Don’t have to settle for first person you meet

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new lady friend is lively and full of herself, and a lot of fun to be around.

My recently deceased wife was quiet and sweet, and not interested much in socializing. It wasn’t a passionate marriage, but more a cheerful friendship. My new woman, on the other hand, likes a good argument, as it revs her up in every way.

Not all of my friends like her and that is a bit of a problem. To try to get rid of her, my drinking buddies are now clumsily trying to introduce me to different women.

In my age group, there are starting to be widows, more divorcees and also a few singles, but I’m not an enthusiastic dater. I’m a bit shy.

Who would have thought there would be a bunch of single women to meet later in life? What is your advice for me?

— Shy and Single Again, West Kildonan

Dear Shy and Single: Too many women? An embarrassment of riches — what a happy problem. But this first woman you mention sounds like trouble in the long run, and who needs that?

This is definitely not a good time to be lazy and hang onto the first person you encounter. Instead, decide what matters to you most and be willing to put in the effort to at least meet some other new women and get to know them.

You might be interested in broadening your scope, so do some research online into local activities-based singles groups and consider joining. You could also check out general groups for recreational or creative pursuits that interest you, or even explore opportunities to volunteer that can facilitate connections with passionate, like-minded people.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with my guy’s gorgeous brown eyes and dark curly hair, bequeathed to him by his Italian ancestors. I also love his sporty lifestyle, which gives him energy and a great body. The only problem is his love for drinking.

I come from a family plagued by alcoholism, but everybody stopped drinking years ago, so I never really saw it at home.

It was kind of fun at first trying all the fancy cocktails he can make, but when my boyfriend invited my family over for a winter barbecue at his place, they were impressed by the house and indoor pool, but not so keen on the overstocked bar in front of their faces.

My father said to me later on the phone, in a bit of a worried tone, “That guy has every kind of liquor there is.”

He’s a sweet and protective dad, and now I’m having second thoughts myself. Not a day goes by that my guy doesn’t have a few drinks after work and later a nightcap or two before bed. On the weekends, he drinks much more. I drink tea and coffee instead.

Is this a big problem in the making? He has a great personality, but I’m worried this is only the tip of the iceberg where his drinking is concerned.

— Worried Girlfriend, Silver Heights

Dear Worried: This is the time for sober second thought, so listen to your own wisdom starting to bubble up in your mind. You must be wary of the “like it or lump it” drinkers when you’re contemplating a match, and you may have a guy like this on your hands. Even if you don’t imbibe, this partner is still going to drink.

He’s proved this to you already, even drinking in front of your sober family. It was a stubborn announcement. This guy may be fun for a time, but not a good match for a lifetime and possibly starting a family.

He certainly wasn’t sensitive to your non-boozing folks coming over for dinner, when he knows perfectly well they aren’t into alcohol. It’s likely this man really needs to have his liquor himself every day, no matter what.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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