DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother-in-law had a wild-and-crazy youth and actually spent some time in jail. At the lake this fall she told me about some of her experiences, and what hard lessons she learned when she “went away” to do time in a correctional facility.

I have such admiration for her and what she went through, and also for how successful she is now. I’m a teacher, and I told her recently I’d love for her to share some of her experiences with my all-girls classroom.

To my dismay, she flatly refused! She isn’t talking to me much anymore. How can I fix this uncomfortable mistake?

— Crossed Line? Southern Manitoba

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When my Winnipeg girlfriend got tired of me in the spring I got a summer job out of the province and recovered in the arms of another woman. She and I were great pals and sex buddies, but not a forever love match.

My old girlfriend lost her summer love in September, so she took lonely old me back. It’s just all right this time, but really not what the relationship was before at its best. I still love her, but I don’t like her or trust her so much now. Deep down, I’m still angry.

And now, my sweet summer sex buddy has taken a job in Toronto and contacted me to see if I would be interested in joining her there for a week holiday from Christmas to New Year’s Day.

I’m really tempted. I love the huge fireworks shows on New Year’s Eve in major cities. Should I jump back in with her? We’re probably not permanent, but she gets a big kick out of me and it’s good for my ego.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in a long-term lesbian relationship, or so I thought. My wife came home from a business trip in Asia and was acting strange — kind of skittish if I tried to touch her.

I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn’t feel well from travelling and was going to sleep in the guest bedroom from now on. What?

She turned in early, but I could hear her voice immediately talking on her phone again for almost an hour.

I finally knocked on the door and she hung up the phone. I asked who she was talking to, and she said, “Oh all right, you might as well know sooner than later. I have another woman in my life who I met through work.” I was totally devastated.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m experiencing some fallout from Halloween. I’ve been separated from my wife for three months now and took my two daughters out for trick-or-treating last week.

Their mother said not to come by her place as the girls had already eaten lots of treats at home. That sounded fake to me.

Anyway, at the end of the night, the girls insisted on going to their mother’s house, and “tricking” her. So, I gave in and took them over in their costumes.

When we arrived, they yelled out, “Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat!” Then some big guy came to the door, and my girls yelled, “No! Get mommy for us!”

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I spotted an old lover at an annual Halloween bash, and he was in a full pirate costume. I recognized him right off the bat because the pirate thing is an act he’s been pulling off for years — and succeeding to the max with me, I must admit.

I was dressed as a sexy black cat to catch his eye. I waited for him to make his move. He likes to sneak up on me at parties and growl in my ear. It’s predictable, but still a turn-on.

His wife couldn’t make the party, as usual, so he came on his own in his van. It’s the way he travels best — a sneaky guy with a bedroom on wheels so he can make a quick getaway when he’s ready.

Why doesn’t this pirate leave his boring wife for someone like me, who could match his fire?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Christmas is approaching again and this time I’m demanding my diamond engagement ring. I moved to Canada to be with my man, and when we moved in together, he promised me a ring for Christmas — and then it didn’t happen. I got a cheap coat instead.

Now, he has promised me an expensive trip home to visit my family overseas during the holidays instead of an engagement ring to get me off his back.

Sometimes I think I just want to go home to my family and stay there. I’m feeling so hurt and frustrated. Last night I asked him how he would feel if we both bought each other engagement rings — and he laughed in my face saying, “What’s the rush?”

— At Wits’ End, Garden City

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love to see Halloween trick-or-treaters in their costumes. I also dress up every year to greet the kids who come to my door. I’m a 34-year-old woman with no kids of my own.

Our whole yard is lit up in orange lights and my husband and I had a great time hanging ghosts and goblins from the tree branches two weeks ago.

However, our neighbour hates it. Last year we bought a scary sound show to go with the yard decorations and he went nuts. He came running out last week when I tried out my spooky soundtrack. He yelled that it sounded like a “pagan circus” at our place.

Today he growled at me there would be “stupid kids” running across his yard again and said he was going to call the police on us this year.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: You may think I’m crazy, but I’m going to a Halloween party as a glamorous witch to run into this special guy and put my spell on him.

He’s co-hosting it with his housemate and it’s a big bash. You can’t get into this party unless you’re wearing a full-on costume. I don’t want to wear a complete Halloween mask, though, because I want him to recognize me and be attracted.

Can you give me any magical ideas?

— Need to Bewitch Him, West End

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Today, I accidentally stumbled on a couples costume package my crazy girlfriend bought for us for Halloween. It comes with props. She tells me she gets right into the Halloween spirit and the sexiest costumes she can find. I’ve seen some of them from earlier years in her closet. Whoa.

After giving out candy at the door, she says she likes to have wild sex with adult costumes on. I’ve decided I want this with her. I led a dull life before I met her and she says we have to learn to take chances in life. I agree.

It’s trying to figure out what she wants me to say and do when in costume that really gets me worried.

I’m not much of an actor. I’m a weightlifter and just look the part of a warrior or biker, or something tough. My new girlfriend is more of an actor and has some scenes for us to try this Halloween.