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You need reality check before splurging on cottage

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is trying to pressure me into buying a cabin he’s found at a lake he loves, and I’m worried this is going to end our marriage. We have a lot of debt because he wanted to get married and buy big-ticket items, like a house and a new car, which we did!

This cabin is only a “good deal” because it needs serious renovation even to be livable! I feel like we’re already drowning in debt, and yet he seems unfazed. We both make good money but we are definitely living above our means. I want to start a family, but not while being hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt! How do I get through to him?

— Struggling Hard, Transcona

Dear Struggling: You are right to put your foot on the brakes. You both need to see a financial expert but one who isn’t looking for you to invest in their favourite “money products.”

Talk to theatre staff about bad actor’s behaviour

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I like to go to the movie theatre during the day, totally alone. That way I can relax and focus on the movie. Ha! Not happening anymore. The last couple times a certain man has made his way across the theatre to sit two seats away from me! Then he strikes up a conversation over the empty seat before the movie is on.

I have tried to be pleasant and quietly respond to his questions. But, the last time I had to tell him, “Please! I want to watch the movie now!” He just kept talking.

I finally told him I was there to see the movie, not him. He called me a nasty name and moved to another row. I was so shocked by his behaviour I couldn’t enjoy the movie.

Now I feel uneasy going there by myself, but this is my special relax-and-recoup time. I live right near the theatre, and should not have to go across town to watch a movie! Why do certain men look at a woman like it’s their big chance to make a move, and then get upset when they’re turned down?

Don’t force yourself to follow daredevil dad

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My dad is a thrill-seeking adrenalin junky, and has been my whole life. However, the apple fell far from the tree, as I have no interest in extreme sports. I tend to puke (sorry to say, but it’s true).

Keeping exes close is down to more than generosity

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is a sweet and generous woman of 37, but the trouble is she has close ex-boyfriends she’s still friends with, and she even lends them money for stuff like car repairs. That drives me nuts. She says they always pay her back. Like that’s the point! Last night when I expressed my frustration about this, she called it petty jealousy.

Then she smiled and said her days of listening to men like me tell her what to do are long over. Ha! She’s Catholic and doesn’t even go to confession anymore, so I guess she thinks the priests are below her.

So, why do I keep hanging around this girl? Well, she’s far and away the most generous lover I’ve ever met — sometimes three times a night. You don’t meet women like her more than once in a lifetime.

How can I cope with the fact she gives too much of her self to past boyfriends and it makes me feel jealous.

Give partner’s sober, unexpected reunion a shot

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We arrived up at our cabin and were greeted by a man, who was already moving stuff into the rental cabin next door. The man said hello to me like he knew me, but I drew a blank. He was a totally bald man, athletic build and very tall. Then he spoke my first name and said, “Don’t you recognize me?”

I still didn’t. So, he said, like some kind of joke, “Then I’m not going to tell you.” I shrugged my shoulders and said, “So be it!” Then I went into our cabin. Two hours later my husband drove up and he said, “You’ll never guess who’s renting next door!” And I said, “Go ahead, tell me!”

He replied, “My old drinking buddy from way back in college. When he found out about this one beside us, he thought it’d be fun to come up with his wife and stay next door.” I must have looked sick.

He quickly added, “By the way, he quit drinking long ago, so no worries.” I’ve done nothing but worry since. My husband is finally sober now, and I want to keep him that way. Please help!

Marriage not the best place for your restless libido

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Our king-sized bed is a wasteland. I look across those expensive silk sheets and see my wife’s back and her beautiful long black hair. She sleeps naked — but no big deal, as she wants nothing to do with me anymore!

Why? Well apparently, I committed an unforgivable sin. I brought home another woman when my wife was out of town seeing her sick mother. When the old bat suddenly took a turn for the better, my wife unexpectedly flew home early to surprise me!

Unfortunately there was another woman in our big bed. Then, all hell broke out. My wife says she wants me out, and she’s going to take me for every cent I’ve got. And the other woman isn’t even taking my calls.

How can I get out of this problem? Deep down, I want my wife back. I love her, and she knows that! I just need a little harmless variety once in a while. Is there a way for me to get her back?

Don’t leave your love life languishing in limbo

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new girlfriend used to be an enthusiastic participant in our love life — jumping in her shower when she got home from university, and then racing over to my place on her bicycle. She’d already be excited, and bringing new ideas to the bedroom. Now she acts like she has to put on a show, but her heart isn’t in it.

From the outset she made me agree our relationship would be primarily sexual, and I stupidly agreed. I’m afraid to ask her what’s going on, because I fear the worst. She has a new female friend (we’re both bisexual women) at her summer job. This other woman’s stupid nickname comes up way too often for my comfort.

I feel like I’m losing my girlfriend bit-by-bit, and I’m terrified to bring things to a head. I despise myself for this, but lately I’m tip-toeing around her and buying her gifts. I’m becoming such a pathetic “pleaser.” Please help me know what to say to her now. She’s had quite a few casual relationships, and I think I’m no longer interesting enough for the likes of her.

— Slipping Away From Me, St. James

Call leering brother-in-law out with hubby in earshot

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is a good guy, but his single brother is a creep! He’s always staring at my long legs and at the bodies of other women in the family. I have asked my husband to take him to task for his behaviour but he doesn’t want to rock the boat, as he only has one brother.

What should I say to this guy? I don’t want it to become a personal vendetta. It’d be so much better if my husband would do something! What is wrong with my man?

— Creep Problem, St. Vital

Dear Problem: Your husband may be afraid of losing a brother forever, but is so sure of your love that he’s not afraid of losing you, even if he doesn’t act.

Don’t make big hairy deal of son’s bonehead move

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My son and his two buddies shaved their hair right off! My son had thick, black, beautiful, curly hair. Now he has none. It looks terrible. My eyes filled with tears when I first saw it. I couldn’t help it!

This morning he saw me staring at him, and quickly averted his eyes, saying, “I know, Mom. I hate it too! I’m growing it back.” Then he took out a dirty old baseball cap — and it fell down to his ears without any hair! Then I really cried. How do I handle this?

— Shocked Mama, St. Vital

Dear Shocked: Your son’s hair won’t grow back any faster if you berate him. Try to imagine the future and your son telling the story of shaving his head and what you kindly said to help him get past it — even though you were shocked. Then, play that role by saying in a quiet voice, “Luckily, it will grow back. It’s going to be OK, dear — it’s just hair.”