Be honest about overwhelming work woes

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Sometimes I just want to run far, far away — and I’m a grown-up!

I want a totally new career, like the one I dreamed of before I “settled” for the one I have. I married my wife pretty suddenly after we found out we were expecting a child. Then we had another kid and a third. It was all sort of a whirlwind and now I’m feeling like I’ll soon be too old to even consider a major career change.

When I’m showering to go to work these day, my wife — after getting our kids off to school — heads out to help tend to a community garden. When I see her after work, she gets excited talking about the garden and all the great people there, and I feel completely left out of the fun.

I also feel I should be ashamed of complaining about my work. I have an expensive education and a medical-related career to be proud of, but honestly, I’m bored stiff and feel like I can’t dare to talk about it and risk rocking my wife’s world.

So, now what? If I were single, I’d just want to get on a plane and go to a struggling country on a mission to help out.

— Spinning My Wheels, Birds Hill

Dear Spinning: There’s nothing wrong with rocking your wife’s world with your truth. Why not follow your dream? It beats hiding your thoughts and feelings, and potentially risking getting into an affair where you could finally complain to someone — and that would completely jeopardize your family situation.

There are wide range of projects and missions in operating different countries that tap into Canadians’ talents and experience to help a struggling society with what they desperately need.

Some are attached to faith-based organizations, while others can be health-related, such as Operation Smile a non-profit that provides cleft lip and palate-repair surgery for children all over the world.

There are also options involve infrastructure or environmental work or initiatives to boost food security and drinking-water quality.

So do some research to see what options could be a good fit with your profession and work experience. That way, your well-paying job may enable you to support projects that mean a lot to you. Then you can take part in them periodically, or even get involved in a bigger way if you’re so inspired.

So stop suppressing your work malaise around your wife and have a heart-to-heart discussion.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Recently, I inadvertently ended up out at my favourite lake on a Sunday drive that started off as running a few errands in the city and then just led me out there somehow.

I found a cabin for rent, contacted the owner, checked it out and booked it on the spot for most of the summer. I knew my wife would not like the idea or even me acting without her permission. Too bad! Our marriage has gotten to the point where I don’t kowtow to “her highness” anymore.

Not surprisingly, she has declared she won’t go up there for more than a weekend or two, because she has a garden to tend and prize-winning flowers to coddle for horticultural competitions.

I’d love for her to spend more of the summer there with me, but I just don’t know how to get through to her. I’m just not very good at playing “chess” with her. Please help!

— Lake Lover vs. Flower Power, Winnipeg

Dear Lake Lover: Don’t approach this in a confrontational manner. Instead, just sweetly say, “Well, I’m looking forward to the lake and cabin, and you’re very welcome to come out whenever you’d like. I‘ll be inviting some other people to keep me company, but there’s always room in the master bedroom with me!”

See how she reacts to that flirty, cajoling response. It could stave off a fight over your different view on how to enjoy our short summer.

So, just leave the situation open and welcoming, and see if your lady gets curious and wants to come up for short visits.

If she doesn’t, then go visit her in the city on cloudy or rainy days. There’s no reason you have to clash or break up over your different tastes in activities for enjoying the warm season.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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