Best to fess up about grandkid-sitting fatigue

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We love our grandchildren, but now we’re sick of them. The two sets of parents — our adult children — have been parking their kids out here on the farm with us while they take back-to-back road trips to see their friends. We’ve had enough.

Grandma and I want them to come back and get the “brats” (just joking, they’re nice kids) so we can relax.

You have to be so careful with city kids around the farm who don’t know when they’re going to make a mistake and get hoofed by an animal or run over by a farm implement.

How do we tell our kids the party is over early, and they really need to come back before grandma and I give out?

— Not Joking, rural Manitoba

Dear Not Joking: Get the two couples on the phone, and tell them you really love your wonderful grandkids, but your older bodies are tiring and ask if could they come back a bit early. They may have been imagining everything was going great. Perhaps they’ve even been thinking you two would be delighted to keep the little darlings forever if you could.

The thing is, the parents might also be missing their kids a lot by now, and wishing they could pick them up early, but didn’t want to disappoint you by suggesting it. It’s time for everybody to tell the truth and straighten things out before the kids get homesick on top of everything else going on.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t want to go back to work. I took August off and I love it so much being free. My work is hard and I feel so much better at home relaxing.

I’m also feeling more sexual again. When I’m all wound up with work, I don’t feel relaxed enough to really let go. I’m a passable lover then, but I know it’s nothing like when we were rested relaxed on our honeymoon last year and I was in fine form to please my wife.

She says she totally understands and she’s not going anywhere. I don’t know if I should believe that.

I just want to do better by her, and things are improving the more free days I have. What do you suggest for when we get back to the city? I don’t want to be her lousy lover again.

— Energized, North Kildonan

Dear Energized: You haven’t lost interest in your wife. You’re just tired from work, and she knows that. So identify where and when you feel most rested, rather than trying to be a hot lover when you’re dead tired and stressed.

Some couples accept the fact work weeknights are so tiring, they agree to mostly save their lovemaking for the weekends — and really enjoy it then.

You don’t mention any children yet, so you could really have fun around the house and dress (or undress) for success.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have fallen in love with cottage life this summer and have a chance to buy a year-round home at the lake. It’s small, but I can afford it, and I work from home anyway.

My city-loving relatives are having fits. I never should have discussed it with them until it was a done deal. I’m not going to bow to their wishes. I have made real friends out here with some permanent residents, and know I will fit in really well.

I do love my family, so how can I get their approval?

— Taking the Leap, Whiteshell

Dear Taking the Leap: Oddly enough, you can get it by smiling at their disapproval, and saying things such as, “How about I write you a letter a week from lake country?” or “I’ll phone you three times a day to let you know I’m surviving. You’ll be so sick of me.”

They may be picturing you slowly dying of loneliness, with you being too proud to admit it. But you can make sure that image changes by inviting them out a lot this fall and winter, and taking them around to visit your new friends. You’ll get to know the area and all it has to offer in the long Manitoba off-season at the beach.

You can convince your friends and family in the city that it was the right decision by over-joining everything that’s going on in your beach town and getting really involved this first fall-to spring — crafting, and in sports like curling, volleyball, exercise classes. You might also find a place of worship that’s enjoyable active in the community. Also, lots of people go to bingo in country towns, to socialize and have fun.

It’s all about connecting with new people. You’ll probably end up with more friends than you had in the city — especially if you invite them back to your place for dinners and game nights. You can do this — and your family will see that you can and finally stop worrying.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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