Take pride in ongoing sobriety and don’t look back

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife left me on Christmas Eve 2024 and said she’d be back to check on me someday to see if I ever quit drinking.

Ha. I was ready to show that woman. I did quit, but she never came back to check in a whole year, even when I invited her. We simply got divorced.

The joke’s on her because I met a great woman who was also kicking the booze for good, and we are both graduates of the Alcoholics Anonymous program, or should I say “lifers,” because we’ll stay on the program together, forever.

Well, guess who phoned me a week ago to inquire about my drinking status? I could tell by my ex-wife’s loud voice that she had been drinking. I told her I’m in love with a new woman I met in the AA program and we’re keeping each other sober and are very happy about everything.

I just want to ask you why my wife thought she should phone me this Christmas to see if she could get me back when she was obviously drinking? It doesn’t make any sense.

— Scratching My Head, Wolseley

Dear Scratching: Your ex may be jealous now she knows your new mate has ended up with the most attractive form of you — the sober guy.

But why did she choose to call you when she was drunk herself? Who knows, really, but maybe she’ll figure out why, along with learning one can do regrettable things when one is too blasted to know better.

Bottom line: you two would never be a successful pair. There’s not enough trust there, so block phone calls from her now, especially while you rebuild your own life as a non-drinker with a non-drinking mate and new friends. Good luck in 2026.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new partner has invited me to make New Year’s resolutions with him — and then show each other our resolutions. No way. It doesn’t sit right with me.

We are both gay men, and the kind who don’t mess around with other people. I expect unquestioned trust and will give him the same back. He already knows that.

But he doesn’t own me. I am trustworthy, but I treasure some privacy. Why is he expecting to peer inside my brain and heart now?

— Totally Trustable, St. James

Dear Trustable: It’s true that trust is hard to get with some partners, especially those who have been hurt by cheating. Ask your partner if he’s unable to totally trust a new partner because of that.

Then talk about how your love relationship is different — if it is — and why you deserve mutual trust in this new relationship.

It may only take one long talk, but could be well worth it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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