DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love to see Halloween trick-or-treaters in their costumes. I also dress up every year to greet the kids who come to my door. I’m a 34-year-old woman with no kids of my own.

Our whole yard is lit up in orange lights and my husband and I had a great time hanging ghosts and goblins from the tree branches two weeks ago.

However, our neighbour hates it. Last year we bought a scary sound show to go with the yard decorations and he went nuts. He came running out last week when I tried out my spooky soundtrack. He yelled that it sounded like a “pagan circus” at our place.

Today he growled at me there would be “stupid kids” running across his yard again and said he was going to call the police on us this year.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: You may think I’m crazy, but I’m going to a Halloween party as a glamorous witch to run into this special guy and put my spell on him.

He’s co-hosting it with his housemate and it’s a big bash. You can’t get into this party unless you’re wearing a full-on costume. I don’t want to wear a complete Halloween mask, though, because I want him to recognize me and be attracted.

Can you give me any magical ideas?

— Need to Bewitch Him, West End

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Today, I accidentally stumbled on a couples costume package my crazy girlfriend bought for us for Halloween. It comes with props. She tells me she gets right into the Halloween spirit and the sexiest costumes she can find. I’ve seen some of them from earlier years in her closet. Whoa.

After giving out candy at the door, she says she likes to have wild sex with adult costumes on. I’ve decided I want this with her. I led a dull life before I met her and she says we have to learn to take chances in life. I agree.

It’s trying to figure out what she wants me to say and do when in costume that really gets me worried.

I’m not much of an actor. I’m a weightlifter and just look the part of a warrior or biker, or something tough. My new girlfriend is more of an actor and has some scenes for us to try this Halloween.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This week I got a real kick in the face! It came from someone I thought was a great young friend. It turned out, she just liked hanging out with me for what she could get in terms of influential friends and invitations.

I thought this new friend liked charming old me for myself, but all she wanted was to jump over my head, to be buddies and hang out with bigger “players” in the charity world. She wanted to get deeply involved in this upcoming charity season’s dinners and parties, and obviously saw me as a person to use for that.

This week I heard what she really thinks of me, from a close female buddy. Ouch, that hurt! Now I’m really angry. I don’t want to let this young “friend” get away with using me and hurting me! What can I do?

— High Heel in My Face, Charleswood

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I — lesbians in our 30s — get along famously. But whenever I come home from my parents’ house, I’m depressed. My mom always manages to give me a shot about never being able to provide a grandchild for her and my dad (I’m an only child).

When my dad hugged me goodbye last time, he whispered, “I do try to make her stop this nonsense.” I just don’t feel like going there anymore. She hits me with the guilt grenades every time, like maybe it will be enough to make me adopt and get her the grandchild. Ha.

Seriously, what should I do? It doesn’t even help when I bring our puppy, who’s so small she looks and acts like a baby.

— Failing to Supply Grandchild, Fort Richmond

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a bad boy at a ski resort last winter who was on holiday with his friends. We’ve stayed in touch by messaging and phone ever since.

This week he called late at night to ask me if I would like to book a week with him at the same resort after Christmas — on his tab. I love skiing and I’m tempted to go.

Plus, the resort he wants us to visit is in Canada, so I’ll feel safe flying in and out, but what if we don’t like each other as much this season and we’re stuck there a week?

I was with girlfriends last year when I first hooked up with him, so I had them to fall back on when he was busy.

The Woman in Cabin 10, a watery thriller that recently dropped on Netflix, is based on a bestselling suspense novel by Ruth Ware.

Sort of.

Ware’s 2016 work relied on the “unreliable female narrator” trope that was flooding the market around that time, in books like Paula Hawkins’ The Girl on the Train (2015) and A.J. Finn’s The Woman in the Window (2018). In this often woozy and wine-soaked genre, a traumatized and unhappy woman, given to blackout drinking or the overuse of prescription pills, witnesses some kind of terrible crime, but is unable to convince anyone of what she’s seen.

This plot once seemed inescapable, which is why it’s interesting that the new movie adaptation of Ware’s book pushes the unreliable-female-narrator cliché overboard right away. In fact, The Woman in Cabin 10’s protagonist, Laura “Lo” Blacklock (played by Pride & Prejudice’s Keira Knightley), is not only not unreliable, she’s super-reliable, being a hard-hitting investigative journalist who’s worked in the world’s most dangerous conflict zones.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My recently-widowed grandmother, who was living with us while her house was being prepared for sale, started staying over at her new boyfriend’s condo a lot. My mother has been making a rude fuss behind her back.

I heard her say to my father last night, “What if they’re having sex?” My dad said, “Well, of course they’re having sex, and that’s great.”

I heard my mother snort.

Then my dad added, “Look, your mother had to worry about you going out with me, and we did get pregnant.”