DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m experiencing some fallout from Halloween. I’ve been separated from my wife for three months now and took my two daughters out for trick-or-treating last week.

Their mother said not to come by her place as the girls had already eaten lots of treats at home. That sounded fake to me.

Anyway, at the end of the night, the girls insisted on going to their mother’s house, and “tricking” her. So, I gave in and took them over in their costumes.

When we arrived, they yelled out, “Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat!” Then some big guy came to the door, and my girls yelled, “No! Get mommy for us!”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I spotted an old lover at an annual Halloween bash, and he was in a full pirate costume. I recognized him right off the bat because the pirate thing is an act he’s been pulling off for years — and succeeding to the max with me, I must admit.

I was dressed as a sexy black cat to catch his eye. I waited for him to make his move. He likes to sneak up on me at parties and growl in my ear. It’s predictable, but still a turn-on.

His wife couldn’t make the party, as usual, so he came on his own in his van. It’s the way he travels best — a sneaky guy with a bedroom on wheels so he can make a quick getaway when he’s ready.

Why doesn’t this pirate leave his boring wife for someone like me, who could match his fire?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I look like a giant with my height and weight, and some women really like that. I recently met a very tall, shapely woman, and was instantly attracted, so I asked her out.

On our date, she shocked me by saying that if we had children they would be seven-foot monsters. I had no words back and went silent. I know she said it looking for a we’re-in-the-same-club laugh, but it hurt. In fact, I felt so deflated that continuing with the date was useless.

I turned around and drove her home in silence, went around and opened her car door, and said, “Goodbye.” She grabbed the door to close it again, and said, “I was just joking.”

I said, “Poor choice of joke,” and that was it. She got out and left. What should I have done — taken that insult as a joke? It was not funny to me.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This is information for “Chevy Man,” the guy who wanted the photographs from his wedding to a former wife.

His former bride could have the wedding photos from their wedding album scanned into digital files and put onto a USB stick to give them to him, or upload them to a cloud-storage service for download. That way she keeps all the old albums for herself. I’ve scanned thousands of photos for friends and family. Photo shops may provide this service, and her ex could pay the cost.

— Problem Solver, Manitoba

Dear Problem Solver: Thanks for sharing your solution. I doubt this turned-off ex with the old wedding photos will pay the cost of creating the digital files, but the woman will hopefully go along with lending him the original wedding album to scan.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Christmas is approaching again and this time I’m demanding my diamond engagement ring. I moved to Canada to be with my man, and when we moved in together, he promised me a ring for Christmas — and then it didn’t happen. I got a cheap coat instead.

Now, he has promised me an expensive trip home to visit my family overseas during the holidays instead of an engagement ring to get me off his back.

Sometimes I think I just want to go home to my family and stay there. I’m feeling so hurt and frustrated. Last night I asked him how he would feel if we both bought each other engagement rings — and he laughed in my face saying, “What’s the rush?”

— At Wits’ End, Garden City

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is really fed up. She says this fall she needs me to finally break down and buy a special light for my seasonal affective disorder. Winter is coming, and I’m already feeling the bad vibes and getting depressed from the lack of sunshine and warmth.

Already, I’m starting to get cranky and sad, and I keep turning on all the house lights. But I think a SAD light would be the coward’s way out — just giving in to it. I’d feel like an idiot sitting with my SAD light every day. Why can’t we just turn on all our lights like normal people?

— SAD Guy, St. Norbert

Dear SAD Guy: Facing up to our limitations and compensating for them is the smartest thing we humans can do. Plus, it’s really beneficial for the health of our love relationships when we openly agree to work through our issues.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love to see Halloween trick-or-treaters in their costumes. I also dress up every year to greet the kids who come to my door. I’m a 34-year-old woman with no kids of my own.

Our whole yard is lit up in orange lights and my husband and I had a great time hanging ghosts and goblins from the tree branches two weeks ago.

However, our neighbour hates it. Last year we bought a scary sound show to go with the yard decorations and he went nuts. He came running out last week when I tried out my spooky soundtrack. He yelled that it sounded like a “pagan circus” at our place.

Today he growled at me there would be “stupid kids” running across his yard again and said he was going to call the police on us this year.