Cheating mate’s cold lack of concern shocking

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/11/2025 (273 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in a long-term lesbian relationship, or so I thought. My wife came home from a business trip in Asia and was acting strange — kind of skittish if I tried to touch her.

I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn’t feel well from travelling and was going to sleep in the guest bedroom from now on. What?

She turned in early, but I could hear her voice immediately talking on her phone again for almost an hour.

I finally knocked on the door and she hung up the phone. I asked who she was talking to, and she said, “Oh all right, you might as well know sooner than later. I have another woman in my life who I met through work.” I was totally devastated.

I can’t compete because there’s nothing unusual and sexy about me. I’m just a nice woman who loves her totally and completely.

She says there’s no reason to break up on her side, but she understands if I might want to. She says her far-away relationship shouldn’t interfere too much with us, as she won’t be able to see the other woman much — maybe once a year. What?

— Shocked and Wordless. North Kildonan

Dear Shocked: Her annual visit, along with phone calls and love letters to this other woman could easily break your heart over and over again. It’s way too much to ask of you. It’s sadly time to break free, get counselling support, rebuild your trampled ego and heart, and move on.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: An old flame just walked back into my life. He got married and disappeared so completely from my life that I gave up on him 15 years ago. But here he is again with grey hair and he is just as funny and sweet as before.

He was transferred back to Manitoba recently for a job promotion and big raise. Apparently he came back divorced and free.

The problem is I want him, but we work together again. Bosses don’t like that idea of romance in the workplace and possible messy break-ups. What can I do?

— Dang. West Kildonan

Dear Dang: It’s unlikely this guy would have come back to his former place of work if he expected there to be a “complication” with a woman. Therefore, it’s likely he’ll tell you he’s still in the “just friends” category for you.

That may or may not be true, but he may just want the job so badly he’ll say that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s a young guy who works at our place now who looked like a complete farm boy when he arrived, and not a cool one. He needed to come out of his shell, and as a slightly older woman, I jumped on the chance to take him out shopping.

Everybody’s been commenting on how cool he looks now and other friends of his are asking me to help them, too. The first guy got his help from me for free. Nothing like a great haircut, sharp clothes and a list of fun dating ideas to rev up his social life.

But could a person like me make a living with this? I just loved doing it.

— Transformation Artist, Fort Garry

Dear Transformation Artist: Since you’re enjoying it, do a few more transformations for free, take lots of photos and build your reputation. Then people will know it’s more than just luck with one good-looking young guy.

How much should you eventually charge? Since you’re starting with young people who are working and no longer supported by parents, keep the bill affordably low. Grow your reputation while you create a collection of makeover photos and reviews, via social media or a website.

If happy clients start recommending your services to their friends or co-workers down the road, you can up your prices gradually. Don’t be greedy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography