Verbal attacks can deeply scar youngsters

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband literally screamed at our young daughter repeatedly recently, and I felt my blood pressure skyrocket into stroke territory! She was playing in her room rather loudly, and his home office is next door. So, he went in there and literally screamed bloody murder at her, like a monster! He totally lost it on our little one, and terrified her. She sobbed and sobbed.

He used to be such a calm guy, but his workplace has been taking advantage of him lately, and his sleazy brother keeps trying to borrow money from him. But still, there is no excuse for this kind of abuse.

I was so upset that I grabbed my husband by the arm and physically yanked him out of the room as our daughter was crying uncontrollably. I told him if he ever did that again, I’d leave him on the spot and take her with me.

He just condescendingly told me to calm down. Now we’re sleeping in separate bedrooms. I’ve lost so much love and respect for him and I certainly do not want my child growing up subjected to this kind of behaviour. What should I do now?

— Fierce Mama, Grant Park

Dear Fierce Mama: It’s understandable to feel a loss of love and trust for someone when they treat your child like that — especially her own father. Hopefully your daughter feels somewhat protected by how you’ve reacted.

Now it’s your job to ensure your child will not have to suffer Daddy’s yelling in the future. Insist on counselling for you, your husband and your child, and talk to your husband about what’s stressing him out at work so much that it’s making him “lose it” on your child, as you stated. There needs to be serious change and atonement on his part, if there’s any hope of you deciding to stay with him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend has gone through my phone four times in the last two weeks, and we’ve only been seeing each other for about 10 weeks. Why? He recently mistook a playful conversation I had with a guy friend of mine, for flirting with him.

Now it feels like he’s going crazy. He seems to think anytime I talk to a guy, he needs to know what we were talking about. Really? It feels way too intense, and I’m seriously worried. What should I do?

— Too Invasive, Transcona

Dear Too Invasive: Follow your instincts. This is abnormally jealous behaviour your boyfriend is exhibiting. It can lead to further invasion of privacy and even physical abuse, so put your foot down now. Tell him you’re not going to let this go on and end the relationship.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m dating a woman who withdraws into her shell quicker than a scared turtle. It’s been a few months now, and while everything seemed great at first, she’s starting to show me she has no ability to communicate. She just stops talking to me — and I mean for several days at a time!

She recently mentioned her parents were fairly old when they had her, and are now in bad health. I asked if she did anything to help them, and she got upset for me “assuming she doesn’t care” about her parents. Then she stopped talking to me for three days.

Keep in mind, when things are good, we talk all day every day, and also message. I’m not exactly a young man, and I’d still like to start a family. Should I spend any more time with someone I don’t see a long-term future with?

— Always Something, St. James

Dear Always Something: This woman you’re dating does not seem like a winner. Since you note you’re not so young anymore and seriously want children, it makes sense to end relationships fairly quickly that you feel are going nowhere. If you linger too long, a great match for you might walk right by and you’ll miss them!

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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