You can ‘sell’ new adventure to the naysayers

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a newly-retired woman who woke up with a jolt one morning and saw/dreamed a sign in the air above my head that said clearly: “Move back home.”

I had nothing better to do, so I packed a big bag of food and drove straight out to my hometown. On arrival, I drove up and down the little streets, and went into both cafés. On leaving the second one, I ran into a recognizable woman from my school days, walking a small pack of dogs! She invited me to join her, walking her pups. We talked like old times and she invited me to her place for coffee.

I confessed that I was toying with moving back to the country and she said, “Funny thing! Three houses have just come up for sale recently. I know the owners. Want to go see them?” So, we got three walk-throughs without appointments, and a welcome like you’d never get in the city.

I loved one of the little houses, and it had a charming “studio” upstairs. That was a huge “sign” for me, so I phoned my lawyer. Now I’m seriously thinking of buying that house and moving this fall.

The problem I’m having is naysayers from my close family are complaining because my move would inconvenience them seeing their mom and auntie, and “Grandmama” to the young kids.

The chicken-hearts like my adult kids are terrified I’ll freeze to death in a storm or get buried in the snow! My response is: “What an adventurous way to go!” and their eyes spring open.

In any case, I’ve pretty much decided I’m going. But how can I make this move happy for me and everybody else? I will be 15 kilometres from a beautiful lake they all know, and this hometown of mine hosts all kinds of events for all ages — older people mix with younger people, the way it should be.

If my kids don’t like my small country-house accommodation, bigger towns nearby have good motels. How can I get my beloved city-raised kids on board?

— New Adventure, Winnipeg

Dear New Adventure: “If you build it, they will come” is a famous misquote from the 1989 movie Field of Dreams where the actual line is “If you build it, he will come.” The phrase suggests that if you create something of great interest, people will naturally be drawn to it.

Sometimes you just have to choose to make adventurous moves that don’t get the stamp of approval from all your close family and friends. So you have to go ahead and do it, and then “sell it” to the naysayers. Until you do that, they may think it will just inconvenience them to have to drive out of their way to come see what your new world has to offer you — and possibly them — and just hope you’ll move back!

However, once they come and stay for a bit, and get into the swing of fun new adventures, you may hear changes in their voices. Soon, they may be bringing other friends out to be part of the fun. So go ahead and shake them up, and at least see what happens!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m so much in shock I can hardly speak today. An old boyfriend I’d heard had died is actually very much alive. Rumours years ago said he died in some kind of work accident in B.C., but the truth is he just went to jail for a short time in another province.

I found his new whereabouts through a relative of his — a sister I really clicked with years ago. He’s dropped his old last name, as he’s a “new guy now,” says his sister. He’s since gotten into a trade that has ended up as a really good business venture, and he’s partnering with his previous boss.

He and I have been on the phone and talking for a month already. This fall, when it’s still warm where he lives, he wants me to take a short motorcycle trip with him, like we used to do. I’m tempted to go. He was always such a gentleman with me. But what if it doesn’t turn out? Should I do it?

— Tempted, But Worried, Westwood

Dear Tempted: It’s too soon to go off with this guy on a two-wheel adventure. You might want to visit him in his new town or city though, spending time together in a secure and comfortable setting — but keeping your own hotel room.

You could also invite him to Winnipeg for a short visit and start out with him having his own hotel room. If you do get along really well, you might think about a cosier adventure — but not too soon. This is a guy you really need to test out.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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