Doesn’t have to be double trouble for hubby

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have the best husband for a first-time pregnant wife. He waits on me hand and foot, and treats me like a delicate princess, which I’m not, at this weight.

What my poor man doesn’t know yet is that I just found out our baby has a womb-mate. We’re expecting twins and he’ll be so shocked. The other shakeup to his system will be that I don’t want to go back to work for the first year after these two arrive. Between the two of us, we make good money and I’ve been saving like crazy, so it’s really not necessary, to my mind. But he really likes our current lifestyle. How should I break the news?

— Pregnant With Twins, East Fort Garry

Dear Pregnant: Maybe hold off on your work decision until after their births and see how things go when you’re at home with the little ones. Some moms with twins thrive with the extra help from their partner, while many — especially first-time mothers — may need more backup during that first year, such as a live-in nanny to help with housework and child care.

You two are lucky enough to make good money now, so consider outlaying some of it to get the extra help you may need to keep those babies and your marriage strong and thriving.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is a fantastic musician, but we have half-grown kids at home. I know she really wants to get back to playing with her group. She’s just asked me if I’d be willing to commit to solo child-minding if she ends up rehearsing on weekend nights again.

My mouth hung open. I really don’t want her to. I love her a lot, but I don’t handle the children as well as she does. It just wouldn’t be good for them.

Plus, I can kiss all my weekend free time goodbye, and I do enjoy getting out.

I’m a musician as well, but I only play occasionally, now that I have a daytime job earning me good money.

In truth, I must admit I would be jealous if my wife started playing gigs on weekend party nights again. What should I tell her?

— Selfish Husband, Wolseley

Dear Selfish Husband: Take a big breath and tell your wife the plain truth.

In the end that flies better than soft-pedalling it because people can usually guess by the expression on your face that you’re consciously spinning a lie.

Both of you are musicians, so you both understand the need for getting out and performing. Try to spell each other off regularly and perhaps you can both play part-time gigs once things settle down more.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A guy I used to fight with in high school — and I mean fist fights — has started working in the same office as me. We’re older now (in our 30s) but I’m sure he still remembers.

Should we dance around that fact or talk about it? Should I bring it up? Or would it be better to wait until it comes out of his mouth?

— Unsure of Next Move, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Unsure: Wait him out. Say hello casually and comment that “it’s been a long time,” so he knows you remember him and there doesn’t need to be any unnecessary discussion of the old days.

Treat him the way you want to be treated, and let the past go, unless he wants to bring it up. Then let him know you’re not carrying a grudge, and tell him you hope he isn’t, either. Good luck with this.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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