Many strong women around, if you look a bit harder

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My heart is locked in cement after my last breakup and I’m afraid I may never find that one special woman. I seem to attract the same kind of bossy babe over and over.

Ironically, these pushy women tend to be looking for a guy who will tell them what to do. But I’m not a guy who needs to be the boss. I do earn quite good money, but I tend to be a follower, not a leader, socially.

Why do people always think well-to-do guys must be tough bosses? Too many stupid movies and TV shows out there are teaching this crap.

How can I find a woman who is a leader herself and doesn’t need me to be a tough guy?

— Looking For a Strong Woman, River Heights

Dear Looking: Search for a kind, strong woman who owns her own business or capably runs the show where she’s employed. Or, keep your eyes open for a woman who capably runs things in a family business.

Sports are also great for finding strong women, often both physically and mentally, and you can meet them in a fun situation. You need to look for a woman who is formidable, fun and adventurous, as you’d seem to enjoy her good humour flowing most of the time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a super-fun guy. When I asked him out, he told me he was sorry, but he was already seeing somebody, so I gave him my card.

The next night I got a call from him. He said the woman he’s seeing is great person, but he’s not serious, and would I like to go out for a few drinks. Then he told me a place to meet him that’s way out in the boondocks.

“No way,” I said. “Maybe call me when you’re free as a bird, not when you’re hiding out at the edge of town where you won’t be seen by your girlfriend.”

He said something rude, and hung up in my ear. What happened?

— Shocked By Rudeness, Osborne Village

Dear Shocked: He told the truth in the beginning, but when you still offered him your card with contact details, he thought, “Hmm… She’s willing to play with me, even though I’m seeing somebody already.” So, he took a chance, called you up — and got shot down.

Next time you want to ask a guy out, ask him right off the top if he’s seeing someone steadily. If he says no, talk a little more, and get to know him in a friendly way. The trick is to go slowly and safely, and be polite with your questions. It’s an attractive tactic, as well as a smart one. You might continue to chat as friends, but not too often — just enough to be able to find out if and when he’s free again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have lost a lot of ladies’ attention by not being able to hold down a regular full-time job. I always thought that’s what kept me from being attractive, but then a woman friend who had been drinking a lot told me a secret: “You don’t smell very good and that’s keeping you from getting a job and a girlfriend.”

That really stung. I was so angry I told her she should get it all out in the open.

My critic said that deodorants can lose their power, and I was a victim of that. Then she went on to tell me I had reeking breath, and my teeth were yellow from smoking. That was more than I could take. I don’t even want to talk to her anymore.

On the other hand, should I call her up and tell her off? Maybe that would help me. She didn’t need to be so mean.

— Embarrassed and Hurting, Osborne Village

Dear Embarrassed and Hurting: Here’s the trick. Secretly use her suggestions for stopping the odours by trying a new kind of deodorant. A dentist could help whiten your teeth.

Also, you might go out and buy some new clothes that smell great — and won’t have any past smoke or body odour.

This will encourage you to start going out socially again. This time out, you could end up with a happy job, an active social life and a sweetheart in your life.

If you do bump into the critic again, you’ll have the choice to ignore her or to flaunt the new you. Chances are you might be so absorbed by a new sweetheart in your life by then, you won’t even bother — beyond flashing your whiter teeth.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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