Cold-calling dad owes you an explanation

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I opened the door on my birthday and got a big shock. My dad was standing there grinning sheepishly and holding out a big wrapped gift. I invited him in, although it had been several years since I’d seen him. He hesitated on the steps but asked for just a few minutes with me inside.

Twenty minutes later his phone rang and it was his female friend outside wanting to come in from his truck. Who knew she was sitting out there? I didn’t. I said to invite her in, so she came to the door.

Imagine my surprise when I recognized her as the babysitter from when my parents used to take dance lessons together just before they got divorced. I told her I knew who she was and my dad’s face went red.

So now I have a big problem. Do I tell my mom? Does she already know? And what about this possibility: was my dad chasing our babysitter way back when? I’m scared to ask my mom, but who should I talk to?

— Uncomfortable Daughter, St. Norbert

Dear Uncomfortable: Phone your dad and ask him. He owes you an explanation, and the timeline if this babysitter was the reason he and your mother broke up.

On the other hand, if he just re-met this babysitter more recently, it may not be a big deal to anybody. Make sure to do the math as soon as he starts explaining. If your dad was cheating with your sitter, you need to be on your mom’s team. In such a case, although you may want to cut your dad off, you may be better off keeping in contact until you get answers to the questions you have.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When women my mother’s age got divorced and started dating a worse loser than their original mate, my mom use to mutter about an old movie, The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter. Then she and my dad would exchange looks.

Bad news. My fiancé and I recently broke up over his drinking and I have a desperate feeling that I’ll never find another decent guy.

Will that make me another “lonely hunter?” I shudder at the thought. Can you help me?

— Cold and Lonely, Transcona

Dear Cold: You can avoid being a desperate and lonely hunter with some help. See your family doctor and ask to see a psychologist who specializes in fixing problems that interfere with forming healthy romantic relationships. Then a more confident version of you can start to search for new love-partner possibilities.

You’ll be looking for people who are willing and able to form deep, loving and lasting relationships that actually grow with each year — rather than running down and finally wilting.

Try to reduce the power of the words your mother used to mutter by realizing the heart is not always a lonely hunter, but can be patient and wise one.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography