Reach out and things may just work out

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just endured the most lonely and awful summer of my life. My family and I stayed mostly huddled indoors by the TV, barely able to make ends meet and not knowing many people in the city at all.

My husband and I split in May and the kids and I moved into the south end of the city where I got a job that barely pays for rent, bills and food.

I finally bought a rust-bucket of a car, so we can get to the grocery stores and such more easily, but we’re not feeling secure and happy. Can you please steer me in a direction where I can get some help for myself and my kids?

— Feeling Sad, Fort Garry

Dear Feeling Sad: No doubt you’re feeling very lonely in your struggle right now, but there are some solutions to your problems near to you and friends to be met who really understand.

Right in your neck of the woods, the Fort Garry Women’s Resource Centre (fgwrc.ca) has a new roster of events for fall listed on their website.

They also promote building friendships between the women who come to the centre and you really need that now. Their group counselling connects women with similar experiences through discussion topics such as self-esteem, anger management, assertiveness, positive coping and building healthy relationships.

The centre is not just there to help adults, but also their loved ones. For instance, the child counselling program offers individual guidance for children from four to 12 who have witnessed or experienced any form of family violence (whether physical, verbal, emotional or sexual).

It’s a safe place for children to talk about important topics, including healthy relationships, coping, anger management, anxiety and self-esteem. Referrals must be made by the child’s parent or legal guardian.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband deserves the best for his birthday, but he always maintains he doesn’t want anything from us. He says that his family is all he wants. He takes us out for all-we-can-eat burgers and milkshakes and he does like to blow out the birthday candles with the kids at the picnic table by our favourite burger stand.

He insists on paying for everything though. He claims it’s the least he can do after I had four kids for him and endured 36 months of pregnancy. What can I possibly do to get this man to enjoy a gift on his own birthday this month?

— Loving Wife, North End

Dear Loving Wife: Stop pushing what you want and honour your husband’s wishes for nothing store-bought for his birthday. Just help the kids make some homemade gifts for their daddy, such as drawings, maybe even featuring a birthday cake in them. Bring balloons for the kids and their dad for a great series of photographs to remember the day.

And for the when the tired kids are off to bed, you might also plan something special for your own bedroom later. Respect the fact your man doesn’t want a new shirt or tool or golf club, but what kind of guy doesn’t enjoy a special night with the woman he loves?

So let him know subtly that he can look forward to a lovely time after the homemade gifts, burgers and birthday cake are finished and the kids are asleep. Then give him that present of love without diminishing it by saying it’s “not a real gift.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography