With boyfriend and cottage, get it all in the open

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend, who is eight years older, has invited me to spend a two-week holiday in July at his beautiful cabin — an inheritance from his grandparents. I still live at home, and my “new Canadian” parents, who are ridiculously old-fashioned, have said I can’t go.

I’ve started university, and I’m already 19 and an adult. Plus, I’m on birth control, so I won’t be at risk. My parents don’t know this detail of my love life, but I have been on the pill for almost a year at this point. Should I tell my mom, so she and my dad can loosen up? I really feel the sex thing is my own private business.

I love my guy and he loves me, so I’m joining him at the lake no matter what. If my parents disown me over this, my boyfriend says I can live with him. He wants me to do that already, but hasn’t pushed too hard because he respects my complicated situation. How can I handle my parent in this situation?

— So Upset, West End

Dear Upset: To your parents right now, “the cabin” may seem like a fantasy world where you two may be ignoring real-world responsibilities and the consequences of sex. Your parents might feel better about your boyfriend if he invites them to his cabin, treats them like royalty, and they feel more familiar and secure with him being with you.

It’s time to speak to your mom about birth control so she and your dad won’t be unnecessarily worried about you getting pregnant.

Your parents may also worry your boyfriend is not the marrying kind, and would just use you for a time and then drop you.

It’s time for a frank talk with your mother, who will edit the information, as moms do, and pass it on to your dad.

Also talk to your boyfriend about the possibility of your parents’ differing reactions to the situation. He likely doesn’t know first-hand how people of their generation from another culture feel about this situation.

He needs to know everything because that is part of the complicated reality of your romantic situation.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My older girlfriend is upset about our semi-secret relationship coming out.

She has two young children I really like a lot, and they think I’m great. The kids’ dad, who is already living with another woman, does not.

He is the big problem and says he doesn’t want “some young guy messing around” with his children.

My girlfriend’s kids overheard him saying that. They asked me about it, and specifically what “messing around” means.

I’m so angry now. I’m no pedophile and I’m not going to keep quiet just and take this.

I’m the oldest of a family of seven kids. I’m naturally right at home and familiar with a big family and kids of different ages.

Please help me. I really care about my woman and her children.

— Good Guy from Large Family, Norwood

Dear Good Guy: People can’t be allowed to harm a person’s reputation with lies and there are laws against it.

Since you’re understandably worried about the kids’ father besmirching your name, talk to a lawyer ASAP.

Your girlfriend’s ex also needs to be contacted and advised of this by the lawyer regarding what could happen legally if he doesn’t stop saying things like this.

The children also need to have things straightened out on this topic. Kids learn a lot lying in bed overhearing the adults — and it can be confusing and sometimes scary, especially if they only hear one side of a story.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography