Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I are in love, living together — a deeply committed couple who’d like to go travelling. She wants to quickly get married before we do that, “because of less trouble crossing borders.” I think that’s NOT a very romantic reason for getting married!

Now she’s upset and questioning why she’s even “just living” with me! I don’t know what to say. I just don’t want to get married unromantically, for travel’s sake. It’s a feeling deep in my gut. What do you think? — Romantic Canadian Guy, Winnipeg

Dear Romantic Canuck: There are cracks growing in your relationship right now as expressed by your girlfriend, who’s questioning why you’re “just living together.”

Could you do some Canadian exploration together for now, and test out how you travel longer-term as a couple — and then decide on marriage, before you consider leaving the safety of this modern country?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I received an angry, old-fashioned breakup letter from my boyfriend today with “What I should have sent you” printed on the envelope. It was a nasty followup to a kinder text message he sent me the day before with some of his regrets about the two of us and about himself.

This one listed all my faults — social, political, personal and sexual. I guess he had taken time to really dig around in his strange little mind. He’s definitely not short on cutting remarks.

I don’t know which of the two makes me madder. Should I respond to either?

— Shaking My Head, downtown Winnipeg

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The wife I separated from — the lifelong actor — came back to me recently, saying she was a changed woman. She was looking for a reconciliation. She said she had changed for me. I was lonely and sex-starved, and I bit.

This woman is good onstage in theatre productions, but the character she’s played in our marriage is non-stop manipulator. But I was lonely, and God knows she provides sexual entertainment.

However, in just a few months, this so-called changed woman was just another role she was playing. I finally told her I wanted to get a divorce for real and look for a genuine person next time around. She laughed and said, “After me, you’ll be bored stiff.” To which I said, “Nope, I’ll finally be relieved.”

In university we were both involved in theatre, and going to bed with her was like having a series of different women in my life. But who did I really have in my arms when the lights went out? Who knows who she really was. I can promise you this — only her therapist knows for sure.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have the most wonderful thoughts as I’m going to sleep (lying next to my useless mate) and then I can’t get them out of my head, even the next day. Let’s just say my dreams are pretty adult and they don’t feature my husband.

I can’t begin to describe how hard it is for me to think about these sexual things while being married to a guy who doesn’t take care of himself personally, not to mention the house or even his car (and I thought men cared about their cars).

I long for the physical touch of someone else — anyone. I hate how much it fills my mind, and I get ashamed of my feelings sometimes. We have three teenage boys and the thought of breaking up the family and destroying their world almost gives me a panic attack.

We live in a house in a very nice area, and if I left their father just over sex I would never forgive myself. I just can’t stop the thoughts from creeping into my mind all day, every day, and then at night when my eyes are shut, I can see them in Technicolor.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My marriage to a controlling older man didn’t last a year. I was young — in my 20s — when I got divorced. It was a bad mistake. I married him partly to get away from my wealthy, know-it-all parents.

But after the divorce, I was scared to date another man. I dropped out of the whole scene. But recently — to celebrate my birthday — my girlfriends took me to dinner and the bar. That night I met a great guy about my age and we danced all night long.

His eyes and crazy sense of humour were oddly familiar. We didn’t trade last names until the end of the night — and then it was a shock. One of my friends had the same last name — it turns out he was the cousin of one of my girlfriends out for my birthday. It was a just big setup.

She confessed she pulled the stunt as a present. It could have been a bad thing, but it wasn’t. I really liked him. But now I have a timing problem. I still lack trust in men, but I think I recognize a winner in this woman’s cousin and I am so interested in seeing him again.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a beautiful two-mermaid tattoo on my back that I’m not ashamed of, but I’m not keen on showing it to someone new I’m having sex with because they inevitably want to know the origins of it. It was the result of a relationship I had with a woman five years ago that very sadly ended.

I’m a lesbian, and right now I finally have a great new woman interested in me. The time has come to get really close with someone again, but I’m so tired of women asking about my tattoo. I usually try to gracefully explain it before we take our clothes off. Is that a mistake?

This problem is causing me to put the brakes on new romantic interests. This is where I am for a new job I love, but I’m still lonely. Please help me.

— Mermaid Problem, West End

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We are first-time homeowners who just moved into our new place in a neighbourhood full of young families with kids.

But my wife is getting ahead of herself. She’s already giving me a hard time over my wanting to cancel Halloween at our new house and just go see our old neighbourhood friends for the big party at our favourite bar.

My wife wants to stay home in the new house to greet the new neighbourhood parents and children and put on a big show in a witch’s costume with a cauldron in the yard. But we don’t know anybody here yet.

I just want to shut off our lights and get dressed up in my Superman costume and go off with my wife to our old bar with their fantastic annual party. Who’s right here?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-wife has come back to Winnipeg and wants a third chance. She’s a physically attractive woman, but an alcoholic. Her family supporters claim she has been sober for six months now since going to this new place where she went to clean up.

I don’t want her back here trying to cosy up to me and then move back into my house — the one she once decorated. I’m through with her for good. The difference this time, is I don’t love her anymore — not one bit.

I’ll never trust her again to stay sober for any length of time. Her pattern is to clean up, use her beauty and charm to win people back (like stupid me) and slowly slip back into the pitchers of cocktails and daily binges again.

While I did love her a lot when she was sober, the last of that love has slipped away. So, why am I writing you? Because she is wily like a fox, this city can be a small town and I’m so lonely. How do I keep her away? I don’t trust her, or myself.