‘Catch and confront’ risks too many snags

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I hate camping, but my boyfriend is a born fisherman, and he loves it. I have always stayed home while he goes off with “the guys” to fish. Imagine my shock when I found out that these are no longer “guys-only” weekends. Some of them are bringing women up there, and not their mates.

My boyfriend never updated me on that, you can bet. I heard it from someone who has the inside track.

Now I strongly suspect my man is not being true to me anymore. Our sex life has diminished to almost nothing this summer. Should I drive up, catch him and confront him?

— Riled By Lies, Westwood

Dear Riled: Don’t drive up to the lake building up steam for a confrontation with your boyfriend in front of a group of people who know him and like him.

“Catch and confront” can be scary business at any time, and it’s twice as dangerous when you humiliate someone in front of other people.

You definitely need a different man in your life who is strong enough to work things out honestly with a girlfriend — instead of sneaking off.

It’s enough to phone him. Let him know you have figured out what’s going on, and tell him to pick up any belongings at an appointed time and place. Suggest your front step, so he hustles it up and gets his stuff before somebody else does.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Help! My time is running out! All summer I come out to the beach as soon as I’m off work, with my bikini under my clothes. I strip down to it, lie down to tan for 15 minutes and run into the water where I cool off from the day at work.

Almost every day this gorgeous guy arrives and does almost the same thing as I do. I watch him from my spot out in the cool water as he walks past the kiosks onto the beach. He’s usually wearing shorts and a muscle shirt. He throws down his towel at the water’s edge, takes off his shorts and then runs and dives into the water in his black bikini. Be still, my heart!

He never looks my way — but to be fair, I’m really just a little above the water, peeking at him like an alligator! I’m so attracted to this guy, although I don’t even know what his personality is like.

He stays for about half an hour, swimming and cooling off, and then he gets ready to leave the beach. I watch him as he picks up his towel and clothes, and goes back to the parking lot.

Help me! I only have a couple more weeks working here. How do I make real person-to-person contact with this guy?

— Time’s Running Out, Grand Beach

Dear Time’s Running Out: Luckily, you and this fellow are both creatures of habit. So, leave your beach towel at the edge of the water near his regular spot. When you’re in the water and see him arrive, spend a few more minutes in the water, and then exit and sit on your beach towel — close enough to talk to this guy when he comes out.

Then say, “Hello! I see you here every day just like me. Do you work here, too?” If he’s a talker, then you’re in luck. But if he’s shy or has nothing to say to you, at least you finally tried!

It may take time for him to register you’d really like to get to know him. So, give it one more try, the next day. If he doesn’t respond, then just let him go. Not every crush works out once you get to know the person you’ve been angling for.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography