Out of the black and into the new you

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just came out of a big black hole of depression.

My family kept saying, “All you need is a good job,” which made me feel so useless. I couldn’t seem to land one — I had no energy, couldn’t ace an interview and only fell deeper into the pit.

Then, a month ago, my doctor was replaced by a new one and I told her about my depressing job situation. She asked me a bunch of questions, and said, “Job or no job, you are clearly depressed and having trouble functioning.”

She got me on an anti-depressant that worked and I started to feel normal, hopeful and happy. A bit of time has passed now and I feel really good

Last week, I actually had an interview and got a great job. Having the actual depression diagnosis and medication was the best thing that ever happened to me.

My question is: Why did everybody before that — like my family members — blame my sad and hopeless feelings on not having a job? I was sad and depressed before I was unemployed.

— Out of the Hole, Osborne Village

Dear Out of the Hole: Families are not doctors, but they look for reasons to try to make sense of what’s going on with troubled people they love. They saw you sad and blue while looking for a job, and understandably blamed it on the repeatedly unsuccessful hunt. They didn’t understand you were actually depressed beforehand and needing proper medical intervention.

Be glad you finally were matched with a doctor who saw the root of your problem and got you back on track in your life. Forgive your family and explain to them in detail what has changed for you now, besides getting the new job.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In a store parking lot recently, I ran into a middle-aged guy with a recognizable swagger approaching me. I laughed out loud as he got closer.

He said, “Well, look what the cat dragged in.” We both laughed and talked for a few minutes. Then he slipped me his business card. He’s working in the city now. He was my first married lover. We only broke it off because he got transferred to the Maritimes — and we needed actual contact, not useless phone calls or FaceTime.

He hasn’t contacted me yet, and he didn’t promise to do so, but from the way he looked at me and talked to me I know the heat is still there. What can I do? Should I call him?

— Heaving a Sigh, St. James

Dear Heaving: It certainly can be tingly to run into an old love, but that doesn’t mean anything more needs to come of the chance reconnection.

A married guy who slips you his business card and isn’t asking for your current info is not looking to call you. He might hope you’ll call him though, just for a laugh or two.

You didn’t mention him asking if you have a boyfriend these days.

It seems he might enjoy the excitement of a call from an old secret lover, but it’s likely he’s trying to be true to his wife.

It’s time to let this old romance go, and if you want more heat, get on with your summer.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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