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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We’re having a get-together with our kids for some daytime visiting on Christmas Eve this year — at my mother’s request.

You may be envisioning a doddering, doting older woman, but nope. Mildly cursing, cigar-smoking, poker-playing granny is more like it. She wants us there, mid-afternoon — “and bring your own beer,” she said.

I’m hoping the snow is sticky, so my wife and I can take the little kids outside beyond the thick cigarette smoke to build a snowman. Then we can go in to see Grandma, scarf down some treats, bundle our guys up and head home for a real dinner.

It’s a bit of a quick, rushed visit — my mom and I don’t agree on much, but we do love one another. And she doesn’t cook for me — it’s much safer that way.

Still, how can we get out of her place quickly but not hurt her feelings? She does have them. Please help.

— Nervous, West End

Dear Nervous: Tell your mom she doesn’t need to worry about making any lunch this year — and that it’s completely your treat. You can tell her to just put some coffee on. Take-out Christmas eats and happy music can help smooth out a possibly tense situation, so bring lots of both, and leave lots there when you go home.

Plus, you and the kids might consider building some extra snow sculptures in front of Grandma’s window. Then you’ll get some fresh air and Grandma gets something fun left behind to make her smile. (Maybe Frosty can be chomping a stogie.)

Make sure to take lots of photos and then toddle off. Over your shoulder, tell your mom you’ll call her for a Christmas hello and chat the next morning — and you’ll pass the phone around to the kids. Easy-peasy small visit and hopefully it will suit everybody.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m back in Winnipeg for a unique work project. My old girlfriend still lives here and she’s looking great. I’ve had spare time and she’s been up for a hot time this Christmas. I don’t have anybody in my life, so I’ve been letting her run amok all over me.

But then last night she told me she loves me. Whoops. I like things just the way they are — not serious and lots of fun.

I tried love once — vastly overrated, especially when I’m on the road so much. I guess I’ve been faking the attentive-boyfriend thing too much for her, but it’s really time for the truth.

How do I tell her I’m happy to just play again, but that’s it?

— Christmas Sex Buddy, Osborne Village

Dear Sex Buddy: Think hard about this. Romance should be tempered with a little forethought. It’s time to have a real talk about how much more you two want to put into this relationship. If she feels she’s getting too involved with a guy like you, she may need to move on, and soon.

Too many people get restless and dump their love/sex partners in the January darkness and then they wonder why it feels so cold, both day and night.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I came upon a list of gifts my live-in mate would love for Christmas, and it must have been a secret wish list because it says he would love for me to conceive a baby of his and have it almost a year from now.

I was delighted he would want me as the mother, but we’re way too young to have a kid and bring it up, and I’m not ready for a nine-month pregnancy in my third year of university.

Should I confess to him I saw the list and tell him I’m not ready for all this? Or should I just keep it quiet and treat it as his secret?

— Unsure, Fort Garry

Dear Unsure: It’s a wise young woman who can keep something like that to herself. You might want to carry the secret for a while, but then drop some hints that you saw the gift list and see if you two can get around to discussing it.

Be careful, though. Teasing your boyfriend or making any allusions about what you’ve learned could seriously hurt your relationship. You have to show you’re the kind of person who is sensitive to your partner and would always be thoughtful enough not to hurt or embarrass them.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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