Snoozy flameout a good thing in long run

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a loving lesbian woman who is a bit shy. After an expensive dinner out (my treat for my new girlfriend’s birthday) she drove me to her place where she had her favourite romance scene partly set up. She had told me about it over dinner, and it involved far too many lit candles for my big fear of fire. I’m not much of an actor and I’m scared stiff of getting burned.

I somehow managed to fall asleep while she was getting everything ready to go and she had to wake me up. I had totally lost my nerve by then. I freaked and grabbed my jacket and went outside in the cold to book a ride home. I didn’t want her driving me. What chance do I have with her now?

— Lonely, Westwood

Dear Lonely: You’re not a performative-type lovemaker and definitely need someone who is more natural — not to mention safety-conscious.

Falling asleep while waiting for her tells you that you were just too tired and stressed to entertain her anymore, even on her birthday. A more thoughtful partner would have happily postponed the scene until the next day when you were both rested and refreshed. This is definitely not the best love partner for you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new boyfriend is a scientist and loves his lab job. He even does the odd experiment at home in the evenings and on weekends. Enough already. I’m getting sick and tired of this.

He doesn’t have to work in the evenings, and I would like to go out for dinner and a movie or a concert or show that comes to town. He has the money to do this with me, but he’s often too concerned with his latest experiments in his home lab. He has visions of writing famous science books.

Tell me, will he not to be a good match for me? He really turns me on sexually.

— Frustrated, Tuxedo

Dear Frustrated: Great sex will get you through the first months, but when things simmer down somewhat with you two (as things naturally tend to), his passion for evening lab work at home is sure to ramp up even more. That seems to be his main ongoing focus.

Rather than getting too far into this relationship “experiment,” talk to your man about it and don’t be afraid to be honest. It’s better to end things early than too late when your heart is wound up and you crave more of his love and attention, but all he really wants is to be in his lab conjuring up the fame he longs for.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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