Face reality and take your breakup seriously

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m experiencing some fallout from Halloween. I’ve been separated from my wife for three months now and took my two daughters out for trick-or-treating last week.

Their mother said not to come by her place as the girls had already eaten lots of treats at home. That sounded fake to me.

Anyway, at the end of the night, the girls insisted on going to their mother’s house, and “tricking” her. So, I gave in and took them over in their costumes.

When we arrived, they yelled out, “Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat!” Then some big guy came to the door, and my girls yelled, “No! Get mommy for us!”

“That must be the new boyfriend,” I heard myself say out loud.

My oldest girl looked back and said, “Yep, it’s mommy’s new boyfriend.”

That was shocking to me.

I will admit I was the bad guy in the relationship who cheated with an old girlfriend, when our married sex disappeared. My wife found out and kicked me out three months ago. I still loved my wife then and I believed in us as a forever couple and thought we would end up back together. Obviously, she didn’t think the same.

After finishing the neighbourhood rounds for candy, I took the girls home to my place for the night and brought them back to their mom’s house the next day. The guy was still there.

The girls walked through the door and my ex slammed it hard, right in my face. Now what?

— More Cold War? Fort Richmond

Dear Cold War: Your breakup was not just a bump in the road for your wife. It’s time you went to a relationship counsellor on your own and worked through the emotions on your side. Your wife has moved on to a new man, so all that’s left for you and your ex may be a friendship and child-sharing.

So go to a relationship counsellor, ASAP, to express the worst of the pain that’s lingering for you. Then ask your wife to come for at least one session with you. She may refuse, saying it’s too late, or she may surprise you and actually come.

If your ex-wife has no desire to try again with you, be willing to work out a peace pact and some sort of friendship. It’s better than nothing when you’re bringing up two children you created together and who love you both.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Instead of a regular-style Halloween party at my neighbours’ house, they had a dance bash on their lawn with special music for the day. It got the neighbourhood kids laughing and having fun together and they served hot dogs, too. Kids get hungry doing the rounds. I think people should have more of these parties.

— Loved Halloween Dance Party! Tuxedo

Dear Loved It: Outdoor Halloween dance parties have become more common in the last few years. It’s a great way to warm up your feet and have fun with neighbourhood friends. Some people even put up disco lights on their garages or trees and clear out the driveway to create a real dance floor.

You might want to be a scary-looking DJ next year.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.