Shifted child-care plan could benefit you both

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m looking at January 2026, desperate to find a new beginning. I recently separated from my wife and she’s taking primary care of our two kids. My wife finally came clean about her love relationship with a woman and they moved in together. She says they are living honestly and celebrating finally being together.

My wife obviously didn’t care that she was leaving me in emotional ruins — and her definition of living honestly leaves a lot to be desired after cheating on me for the last year or more.

Our two children don’t like living with my wife’s new choice of partner and are frankly embarrassed. They told me this week they really want to come home and live back with me in their old neighbourhood where they know people and loved their school. I will gladly take those kids, give them all the love and attention they are missing, and do right by them.

Unfortunately their mother says no way is that happening.

The kids tell me their mom’s female partner would love to get rid of them. I would be more than happy to go get them and their stuff to come live with me. I have a good job and can work part-time at home remotely, which would be a good situation for the children.

My wife says she will fight me if I go for the kids.

I miss the children terribly. I was always the cook and cleaner at home, drove the kids everywhere and put them to bed singing songs and playing my guitar.

The children say their mom’s girlfriend ignores them, is cold to them and only wants to be with their mother alone. I know preference is most often given to the mother as a caregiver, but my wife works away from home a lot and the kids don’t like her new partner. Please advise.

— Depressed Dad, Fort Richmond

Dear Depressed: If the children are really unhappy and want to get back with you as their primary caregiver, you may have a battle on your hands, but a chance at winning. Don’t give up hope. Your ex-wife may have taken the kids full time because she thought she ought to, but she might enjoy having more time alone with her new partner, and the kids’ feelings definitely count. It’s time to see a good lawyer with lots of experience in this particular type of custody situation.

Maybe you can work out a 50/50 child-care deal with your ex or even tilted more your way. It’s worth a try, especially since the kids are not happy living with their mom’s new partner.

Your ex might even go for a deal where you have them on weekdays and they can go back to their old school or you take them every weekend, freeing her up for bigger chunks of time with her new partner.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My New Year’s resolutions generally start with the word “more” (referring to healthy behaviours) instead of “no more” doing this or that, such as overeating, drinking or swearing.

Last year I vowed to tell people more often that I loved them and most people appreciated it, although some friends gave me a suspicious look and one person even said, “What do you want?” like I sounded desperate. Do you understand this response? Because I certainly don’t.

— Not Saying That Again, East Kildonan

Dear Not Saying: To save yourself from embarrassment, but to keep on being more loving vocally, keep on giving sincere compliments and saying “I love you” once in a while to those people who are close to you and enjoy hearing it. Otherwise save those special words until you get some indication from friends and family that they enjoy hearing them and exchanging them with you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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