It’s time you shook up weekly sex schedule

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is a big talker when it comes to sex, but he only wants it once a week and then he’s so ready to perform you would think he invented it.

Then it’s no action until the next Saturday night, which is the only night he feels rested enough to make love, or even let me be the one to “perform.”

We do it on Saturday because our teenagers go out and we have the house to ourselves most of the time. But everything is just so calculated. He brings home snacks and fancy beers — and the party’s on, in his mind.

I don’t want to leave him. I just want him to do something different sometimes.

— Bored Stiff, North Kildonan

Dear Bored Stiff: Why are you waiting for this poor man to entertain you once a week? Do you ever surprise him? It doesn’t sound like it.

So, tell him you want to entertain next Saturday. All he has to do is show up at a certain time. Then teach him how to have a Saturday night that’s more your style. It could be at home or you could rent a hotel room and have him meet you there for dinner, a swim in the pool and then surprise him with a room upstairs, with romantic music queued up and the lights down low.

It could be freeing to not have kids under the same roof, and a lot of fun for both of you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t know much about my birth family because I was adopted. But this spring, I realized I really need to know, as I spend so much time wondering about my mysterious origins.

I’m 22, permanently tanned with black hair and tall.

I always told myself I didn’t care about the details of my heritage because my adoptive parents were so good to me, and they would have been sad if I went looking for my “real” parents.

But now I want to know about them, no matter what I find out. My guess is my biological parents would have been younger — maybe teenagers — when they got pregnant with me, but I could be wrong.

Lately, I’ve been watching TV shows about finding relatives through DNA testing. I’m old enough and determined enough to do that, but should I tell my adoptive parents first? They might already know who my real parents are and have just hidden it for years. They seem to have a lot of secrets in their family. Please help me.

— Adopted Guy, St. Vital

Dear Adopted Guy: Share with your adoptive parents the fact that you’ve become too curious to leave this issue alone now. Then let them think about it. It’s a possibility they know one or both of your biological parents (as in a private adoption) and finally tell you.

If that’s not the case, and you’re wondering which companies are best for DNA testing, do some comparison shopping online. Look for lots of good customer feedback on companies you may consider connecting with. Good luck.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend has been working out with weights this spring. She finally has an amazing bod and everybody comments.

She now has a purple-and-neon-green string bathing suit to show off her new body. I just stared when she modelled it for me — it’s a couple of strips, held together somehow.

OK, this is what I hate: her girlfriends she hangs out with at the lake are big drinkers and love to party.

They’ve gone to the beach this weekend and I know how it goes there. They love to play beach volleyball, and guys hang around to watch and cheer them on. At night, the girls pour shooters and dance in the cabin or on the dock. I don’t know if guys are invited — nobody tells me.

Do I sound jealous? I guess I am. I’ve never been invited to join my girlfriend and her party, of course. She just kisses me goodbye and tells me to go out and not sulk at home.

I don’t have close friends like my girlfriend does and feel like kind of a loser compared to her. Help.

— Home Alone Again, Windsor Park

Dear Home Alone: This would be a good weekend to call some guy friends and go watch some car racing or horses, or even play in a poker tournament— anything with a thrilling aspect to it. Then you can stop thinking about what your girlfriend is doing. You also need activity and real excitement of your own, so you can swap tales with her when she gets back.

Here’s an experiment: no guilting each other this time, just sharing the fun times you had and feeling equal. That will make you a more interesting partner and level the playing field for the two of you as a couple.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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