Handy buddy’s love-shack request crosses line

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve been going up to my cottage to do some renovations and repairs with friends who also have skills. I love to get away from the city. But now my favourite buddy (with the best carpentry skills) has a new girlfriend in his life.

He’s still married to his wife and has two young kids. He says he still loves the mother of his children, but more as a friend.

I didn’t say much, as I don’t want to get in the middle, and I actually like his wife. Also, he’s not the easiest guy to get along with, truth be told.

Now he has asked me if he can use my cabin on a weekday or two when we’re not going to be there building. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with that and he stopped, mid-hammering. He said he thought we were better friends than that and had figured I would understand.

Before he took off, he said, “I hope I can count on your silence. We’ve been friends a long time.” I just grunted something back.

Then he looked at me hard for a minute, went out to his truck, slammed the door and took off. Is that the end of our friendship?

— Sad Old Friend, southern Manitoba

Dear Sad Friend: To remain in a friendship where you’re asked to be included in cheating and keeping secrets can make you feel like a secondary louse.

Call this friend and say what you’re thinking out loud — that lending him a hideout for his affair was too much to ask. You simply can’t promote his affair by providing a hiding place at your cabin.

You will almost certainly lose him as a friend, but it’s already grown too uncomfortable. It’s wise to bring more than just one friend or relative to help build, as secrets have a tendency to come out when there are just two people working together over a long period, and thinking their private thoughts.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What can you do when you realize you made a mistake and you gave your heart to the wrong person?

I was crazy about my new guy. My sisters call him the “hot babe” of his family. But then a few weeks ago, his older cousin suddenly moved back home to Manitoba for the summer. Wow! He is everything and more, all wrapped up in one package.

The trouble is, he’s not looking at me, except to call me “Little Sweetie.” I think he’s amazing.

— Now What? Interlake

Dear Now What: Whoa, girl! You don’t win any admiration by playing games with the hearts of related guys. If you don’t want to be with your boyfriend now, you can’t just hang around the family, secretly wishing his cousin would take over.

Be smart and make sure your next summer crush is completely outside this family group.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Now that I’ve broken up with my boyfriend, I rented a cute cabin at my favourite lake.

I’m a fun and sporty person and everybody I know wants to come up and visit me for a few days.

Can I charge them rent and not come off as a penny-pincher?

— New At This, Whiteshell

Dear New At This: Charging pals rent may not be cool, but you can certainly ask close friends and relatives to bring up food and drinks they purchase.

Hosting tip: if you’re changing guests every few days, take lots of extra sheets and towels to the cabin, then you won’t be running to the local laundry all the time when you really want to be on the beach with everybody.

You can buy inexpensive laundered ones at thrift stores, and it definitely doesn’t matter about clashing-coloured sheets and towels at the lake. Just have fun.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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