my hand dangling.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m recently divorced and the man I’ve been dating asked me to go to a singles dance the weekend before Halloween. I thought I would pull a prank on him by telling him at the last minute I wasn’t feeling well, and then surprise him at the event in a masked costume to see if he recognized me.

So I arrived all dressed up and hidden behind my mask. I found a good spot and had a few strong cocktails while waiting to surprise him.

He arrived all right, dressed as an old-fashioned prince, like something out of The Sound of Music. But he came through the door with a princess on his arm. I just kept drinking and watching, but when he finally stopped dancing and kissed the princess in his arms, I lost it.

I pushed through the dancers and dumped my drink over his head. Some security guys ran up, ushered me out and put me in a cab.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Three nights ago I got a call from a friend telling me my favourite lover from six years ago is suddenly single again! It seemed like fate, because the very next day I ran into a second friend who also knew him and knew of our affair.

She told me she’d heard he was living in Thunder Bay and was depressed because his wife had just left him. She thought I’d laugh about my ex-love and his downfall. But no, I still love him and I realized those two conversations with friends just might have been inspired by the universe.

Should I let my former lover know I’d be willing to make the drive to Thunder Bay to see him? I will always love him.

— Dying to See Him, Silver Heights

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I spotted my ex-girlfriend in a tiny park where I don’t usually go. She was walking with a tall, dark-haired guy, and hanging onto his arm. I couldn’t help myself! I walked right over to her, like I was pulled by a magnet.

She said, “Oh hi!” and touched her hair, a nervous move of hers, I recall. But this time a diamond engagement ring flashed in the sunlight. I was shocked!

I suddenly felt tears stinging my eyes. Somehow — and I know this is crazy — I always thought we’d get back together when the time was right, and she’d marry me, and then we’d live happily ever after.

I said to her guy, in a quiet voice, “Congratulations, I guess you beat me to the punch.” Then I looked into my ex’s eyes and I was totally startled. I felt like we were looking deep into each other’s souls. Then she suddenly had tears in her eyes!

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My last boyfriend won’t let go of me! When my new guy is over at my place, somehow my ex knows. He’s an educated man, but he’s stalking me.

I know it’s him at the end of the silent phone calls, because the fool is asthmatic. He’s harmless, I think, but super jealous and angry, which scares me.

Last Friday, late at night, I knew who it was calling me by the breathing I could hear, and I let my new boyfriend listen, and he started swearing at my ex.

Two minutes later, I looked out the window and spotted my old boyfriend squealing away in his fancy car.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I had an intimate relationship develop at the cottage with another couple this summer. Now that we’re all back from the lake, they don’t seem to want anything to do with us.

In September we invited them over to our house for a dinner and wine-tasting in front of our fireplace. They thanked us for “the offer of a lovely evening,” but declined with no reason — the conversation was over.

So, in mid-October we tried another invite involving a fun night with Halloween costumes, and they turned that down flat as well. No reason and no followup conversation.

My husband and I are feeling hurt and puzzled. Are we just their naughty little secret at the lake and they don’t want anything to do with us in town? Or are they finished with us for good?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a young woman in a profession I absolutely love. I just don’t want to bear children. Is that such a crime? I’m willing to adopt — even two children — and hire serious home help, but that’s it.

I finally confessed this to my serious boyfriend, and he said, with tears in his eyes, “You just wasted three years of my life! I want children with the woman I love, the natural way.” I said, “Then you must not love me very much.”

His reply? “Not so much that I’d want our children to have to look like somebody else, when you’re perfectly able to carry a child.”

Now what? I fear I’m losing the person I love most in the world. I can’t figure out a compromise.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just met the love of my new work friend. I’m in shock.

I didn’t realize I would know him — she had only told me his first name. It turns out he was my junior high crush years ago. We went to school dances together and necked up a storm afterwards, but when things were getting exciting between us, his family moved to another city.

I hadn’t seen him since he was skinny, awkward and his voice was cracking big time, but he’s certainly changed now that he’s 27.

He’s back in the city for a job, and when I first set eyes on him again, I couldn’t speak properly to get out a hello. He looked amused at my shocked reaction.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We’re young parents, and we’re going out trick-or-treating on Halloween night for the first time with our small kids. Problem is, we’re in disagreement as to whether the parents should dress up, too.

My husband is a big kid and loves wearing scary masks and costumes. He clearly misses trick-or-treating himself, but he’s tall with a loud voice, and I think he’d be too scary in costume even for our own kids, never mind others. We do, however, have a silly black-and-white dog mask with spots, and a tail he could wear, rather than his favoured spookier getups.

Should parents chaperoning kids out door-to-door on Halloween night also dress up, or not?

— Too Scary? River Heights

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m not happy with the decisions my daughter is making at university this fall — like suddenly changing programs from what we had decided were best for her.

I’m thinking of cutting off my girl’s funding, so she’ll have to smarten up and come to her senses. Then she can go back to university after she’s worked in the real world for a year!

But now, she’s suddenly threatening to stop talking to us, and to go out and get any kind of job, like a job in bar. She has always been an obedient daughter but now she has these new friends and a new life, and she is not behaving respectfully.

She has always been more of a daddy’s girl because he lets her get away with things, but I’m thinking of her future! I trust you will support me.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend — who’s now in a rock band and thinks he’s so hot— told me he had to take my van for two nights, because they had an out-of-town weekend gig.

It sounded like another of his lies. So, on a hunch last Saturday night, I took a cab past a certain woman’s house. My van was sitting right there!

I felt deeply hurt, and extremely angry. I quickly used my set of keys to get into the van. Then I drove it home to quickly throw all his clothes and music crap into garbage bags.

At 3 a.m. I drove back and left the bags on that woman’s doorstep, with a sign saying, “We are finished.”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently was introduced to my girlfriend’s mother. She’s very much like my girl, but she has “more” of everything. She’s beautiful in the same dark-eyed way, but “built” and more sexy-looking.

The mom and I have the same sports interests and sense of humour. We crack each other up! Her daughter doesn’t get our jokes half the time, and then “Mom“ winks at me.

I was having a beer with my dad last night, and told him how similar the mother and daughter look — kind of weird. He said, “That’s where they got the expression ‘chip off- the old-block.’” I asked my dad what I should do about the weird feeling, and he said, “Depends on the size of the chip! Are we just talking about brown eyes?”

I told him it was more than that and that the mother has a more outgoing personality than the daughter. Also, her mom is an athlete with a perfect body and long black hair. Then I heard myself blurting, “She’s very funny and can really dance, and has taught me some Latin steps already!”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex and I had a child via sperm donor, as I’m infertile genetically. I consider my child to be my own flesh and blood, as I was never going to have one naturally. But ever since my girlfriend broke up with me, she’s been acting more and more like our child isn’t truly mine — since biologically, he isn’t.

It’s extremely hurtful when she tries to make executive decisions about how to raise our boy, when we’re supposed to be co-parenting. If I complain, she gives me jabs about how she “carried the baby for nine long months” and it’s “her flesh and blood,” not mine.

She knows these comments wound me deeply, and she’s already tried to explain to my boy, who’s barely past being a toddler, that “only Mommy’s DNA” is in him.

My heart broke when I next had visiting time, and he asked me, “Are you my real daddy?” I had to try to explain to my own child why I really am his father. There’s no one else who would have been mean and selfish enough to bring that “real father” issue up to him other than his mother!

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife’s behaviour has shifted drastically recently — she’s gone from cold to loving, seemingly overnight. She’s initiating things in the bedroom when I swear she couldn’t have been less interested in sex for the past five years.

She’s even been grabbing my butt, just like we were dating again. It all feels so sudden and unexpected, that it’s made me suspicious. She insists nothing is up, but I worry something happened, perhaps extramarital.

There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to ruin this, and just be grateful she’s being so warm. But if I’m being honest, I would have a much easier time accepting it if she just gave me a reason — like she had viewed an inspirational video, spoke to a therapist or watched a friend’s relationship end.

Despite asking her seriously about it many times, she maintains this passion is just “out of the blue.” I don’t know what to do here, but I know I can’t continue to be suspicious or things will definitely fall apart.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband of three years is the greatest guy, except around Halloween, which he hates for some reason he’s never been able to tell me. Every Halloween night so far, he’s spoiled it for both of us by scowling in front of the TV, and making nasty comments after the kids leave.

Last year, I’d had enough and started thinking. This year I’ve rented him a hotel room and I’m having my “witchy” girlfriends over in costume for my first Halloween party since I got married.

The plan with the babes? We’re all dressing up as witches, and we’re going to dance and take photos, and give out treats together at the door.

As for seeing my husband when my friends go home, I’m driving over to join him at the hotel.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-wife, who is still a very close friend, drove to my condo where I was holed up earlier this month and roared at me, “For God’s sake, I know why you’re depressed and hiding out. Don’t live your whole life pretending to people you’re straight.”

I told her I’d finally given up. I just felt it was past time to come out in my 60s. Our kids are in their 40s.

I’ve always loved the look of women — my wife was very beautiful — but it wasn’t enough. Deep down, I was really wanting a man in my life. I’ve always been living a lie. My ex was right. I do still want to meet and fall in love with a man, but I’m scared I’ve left it too long. I need to talk to someone to help me finally come out. But who and where?

I know younger people than me have places to go for help, but what about an older guy who wants to finally summon the courage to come out?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend thinks Halloween is a stupid celebration for an adult in their late 20s, but I love it with a passion. My secret costume for the swanky costume party I always go to is ready to be picked up from the designer who brings my sketches to life every year.

I’ve said nothing to my girlfriend about the annual event this year. Finally, she said today, “If you’re not inviting me to your fancy Halloween party, don’t expect to knock on my door ever again.”

So I laid it out. I told her I’m definitely going alone this year to what I think is the best annual private Halloween party in this city. She told me to drop dead!

I’ll do just the opposite. With no girlfriend along, I’m going to be free to meet new people and connect like never before. This year I’ll be open to the major flirting that takes place at the event. It’s amazing how much braver people are behind a costume and mask, especially when the refreshments are good. However, I have no real experience with this, so please help me out here. at this.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I can’t believe my alcoholic ex showed up at my door recently with all her suitcases begging to get back in. She kicked herself out of our house and marriage months ago, for being “a drunk and disappointing wife.” Those were her words she wrote in a letter left on the kitchen table. Then she voluntarily went into a rehab program.

After she left, I thought that was it for us — but I never filed for divorce for some reason. I never looked for a girlfriend, either. I don’t know why, but I wasn’t waiting for my wife to come back sober because I had totally given up.

I had also given up on the idea of ever having my own happiness in love again.

So, there she stood at the door — sober and beautiful — asking me to give her another chance, saying she didn’t expect me to totally forgive her until she proved she was sober for good. Well, that was kind of a load off my back. I wouldn’t have to fake the forgiveness thing for her.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I dropped my wife off at her girlfriend/lover’s house for the last time yesterday.

I even helped her unload her boxes and suitcases, and her precious dog with his own trunk of doggie clothes. Yuck.

This happy couple is out of the closet now — with me and soon with everybody.

People must think I was either blind or stone stupid. Those two pretended to be best buddies for many years and I bought it. I was on the road a lot, so I guess their friendship took the guilt and the pressure off me and I turned a blind eye.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I was in my mid-20s, I hooked up online with a woman who was 35. We were like a circus act when we got together and she taught me a lot of great stuff about sex. But her life changed and she moved out of the province years ago. We completely lost contact until recently. She has moved back to Winnipeg, and she’s becoming a problem in my life.

My life has changed radically since I knew her. I’m almost 35 and married now, with two young children and another on the way. I have a great wife I love very much.

Through social media, this ex-lover contacted me when she moved back. I responded to her with a cool but polite, “Welcome back to Winnipeg.” Unfortunately, she seemed to read that as an invitation back to the wild sex we used to have and won’t stop sending me lewd invitations, even though I’m ignoring her. I totally lost interest in this woman many years ago.

The bottom line is I’m not a party guy anymore, and I love my wife and kids deeply. I don’t want my wife thinking I’m into this old lover, but I’m getting sexually explicit invitations from her constantly now.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently broke up with my husband — a religious, handsome, very dominant guy. The bad news? He still thinks he’s in power in this family. In fact, he’s still even trying to kill the Halloween trick-or-treating fun for our two young boys!

Last year, when he took them out in embarrassing choirboy costumes, they came home crying because, “Dad was saying bad things about the other kids in their scary costumes and masks,“ and “Dad was talking mean about kids going door-to-door begging for candy as if their parents couldn’t feed them enough.“ My youngest was in tears.

How do I, as a newly-divorced parent, avoid the negativity of my ex-husband’s behaviour at Halloween?

I’m a bit hopeful because my ex will be out of the country on a business trip the week of Halloween week. I’ve already bought costumes for my boys — the scary ones they really wanted this year — and it’s a surprise for them. We’re going trick-or-treating with my neighbour and her kids. We just met them and they’re lovely.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My dog keeps trying to get through the fence to my attractive new neighbour next door. He thinks he’s in love and has even started crying for her.

I started watching out my kitchen window more closely and it turns out she has fancy dog treats she’s been throwing over the fence to him when he’s in my backyard.

Finally, I went over and knocked on her door to tell her to please stop feeding him; she looked guilty.

She said she would stop, but then asked nicely if she could meet him. She looked so cute and sorry, so I said OK.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My live-in partner hates his mother, but when I just laugh and jokingly suggest he gets a new one, he just grunts and says, “Too late.”

We hardly see her anyway. She’s at bingo three nights a week, and now that gardening season is over and it gets dark earlier, she stays home and watch her shows on TV.

I’m getting fed up with his constant carping about his mother. The thing that worries me is he seems to have broadened his distaste recently to include a lot of other women — such as our neighbour and several of the “witches” where he works.

How long before I am not the exception to the females he seems to disrespect and resent?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a happily divorced woman, age 49. I was recently lying in a park on a blanket watching the leaves come down with my wonderful new guy, feeling very happy and content, when he asked me how I felt about marriage! I said, “I enjoyed it the first time, but then we ran into terrible troubles. Why are you asking?”

He said, “I’d like to consider buying you a diamond ring and you could pick it out.” I thought “Great!” but then he didn’t say anything else at all. Nothing! We finally got up and went home.

Did he just want to buy me a ring to tell the world he loves me? I’ve heard about this ring-exchange-with-no-marriage fad happening a lot recently, but usually with younger couples. We’re middle-aged, and this arrangement doesn’t turn me on. We haven’t spoken about it since, and I haven’t wanted to be intimate with him much either!

— Stalling Out? Fort Garry

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m such a pushover, I never get to do what I want to do! People say I’m “easygoing” but the truth is I can be pushed around, because I’m so scared of losing friends.

I do a lot of things I really don’t want to do. I’ve been wasting a lot of time thinking about this, lying in bed at night and not being able to sleep. I’m so weak, I make myself sick. Help me grow a backbone, please.

— People-Pleaser, The Maples

Dear People-Pleaser: It’s tough always being a follower. In your case, you have a “limiting belief” that your friends hold all the power and you can’t control anything. You think you must get on that train, and go along with what they want to do, or risk losing their friendships.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I received a package today by courier, containing a beautiful diamond tennis bracelet. My eyes filled with tears of happiness! I thought my husband of 15 years finally wanted things to work out in our unhappy marriage. We’ve had issues, but I just never gave up on us.

However, after further investigation into the package, I found a romantic note addressed to “Sandy.” My name isn’t Sandy, and I have no idea who she could be.

When my husband arrived home, he was greeted with all his belongings packed and awaiting him in the garage, with a note attached saying, “Thank you for the beautiful bracelet. Go be with Sandy.” He just quietly took the boxes with his clothes, and left — didn’t yell, didn’t even knock on the door, not a word to me.

I’ve known for some time our marriage was in trouble, but I never thought another woman was the reason. I thought it was because I was never good enough, as that’s what he’s told me, in so many ways. But I still love the man! He was my high school sweetheart, and my first and only love. What do I do now?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother is an idiot with a big heart. We don’t know what to do with her.

She lives next to my wife and me and loves to go on walks — but she strolls around giving away stuff. If somebody admires something she’s wearing — like one of the bracelets on her arm — she’ll just take it off and give it to them.

She tells them not to worry as she got the item at a thrift shop — and she did. It’s not the money my wife and I are worried about, as she’s well set up from her second husband who died a few years ago. I’m just worried she’s going to get hurt because she must look like such a pushover. She says that’s nonsense and sees it as her own little charity, making people smile to have something nice.

I suggested she just donate money to a charity, but she turned it around and said she was worried about me because I used to be kind and generous the way she brought me up. She said I was too fancy now because of my lifestyle (nice house, two cars) and didn’t even have a dog to look after.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went against the ”boss” woman in our group of work friends and now I’m paying for it. I had the better idea for a Halloween group costume at work this year — a coven of glamorous witches — and my co-workers loved it. They knew it would make for great photos!

They ignored our usual pushy leader at work and her weak idea, but then our “alpha” was furious with me! She cornered me and asked, “Why did you do that to me?” I was surprised to see she had tears in her eyes.

I didn’t know what to say, because I must confess I did “do it to her,” on purpose. I’m sick and tired of this woman being the boss of everything that’s social at work. I didn’t say I was sorry, because I wasn’t! I just turned and walked away.

Now the female employees, who actually like me better than her, are drifting over to her camp because they don’t want trouble. She’s already in middle-management and she can be tough.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was recently sitting in a vibrating chair getting a pedicure in a salon with my husband sitting right next to me getting his own pedicure, and first vibrating-chair experience.

After a time, he reached over and gave me the private hand signal he uses if he’s really turned on in a public place.

Suddenly I was feeling the same, so I signalled back three squeezes for, “Yes, me too.” We soon paid and got out of there, and ran to the car for some crazy passion, before heading straight home for more.

It was so much fun — at first. Now my husband wants to start getting regular pedicures together for more turn-ons.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I left my heart in San Francisco, and I’m not joking. The minute I arrived there this summer — my first visit — I felt like I’d finally come home. Everything looked familiar, especially near the ocean. I swear I’ve lived there before.

I actually knew what was coming around corners, and could predict what I’d see next. I fell instantly in love with the city.

I want to live there so badly now I can taste it, see it, feel it and smell the ocean! But I can’t go, as my work and my whole family are here in Canada.

What do you do when you discover another place that feels like it was once yours? It’s unreal! I feel such a strong magnetic pull towards it. Did I really live there in a past life?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m struggling to get past the worst summer of my life and desperately need help.

I should have known something was up when my friend was finding excuses to come out to our farm all the time — and then asking my guy to teach her how to ride horseback.

This is how stupid I was: one time she came back with grass on her back and I actually brushed it off and asked her sympathetically if she’d fallen off her horse.

How trusting and dumb could I be? I should have known when I would see them go riding off together that something was going on, but I didn’t want to think the worst of either of them.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My apartment looks out at another block and the people who barbecue and party on their balconies. It’s been a fun attraction all summer — like watching a TV series. I call it “Balcony World” and have nicknamed some of the most interesting characters.

As summer progressed I also wanted to actually meet some of those people — I feel like I almost know them. However, I do worry it wouldn’t be cool to let on I’ve watched them so closely. I’ve seen a lot happening this spring and summer. I’ve even seen some people on certain balconies that make me wonder if they’re not supposed to be with each other.

What do you think?

— Dying to Meet Cast, south Winnipeg

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My middle-aged husband thinks he’s God’s gift to women, and is trying to act like a cool adviser to the young things he spots. It’s nauseating!

All summer I’ve seen him offering to help young women in bookshops, supermarkets, hardware stores — you name it. He’s just looking for some young thing to talk to, if you ask me.

Plus, he’s quite the actor with these women, I’ll give him that. We used to attend improv classes in theatre school together. He can just fake that he knows everything about everything. Last week I decided to confront him, so I told him I’d noticed him trying to impress woman in stores, pointed out that he never breaks character as their experienced adviser.

Then I asked him how he’d feel if I was flirting, say, with a hot-looking young guy who asked me which peach he should choose.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m considering breaking up with my boyfriend before Halloween — a celebration he totally disapproves of. That’s not all he doesn’t like. There’s Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Easter, even birthdays. He hates “having” to buy gifts. He says he’ll give gifts only if and when he wants to. I must admit he’s generous when he finally does, but it isn’t very often and he has made me cry.

At work, I look around and see other people getting gifts and celebrating with the partner in their lives on all the regular occasions. What is my life if I can’t celebrate all the special days and events like everybody else? Am I being petty about this?

My boyfriend is quite good to me when he wants to be, and he thinks I should be grateful for those crumbs. I didn’t get much as a kid, but I’d still like what everybody else gets.

— Special-Day Letdown, Westwood

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend is so kind and gentle with young animals, it makes me want to have children with him. I told him that, and he shrivelled up in front of me.

He said meanly, “I’m not looking for a wife and kids at 25-years-old,” and then he shouted, “We don’t need a baby! Why don’t you just get a job at the zoo?”

I yelled back, “Well, I was thinking what it’d be like to be your wife, but now I’m not!” What do you think of this?

— Hurt Animal Lover, River Heights

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: A neighbour guy I have the hots for has just helped his girlfriend (his second since I moved in) move out of his suite in our block. Yay! He just threw the last item of hers over his balcony rail — a pink comforter that floated down to the truck.

Not that I’m a spy, but it’s hard to miss what’s been happening recently. Those two had noisy arguments and hot make-up sessions I could hear through my walls!

My problem now? This girlfriend was barely out a few hours, and the neighbour guy came over to apologize for the noise. Then he tried to chat me up! I’ll give him this — he’s a funny, laugh-a-minute guy.

He’s tempting me with his flirting, but I know he’s trouble. I’m sure he has a terrible track record in relationships, but I’m no slouch in the dating department myself. It’s enticing to grab this opportunity to get to know him better. Yes, I know it probably wouldn’t be permanent with a guy like him, but then he hasn’t met a girl like me before either!

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The former love of my life, who moved off to work in Ontario years ago, is suddenly back here with a job in her field. Whoop-di-doo! She’s a mathematical genius, but ditzy in real life. She phoned me up last week and asked to go for drinks and dinner.

Curiosity got the best of me, so I said, “Why not?” and named a place.

Over dinner she ordered quite a few “drinkies” and got tanked. Get this: She said, “I’ve had all summer to think about us. We’re made for each other. Let’s get married, and have three little red-haired kids!”

She’s auburn, I’m golden-red — it’d be quite the combination. Still, it’s just foolishness. Let’s hope it was the booze talking, or else she’s really losing it. I must admit she’s actually pretty cute when she gets like that, but there should be more to married love than matching carrot tops.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got a girl pregnant years ago when I was working for the summer in another province. That girlfriend told me to stay out of her baby’s life if I wasn’t going to stay and help raise the child. I didn’t love her, and told her that honestly. She told me to go back home and said she didn’t want “a stinking red cent” from me for support.

Rightly or wrongly, I never sent her any money, nor talked to her again.

Now that child is an adult, and she has done some testing and quizzed her mother, and has found out for certain my identity as her father. She wants me to be part of her life, as her bio-father.

I’ve only talked to her by phone, and she seems like a nice person. She’s in her 20s now, and seems very mature. I don’t think she’s after money, but long ago I did promise her mother to stay away from her. Do I owe it to her mother to keep that promise?