You need reality check before splurging on cottage4 minute read Thursday, May. 18, 2023
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is trying to pressure me into buying a cabin he’s found at a lake he loves, and I’m worried this is going to end our marriage. We have a lot of debt because he wanted to get married and buy big-ticket items, like a house and a new car, which we did!
This cabin is only a “good deal” because it needs serious renovation even to be livable! I feel like we’re already drowning in debt, and yet he seems unfazed. We both make good money but we are definitely living above our means. I want to start a family, but not while being hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt! How do I get through to him?
— Struggling Hard, Transcona
Dear Struggling: You are right to put your foot on the brakes. You both need to see a financial expert but one who isn’t looking for you to invest in their favourite “money products.”
27°C, A few clouds
Talk to theatre staff about bad actor’s behaviour4 minute read Preview Tuesday, May. 9, 2023
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I like to go to the movie theatre during the day, totally alone. That way I can relax and focus on the movie. Ha! Not happening anymore. The last couple times a certain man has made his way across the theatre to sit two seats away from me! Then he strikes up a conversation over the empty seat before the movie is on.
I have tried to be pleasant and quietly respond to his questions. But, the last time I had to tell him, “Please! I want to watch the movie now!” He just kept talking.
I finally told him I was there to see the movie, not him. He called me a nasty name and moved to another row. I was so shocked by his behaviour I couldn’t enjoy the movie.
Now I feel uneasy going there by myself, but this is my special relax-and-recoup time. I live right near the theatre, and should not have to go across town to watch a movie! Why do certain men look at a woman like it’s their big chance to make a move, and then get upset when they’re turned down?
Be kind to yourself, others are listening4 minute read Preview Monday, May. 1, 2023
I always wonder if I’ve told my children I love them enough times in a day or if I’ve remembered to tell them how proud I am of them. I often think about the ways I could have shown love better.
Did I pay enough attention or actually stop what I was doing (even when I was busy) to listen to them? Did I indulge their requests for me to watch them do just this one part in a video game or hear some corny joke in a YouTube clip I would otherwise have no interest in if it wasn’t for them?
Did I let the little one have one more story past bedtime or, in the very least, have the courtesy to put my phone away during conversations? Did I ask the right questions about their day? Was I kind? Patient? Accepting?
I am constantly questioning myself, hoping I am at least getting it right most of the time. The thing is, sometimes (more than sometimes) I don’t offer myself the same consideration and grace or show myself love, kindness, patience or acceptance the way I ought to, and the way I strive to do for my children.
Don’t force yourself to follow daredevil dad5 minute read Preview Monday, Apr. 10, 2023
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My dad is a thrill-seeking adrenalin junky, and has been my whole life. However, the apple fell far from the tree, as I have no interest in extreme sports. I tend to puke (sorry to say, but it’s true).
Keeping exes close is down to more than generosity4 minute read Preview 2:00 AM CDT
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is a sweet and generous woman of 37, but the trouble is she has close ex-boyfriends she’s still friends with, and she even lends them money for stuff like car repairs. That drives me nuts. She says they always pay her back. Like that’s the point! Last night when I expressed my frustration about this, she called it petty jealousy.
Then she smiled and said her days of listening to men like me tell her what to do are long over. Ha! She’s Catholic and doesn’t even go to confession anymore, so I guess she thinks the priests are below her.
So, why do I keep hanging around this girl? Well, she’s far and away the most generous lover I’ve ever met — sometimes three times a night. You don’t meet women like her more than once in a lifetime.
How can I cope with the fact she gives too much of her self to past boyfriends and it makes me feel jealous.
Remakes OK, but how about some originality in your world?4 minute read Preview Yesterday at 2:02 AM CDT
Give partner’s sober, unexpected reunion a shot4 minute read Preview Yesterday at 2:02 AM CDT
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We arrived up at our cabin and were greeted by a man, who was already moving stuff into the rental cabin next door. The man said hello to me like he knew me, but I drew a blank. He was a totally bald man, athletic build and very tall. Then he spoke my first name and said, “Don’t you recognize me?”
I still didn’t. So, he said, like some kind of joke, “Then I’m not going to tell you.” I shrugged my shoulders and said, “So be it!” Then I went into our cabin. Two hours later my husband drove up and he said, “You’ll never guess who’s renting next door!” And I said, “Go ahead, tell me!”
He replied, “My old drinking buddy from way back in college. When he found out about this one beside us, he thought it’d be fun to come up with his wife and stay next door.” I must have looked sick.
He quickly added, “By the way, he quit drinking long ago, so no worries.” I’ve done nothing but worry since. My husband is finally sober now, and I want to keep him that way. Please help!
Marriage not the best place for your restless libido4 minute read Preview Friday, Jun. 2, 2023
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Our king-sized bed is a wasteland. I look across those expensive silk sheets and see my wife’s back and her beautiful long black hair. She sleeps naked — but no big deal, as she wants nothing to do with me anymore!
Why? Well apparently, I committed an unforgivable sin. I brought home another woman when my wife was out of town seeing her sick mother. When the old bat suddenly took a turn for the better, my wife unexpectedly flew home early to surprise me!
Unfortunately there was another woman in our big bed. Then, all hell broke out. My wife says she wants me out, and she’s going to take me for every cent I’ve got. And the other woman isn’t even taking my calls.
How can I get out of this problem? Deep down, I want my wife back. I love her, and she knows that! I just need a little harmless variety once in a while. Is there a way for me to get her back?
Don’t leave your love life languishing in limbo5 minute read Preview Thursday, Jun. 1, 2023
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new girlfriend used to be an enthusiastic participant in our love life — jumping in her shower when she got home from university, and then racing over to my place on her bicycle. She’d already be excited, and bringing new ideas to the bedroom. Now she acts like she has to put on a show, but her heart isn’t in it.
From the outset she made me agree our relationship would be primarily sexual, and I stupidly agreed. I’m afraid to ask her what’s going on, because I fear the worst. She has a new female friend (we’re both bisexual women) at her summer job. This other woman’s stupid nickname comes up way too often for my comfort.
I feel like I’m losing my girlfriend bit-by-bit, and I’m terrified to bring things to a head. I despise myself for this, but lately I’m tip-toeing around her and buying her gifts. I’m becoming such a pathetic “pleaser.” Please help me know what to say to her now. She’s had quite a few casual relationships, and I think I’m no longer interesting enough for the likes of her.
— Slipping Away From Me, St. James
Call leering brother-in-law out with hubby in earshot4 minute read Preview Wednesday, May. 31, 2023
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is a good guy, but his single brother is a creep! He’s always staring at my long legs and at the bodies of other women in the family. I have asked my husband to take him to task for his behaviour but he doesn’t want to rock the boat, as he only has one brother.
What should I say to this guy? I don’t want it to become a personal vendetta. It’d be so much better if my husband would do something! What is wrong with my man?
— Creep Problem, St. Vital
Dear Problem: Your husband may be afraid of losing a brother forever, but is so sure of your love that he’s not afraid of losing you, even if he doesn’t act.
Stefanson’s government going out with a resounding thud4 minute read Preview Tuesday, May. 30, 2023
Don’t make big hairy deal of son’s bonehead move5 minute read Preview Tuesday, May. 30, 2023
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My son and his two buddies shaved their hair right off! My son had thick, black, beautiful, curly hair. Now he has none. It looks terrible. My eyes filled with tears when I first saw it. I couldn’t help it!
This morning he saw me staring at him, and quickly averted his eyes, saying, “I know, Mom. I hate it too! I’m growing it back.” Then he took out a dirty old baseball cap — and it fell down to his ears without any hair! Then I really cried. How do I handle this?
— Shocked Mama, St. Vital
Dear Shocked: Your son’s hair won’t grow back any faster if you berate him. Try to imagine the future and your son telling the story of shaving his head and what you kindly said to help him get past it — even though you were shocked. Then, play that role by saying in a quiet voice, “Luckily, it will grow back. It’s going to be OK, dear — it’s just hair.”
Challenge classified designations, commit to public interest5 minute read Preview Monday, May. 29, 2023
Sharing sexual fantasies is no laughing matter5 minute read Preview Monday, May. 29, 2023
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I told my new boyfriend about one of my kinky fantasies and now he makes jokes about it all the time. It wasn’t easy for me to talk about it, but I really love him, and I thought I could trust him. When I told him the details about it, he said it wasn’t his particular fantasy, but that everything was still all good between us. Right.
He hasn’t said anything to anyone else as far as I know, but he brings it up to tease me, and I blush. What should I say to him? We’ve only been together four months. If I can’t reveal all of my sexuality, are we doomed in the end?
— Regret Trusting Him, St. James
Dear Regret: Four months is a bit too short a time to develop the kind of trust you need. Plus, you know this particular guy will tease you about any sexual fantasy that makes him feel nervous. He’s a bad bet for you. The good news is that summer is coming, which is the best season of the year for finding new romance, if not love. Don’t waste more of your warm-weather time on him.
Real-world connection could offer more fulfilment4 minute read Preview Sunday, May. 28, 2023
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a bigger girl who likes to have sex, and I usually don’t have any problems with attracting guys online. But now, there’s a bad problem and I’m spiralling downward. I usually ask guys I’m attracted to if they want to hook up, because I’m direct like that, but last week I asked a man who was a big, tall guy, basically in my league, and he told me in a cool voice, “I don’t sleep with big girls.”
He didn’t say fat, and he didn’t call me ugly, but his nonchalant way of rejecting me just made me feel like I didn’t exist — or that I did for a moment, only to be verbally slapped away. Help! I’m losing my confidence.
— Losing My Mojo, Winnipeg
Dear Losing: Unfortunately, it only takes one bad sexual hookup to mess up a person for a long time. It’s time to examine your approach and make some changes. You’ve been offering yourself for instant sex to guys you like the look of online, with no need for a relationship. This guy turned around and acted like you were a robot with no feelings — just a service offered to him, but not in the right size.
Relationship stalled between image and reality5 minute read Preview Saturday, May. 27, 2023
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is a fitness influencer who works out all the time. Recently we got into a big fight when she went to take a photo while “we” were “renting” my house as an Airbnb for a weekend. She didn’t want me in the photo! When I asked her why, she said she was worried her followers would think she has a boyfriend!
Well, she does, and she has had one for six months now! Who did she think people would assume she was with, in this romantic little cottage I own and live in? She has no real money of her own, just a crap job and the fitness nonsense she does online. I feel deeply angry about this whole thing! She says the fitness bits online are her “job” and I shouldn’t take it personally, but how could you not?
— Modern Dating Sucks, Winnipeg
Dear Modern Dating: Part of the problem with dating in 2023 comes out of the recent years of full-on COVID when lonely people would grab a partner quickly and start living with them. Also, people like your girlfriend started living online and created fantasy lives to attract people into their locked-down worlds.
Stoking sexual heat shouldn’t involve real risks5 minute read Preview Friday, May. 26, 2023
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m obsessed with my ex. I think about him a lot. Not every day, but I definitely feel chills all over my body when I think about our old sex life. I have a new boyfriend now, who is a great guy and we have good sex, but it’s not the same. I don’t get any chills.
I should also confess that when I dated my ex, he and I had a terrible relationship. We fought all the time because he was on the wrong side of the law, and it also seemed like he got off on ignoring me, by going downtown to see “the guys.” On top of that, he lost a lot of our money by gambling. My nerdy sister said it was “unhealthy” being with him, but it was also so exciting! Why is life like that?
— Obsessed, St. Vital
Dear Obsessed: Some people who love wild sex need a prelude of excitement from another source. There’s nothing wrong with that, if you can find the thrill you need and it’s not soul-crushing or illegal. If you can create regular teeth-rattling excitement in your own life, you won’t need a guy who creates drama through illegal activities or by ignoring you and leaving you steaming mad. Believe it or not, there’s better kind of steam to be had on a regular basis.
Bow out of fiancée’s family drama this summer5 minute read Preview Thursday, May. 25, 2023
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My fiancée’s teenage sister smiles coyly at me when she thinks only she and I see the sexual slant to something. Then she’ll make a very suggestive remark. I don’t like it! I’m not her secret boyfriend.
I don’t relish going up to their family’s cottage again this year, and they normally go almost every weekend and for the whole month of July. So, I finally told my girlfriend why her hot little sis makes me uncomfortable. She said, “Oh, she’s insecure and always pulling that stuff with my boyfriends!” Little sister prides herself in looking hot, such as with last year’s cobra-skin bikini. (I’m not blind!)
My girlfriend asked, “You want me to shut her down? I can do that. I’ll just tell Dad!” Her little sister adores her dad, who pretty much ignores her. My sweet girlfriend is daddy’s favourite. I have a bad feeling in my gut. Is this maybe a dangerous family to marry into? Got advice?
— Starting to Worry, Bridgwater