Options exist to ‘blind’ intrusive pool-peepers

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We finally installed a backyard pool, and it’s now up and running this year and it is such bliss. Unfortunately, it has also given rise to serious spying problems.

We already have a high fence, but we’ve discovered there are busybody voyeurs still getting a view of our pool activity. Constantly feeling like you’re being gawked at has severely impeded enjoying our new pool to the max.

This morning in our mailbox, we received an anonymous note from some idiot who informed us that we need to wear bathing suits when using our own pool and to keep our “romantic actions appropriate.”

Our fence is plenty high, so what is she talking about? Is she up in a high-rise watching us with binoculars? And yes, we do have sex in the pool — but it’s our pool.

I’m not just going to ignore this. How can we identify this spy and confront them?

— Angry Pool Owners, Winnipeg

Dear Angry Owners: Hold up. You don’t have to go after these busybodies personally — options exist to calmly thwart their covert surveillance.

In fact, try an online search for “pool privacy screens” or “pool area privacy ideas” and you’ll find many do-it-yourself or other options that may appeal to you.

The screens may not perfectly shield swimmers from spies using overhead drones, but they will protect against lower-budget peepers such as the ones intruding on your privacy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife recently gave birth to a boy — the best-looking baby in town.

However, he’s far from the best sleeper right now and has strong lungs. When he’s restless, I take him out for walks in our cul-de-sac whenever I can, so my wife can get some shut-eye. She is so exhausted.

Our handsome boy attracts lots of attention from neighbours and people out walking. The other evening, my wife spotted me taking a break while out with our son — I was laughing with several female neighbours.

My wife has been feeling quite self-conscious about her postpartum body lately. It was her insecurity or irrational fears that sparked jealousy over my innocent sidewalk interaction.

How do we fix this? Now my wife doesn’t want me going out walking with our baby anymore. That’s just plain stupid.

— Dad in Deep Doo-Doo, St. Vital

Dear Dad in Doo-Doo: Try heading off in a different direction when you’re next out walking with your little guy.

Also, when being approached by “fawners,” it’s probably best to avoid stopping to chat and laugh with anyone your wife might think you’d be attracted to.

Pretty soon, your wife will be feeling better again about her body, which you know had to endure quite a lot while bringing your son into this world.

Aside from the father-son strolls, why not make it a habit to do sweet or helpful little things for your wife. You could pick up a small bouquet of flowers on your way home — or even just snip and arrange a few from your own yard if that’s an option. A splash of floral colour is always a mood-lifter.

Then, just be thankful you yourself will never have to go through an arduous and sometimes disfiguring pregnancy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We are newlyweds renting a cheap little house on a farm a mile away from a grain farmer and his old farmhouse.

I’m busy now writing my thesis, and my wife is doing plant research for her own, mainly outdoors at a nearby beach on a lake.

I’m a born-and-bred city guy, but to my surprise, I really like living out here. Plus, my wife’s family is nearby in a town just a short drive away. I would love to move here for a year or so and finish my thesis.

Last night my wife and I slept again in our backyard in a tent. It was heavenly.

I let her know I’m wanting more and more to live like this permanently. She just narrowed her eyes and chuckled in response. She’s an ex-farm girl and says while rural summers are wonderful, being snowed in on a farm during the winter months can leave one miserable and lonely.

A few days later, after a solid couple of weeks out here, she informed me she felt “ecstatic” when she finally left the farm to attend meetings at her university in Winnipeg.

With the way our respective lifestyle priorities are diverging, maybe she should have married a “city-forever” man who despises rural life. But she went and chose me instead, and now I’ve fallen in love with the countryside and all it has to offer.

Frankly, I don’t concur in any way with her snotty attitude to rural life now. Who is right here?

— Country Convert, southern Manitoba

Dear Country Convert: Forget who is right. You might both end up happy if you can pull enough money together to buy a small cabin close to your in-laws’ hometown — with great insulation and reliable heating.

Thankfully, our province has an abundance of lakes of varying shapes and sizes.

If you can get a mutually acceptable plan rolling, you could then work into the scheme an arrangement for living between the city and country, and both keep the jobs that challenge and inspire you.

Couples who make this work say the best way to juggle a house and a cabin is to have no rules. You just go out to your country abode when you want, and also return to your city home when it feels right.

The bottom line is there should be no “toughing it out” in one place or the other. The idea is to just enjoy yourselves where you are — until you’re not feeling it anymore.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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