Raising big stink over mate’s ink could jinx things

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When my wife and I were first dating, she had a few super-cool tattoos. She was a pretty high-level athlete, and the ink accented her arms. Well, over five years she’s kept on getting more and more tattoos. Recently she said she’ll be adding a “chest piece” — that goes way over the line for me!

I don’t want to have sex and see a bunch of ink drawings. I just want to see a beautiful naked woman’s chest when we’re being intimate. Instead, she’ll look more like she’s covered up, even when she’s naked.

We just had a big fight about it yesterday, and she insists she’s still going to get her chest all tattooed. I don’t want to give her an ultimatum, but if I’m no longer attracted to her after that, what am I supposed to do? Get some Viagra pills to get turned on enough to have sex with my wife?

— Not Happening! West End

Dear Not Happening: Your wife may think you’re just being difficult, and that this will pass. It’s time to speak up passionately about how you feel, because you love her. Good luck with that! The truth isn’t always welcome.

But if the two of you communicate more openly and honestly about her body art, you may even come to accept her ink more if you really get a sense of what it means to her.

Your wife may go on to get much more of her body tattooed, and she will love it. That may be enough for her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: To impress my new guy early on in our relationship, I went and bought us (with my own money) a bunch of tickets for plays, concerts, you-name-it — even sports I don’t particularly enjoy.

But now, months in, I’ve become aware he totally expects a free ride whenever we decide to take in a ticketed event, and I don’t feel good about it.

So, last night he mentioned a big entertainment event coming up — and he waited for me to once again offer to get us a pair of tickets. I let the silence hang in the air. In fact, I let it stay awkward, until we finally parted.

He hasn’t called me in a whole week now. Is it over?

— Not Sure If I Care, South St. Vital

Dear Not Sure: Let it be over from your end! Nobody wants to stay with a freeloader for long, unless they’re desperate. You seem like a successful enough person to be able to enjoy entertainment of all sorts, but you really shouldn’t be expected to pay for the tickets all the time.

If you want to treat a few people, treat some friends and family instead — people who truly do care about you, and don’t “expect” it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I can’t speak! My husband-to-be has just announced he’s inviting his old love — the woman he lived with for three years — to be our wedding guest in two months. It’s a very intimate little wedding. If I’m his true love now, why does he want to do this? Is it to show her he could do better than her? Besides, she’s quickly married somebody else, herself. Why should she and her new man come?

It’s just driving me crazy, so I phoned my grandmother and told her. She said, “Are you sure you want this man to be your husband — a man who wants his ex-lady to be at his wedding with you? Think this over harder, my dear!”

I am thinking, but my head is a mess. I just don’t know what to do now. I thought I loved my new man, but he is sewing big seeds of distrust in me. What do you think?

— Feeling Shaky, East Kildonan

Dear Feeling Shaky: Time to stop! This man is playing jealousy games with you and his ex-girlfriend — and who knows if there are other women he plans to invite with whom he’s also been involved romantically.

Get some serious counselling for yourself to work out the thorny issues here. If you can’t afford counselling, Grandma would likely be willing to listen — and be glad to help you avoid a bad mistake with this guy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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