Wife’s witchy wonderment won’t spell trouble

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife believes in magic potions, which used to make me laugh. But since Halloween season started this year, she’s been acting in a way that frightens me. She seems to think she’s a modern-day “witch.” Give me a break!

Now she has three friends who think they are really casting spells when they get together! And this year on Halloween night she’s being formally accepted into their little witchy group meeting at one of their homes, and is getting a new sorceress name. It’s creepy! How do I cope? I’ve had enough of this.

— Seriously Upset, South St. Vital

Dear Upset: Don’t buy into the hocus pocus by being afraid of it and expressing any trepidation to your wife. She needs you to be strong, so she knows she has a solid anchor and can drop out of this witchy group if it becomes too scary or silly for her.

It may become far less intriguing to group members once the Halloween excitement has passed — or it may not. Even if she continues on and the group remains active, there’s really nothing to overly worry about. Do a bit of online research by checking out credible websites and sources to learn more about what modern-day “witches” tend to believe and take part in.

However, if your wife’s general behaviour changes radically and the group seems to have more of a cult-like quality, then it’s time for a serious talk.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new boyfriend — an up-and-coming actor — says he’s coming over here late on Halloween night. He ‘s going to park in the back and that I’m not to leave the backyard light on for neighbours to see him, nor to leave anything outside that he can trip on.

Aha! I’m no dummy. To me, that means he’ll be in a dress and high heels! He’s been hinting about a cross-dressing interest for weeks.

“How should I dress up to greet you?” I asked him. He said, “Top hat and tails would suit!” and then hung up quickly.

So what does that mean? Then he called back to say good-night and added, “Do not pull out a camera! This is a private experiment between you and me, and I have to know I can trust you.” Really? So what do you think is really going on here?

— Worried Fair Damsel, West End

Dear Damsel: It sounds like your new guy is hinting, and really hoping, you will done up in formal male attire which would complement his female getup. Is this OK with you?

If not, tell him so sensitively but quickly at his visit. If you actually want to go along with it, do your best with hair tied back in a black bow, sporting a fake moustache. You should be able to find something appropriate at costume stores and second-hand shops. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my new wife who loves herself so much she looks in the mirror six or seven times a day. On the weekends, when I’m home, I’ve started yelling out, “No change in your face since the last time!” when she looks in the mirror.

I’ve never lived with vanity like hers! Granted, because she lived with her parents until our marriage, I rarely saw the time she put in making herself look sexy and perfect to go out with me.

Now she’s graduated university with a business degree and is suddenly working at Daddy’s company in the executive office. Don’t get me wrong — she’s a very intelligent woman.

So how should a regular guy like me handle this? I was the first of my family to get education past high school. I fell for this woman because she was classy and polite, not rude and crude like some people in my family.

I really do love her and never want to lose her, but it’s getting more difficult at home.

— Loving My Wife, Valley Gardens

Dear Loving: Your young wife doesn’t look in the mirror repeatedly out of vanity. Confident people don’t need to do that. She does it because of insecurity, caused by real or suspected criticism.

Keep handling yourself in the accepting way you did when you won her over. Don’t make the mistake of becoming defensive, as you learn to live with each other as a couple. She chose you on purpose, wanting more of the type of man you are. So try to relax and enjoy that fact! If she wanted a copy of Daddy, she could have easily gone that route — but she didn’t.

Her nervous relationship to the mirror tells you she felt self-conscious growing up at home. You don’t have that problem, and no doubt she loves that. You growing up where life was more relaxed is part of what helped this woman come to trust and love you.

As for the job with her father at his company, talk with her about that. It doesn’t have to be a forever. She may want to get some early experience there, and then, with your support, spread her wings and fly on her own with a little business of her own. If that happens, and she does it at least partly with her own money and yours, she could be a lot happier and be able to blossom naturally — and then really relax.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.