Despite shock, best to leave past in the past

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently saw my ex-husband on my final day out at the beach for the year. He was looking fantastic — so muscular and tanned. He was there with a couple of guys who were also obviously bodybuilders. I must admit I gawked when I saw my ex somewhat sensually touching several different guys’ biceps on the beach.

I quickly pulled my towel up over my long, red hair as it dawned on me he wasn’t judging for some type of contest or comparison. I ran from the beach before he spotted me and things turned awkward.

The question that’s bugging me is this: Was my husband secretly into hanging with this particular male group while we were married and maybe even before? They’re way too touchy-feelie a group for heterosexual guys. How do I find out the exact score on this?

— Really Need to Know, Osborne Village

Dear Need to Know: You’re through with this man, so you don’t need to go looking for proof he’s bisexual or whatever his sexual status is.

It’s time to look to your own future love life and make sure any man you get serious with isn’t living a secret double life. Too many people don’t even think to ask about sexual histories — or present day situations — when they’re excited about a new person and getting involved in a new relationship.

Sometime later, they might wish they’d been brave enough to have that discussion, nearer the beginning of the relationship. Unfortunately, that’s how you’re feeling now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Your response to Mature Girl (of 13) did not consider that she may be asexual. As a new teenager, she may not even know such a thing exists. Telling her things may change as she “matures,” may have her dreading her unknown future.

One neglected part of LGBTTQ+ is a letter that falls under the “plus” sign. That’s the “A,” which used to be part of the string, but now is not. You would be doing a great service to young people if you could remind them of its existence.

It’s always reassuring to know you are not a one-off invention. I wish I’d known at her age that what I felt was a different kind of normal. It would have saved a lot of grief.

— Asexual Woman, Manitoba

Dear Asexual Woman: People want to have a category to know where they belong, so they can stop wondering why they don’t have a slot to fit into, and a group that provides some kind of recognition for their somewhat unique life situation.

People who truly don’t have any defined sexual feelings would then at least have a category, although one considered “negative” by some people in the general public. That distinction does perhaps need a better label than asexual which has a kind of “feel-nothing” tone to it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s nothing I find sexier than fall camping with a little nip in the night air. Of course, it’s not so much fun when the smoke irritates already inflamed nasal passages. But I personally was dying to go again before summer 2025 was really over. We have so precious little time!

So, I really pushed my lady to see her doctor to get a top-of-the line inhaler and I quickly booked a campground site. She just snorted at me and she’s decided she won’t go with me. To heck with her nose for just one weekend! What now?

— Crazy About Fall Camping, West End

Dear Crazy About Fall Camping: Why should your mate go where her inflamed nasal passages will be further damaged? Let your girlfriend stay home and enjoy a healthy time without you hassling her.

Stop pushing her to compromise her health for your selfish sake. If that way of thinking doesn’t work for you, then you don’t deserve to be her intimate boyfriend.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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