Leave lonely lake life and get back to busy

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m going crazy! My husband and I are living up at a lake for the first summer after buying a beautiful new cabin. I thought it was going to be heaven, but it’s been hell for me.

I’m not retired, but I’m able to work at my office job remotely for the summer. The problem is, I’m already lonely and bored while my husband is out fishing. My man goes off in the boat with his buddies in the early morning, often for the whole day and the early evening, too. Now he says he’s “in fisherman’s heaven” with his retired buddies who go explore the many great angling lakes around us.

If it goes on all summer and into early fall, and I’ll be out of my mind by then. Most of the other guys’ wives stay back in the city now. They learned early on it’s a drag to be a fisherman’s “widow.”

I called my boss this morning after my husband left to go fishing. My manager says they’re really busy right now, and could use me there ASAP. Yay! I can come back to the office as soon as I want, but I feel guilty about leaving my husband alone. What should I do?

— Going Nuts, central Manitoba

Dear Going Nuts: Enough’s enough! There’s still half a summer left, so you could turn this lonely and boring season around for yourself if you get back to work. Co-workers will be glad to see you and your “sanity” will return with the socializing there, as well as the feeling of being needed and valued.

Then you can figure out a new future cottage situation that better suits both you and your man. For summer and the start of fall, your retired husband might choose regular days he wants to come to the city to see you and then go back to his new love — fishing.

Together, you might enjoy some of the holiday weekends away from work visiting friends and family at their summer refuges. This may help to restore balance in your marriage situation. It will also remind your husband he can have fun with you and other friends and family — not just his fishing buddies.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband of less than a year came home with the wrong suitcase, although it looked almost exactly the same as his at first glance. I saw it sitting in the hallway by our back door. He had quickly opened and emptied it, ready to take out to his vehicle. Why?

I decided to take the suitcase into the bedroom on a suspicious hunch, and I searched it. Hidden in a tight side pocket, I found a Polaroid-type photo of my man and a woman in a bare-chested embrace, with his one arm out holding the camera to snap the selfie of them.

Just then my husband’s cellphone rang. I yelled, “Take it — I dare you!” It was a woman screaming at him on the phone about her suitcase. He obviously knew her — from the trip they had been on together!

Now I’m going to see a lawyer. Is it just a waste of money? Should I just run while I can? We have no kids yet.

— Seeing Red, Winnipeg

Dear Seeing Red: Someone who breaks their wedding vows to you doesn’t deserve to share in your life. It’s possible your new husband was looking for a way out of the marriage. In the wake of all the wedding excitement, the honeymoon and the beginning of a life together, a fling or a full-size affair can be totally shattering to the one who has been cheated on. There is no durable marriage foundation yet — only promises made — and there’s already serious damage.

This can be very hard on the brain and heart, so see an experienced counsellor ASAP who can help you work through the trauma.

The advice of angry family members just isn’t enough, and can often make you feel even more mixed up.

Also, make sure to consult the best divorce lawyer you can — and do it right away. You need someone with years of experience in marriage break-ups to help you, so it’s certainly not a waste of money.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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