DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m experiencing some fallout from Halloween. I’ve been separated from my wife for three months now and took my two daughters out for trick-or-treating last week.

Their mother said not to come by her place as the girls had already eaten lots of treats at home. That sounded fake to me.

Anyway, at the end of the night, the girls insisted on going to their mother’s house, and “tricking” her. So, I gave in and took them over in their costumes.

When we arrived, they yelled out, “Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat!” Then some big guy came to the door, and my girls yelled, “No! Get mommy for us!”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I spotted an old lover at an annual Halloween bash, and he was in a full pirate costume. I recognized him right off the bat because the pirate thing is an act he’s been pulling off for years — and succeeding to the max with me, I must admit.

I was dressed as a sexy black cat to catch his eye. I waited for him to make his move. He likes to sneak up on me at parties and growl in my ear. It’s predictable, but still a turn-on.

His wife couldn’t make the party, as usual, so he came on his own in his van. It’s the way he travels best — a sneaky guy with a bedroom on wheels so he can make a quick getaway when he’s ready.

Why doesn’t this pirate leave his boring wife for someone like me, who could match his fire?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Christmas is approaching again and this time I’m demanding my diamond engagement ring. I moved to Canada to be with my man, and when we moved in together, he promised me a ring for Christmas — and then it didn’t happen. I got a cheap coat instead.

Now, he has promised me an expensive trip home to visit my family overseas during the holidays instead of an engagement ring to get me off his back.

Sometimes I think I just want to go home to my family and stay there. I’m feeling so hurt and frustrated. Last night I asked him how he would feel if we both bought each other engagement rings — and he laughed in my face saying, “What’s the rush?”

— At Wits’ End, Garden City

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love to see Halloween trick-or-treaters in their costumes. I also dress up every year to greet the kids who come to my door. I’m a 34-year-old woman with no kids of my own.

Our whole yard is lit up in orange lights and my husband and I had a great time hanging ghosts and goblins from the tree branches two weeks ago.

However, our neighbour hates it. Last year we bought a scary sound show to go with the yard decorations and he went nuts. He came running out last week when I tried out my spooky soundtrack. He yelled that it sounded like a “pagan circus” at our place.

Today he growled at me there would be “stupid kids” running across his yard again and said he was going to call the police on us this year.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: You may think I’m crazy, but I’m going to a Halloween party as a glamorous witch to run into this special guy and put my spell on him.

He’s co-hosting it with his housemate and it’s a big bash. You can’t get into this party unless you’re wearing a full-on costume. I don’t want to wear a complete Halloween mask, though, because I want him to recognize me and be attracted.

Can you give me any magical ideas?

— Need to Bewitch Him, West End

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Today, I accidentally stumbled on a couples costume package my crazy girlfriend bought for us for Halloween. It comes with props. She tells me she gets right into the Halloween spirit and the sexiest costumes she can find. I’ve seen some of them from earlier years in her closet. Whoa.

After giving out candy at the door, she says she likes to have wild sex with adult costumes on. I’ve decided I want this with her. I led a dull life before I met her and she says we have to learn to take chances in life. I agree.

It’s trying to figure out what she wants me to say and do when in costume that really gets me worried.

I’m not much of an actor. I’m a weightlifter and just look the part of a warrior or biker, or something tough. My new girlfriend is more of an actor and has some scenes for us to try this Halloween.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This week I got a real kick in the face! It came from someone I thought was a great young friend. It turned out, she just liked hanging out with me for what she could get in terms of influential friends and invitations.

I thought this new friend liked charming old me for myself, but all she wanted was to jump over my head, to be buddies and hang out with bigger “players” in the charity world. She wanted to get deeply involved in this upcoming charity season’s dinners and parties, and obviously saw me as a person to use for that.

This week I heard what she really thinks of me, from a close female buddy. Ouch, that hurt! Now I’m really angry. I don’t want to let this young “friend” get away with using me and hurting me! What can I do?

— High Heel in My Face, Charleswood

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I — lesbians in our 30s — get along famously. But whenever I come home from my parents’ house, I’m depressed. My mom always manages to give me a shot about never being able to provide a grandchild for her and my dad (I’m an only child).

When my dad hugged me goodbye last time, he whispered, “I do try to make her stop this nonsense.” I just don’t feel like going there anymore. She hits me with the guilt grenades every time, like maybe it will be enough to make me adopt and get her the grandchild. Ha.

Seriously, what should I do? It doesn’t even help when I bring our puppy, who’s so small she looks and acts like a baby.

— Failing to Supply Grandchild, Fort Richmond