Ease off and accept fact daughter’s an adult now

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My daughter, who’s 19, and her boyfriend, 20, have rented a tiny cabin close to us (but not within hearing distance) to stay for a week in early July.

Her dad and I are not stupid. We know it’s because they intend to have sex at the beach. Frankly, I’m relieved, but how do we approach this touchy subject with them?

— Mom and Dad, Grand Beach

Dear Mom and Dad: Don’t approach it! Just relax, as your daughter and her sweetheart are acting like adults — because they are adults now and have a sex life together. It doesn’t warrant any probing or embarrassing discussions.

Treat them like any other adult couple and offer them the respect they deserve.

These young adults have taken care of finding themselves a little place of their own and aren’t imposing on you and dad. It’s cool and responsible they’re paying for their own cabin — and for their personal privacy.

There’s no need for any awkward sex talk here. If your daughter has any sex-related concerns, she may consult you for advice in the future. Just don’t push it on her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife’s mom came to stay with us for a couple weeks, and she was great with the kids. It’s odd, because I don’t remember hearing about her treating her daughter (my wife) so well. It appears she’s learned!

To be fair, during her childhood my wife’s mom was dealing with an alcoholic husband who wouldn’t let her work, because he earned big money and was supposedly the “provider.”But he passed away, and she’s got all the money now!

After she went home, our kids asked, “Why can’t Grandma live with us?” Good question! She does like entertaining them with her guitar, cooking nice dinners, baking treats and playing board games.

The only thing my wife and I do better is cleaning the place. My wife just said stiffly, “I won’t have anybody’s mother living here, and I won’t discuss it!” What do you think?

— Curious Husband, St. Vital

Dear Curious: Most wives don’t want another woman at the helm of the home “ship,” no matter how helpful they are with the kids. It’s like having a very important job and suddenly being told you have to share your authority with someone else.

So pushing this arrangement just screams danger, so don’t even go there. Just enjoy what grandma offers when she visits and shower her with some thoughtful gifts when she’s heading home.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My widowed older sister has a new “man friend” these days in our hometown. She recently announced she and her new love bought a cottage at the same lake as me and my husband.

Oh boy! This new guy has been part of rock band for a long time and he’ll want to invite his musician buddies out to the lake.

That’s just great if we wanted to party, but we really don’t. We just like to relax and enjoy our cottage. How do we handle this without coming off as prudes?

— Ticklish Situation, Whiteshell

Dear Ticklish Situation: Don’t accept invitations to party with the gang — but do be cordial by day and show this couple you care and are glad they want to be closer.

Too often people totally cut relatives off because they don’t approve of some facet of their lifestyle — and that can be a big mistake.

Don’t be a stick in the mud! Just say, “Thanks very much, you’re a fun crowd! But we get tired in the sun and just like to relax at night, but please join us for dinner soon.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography