DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I saw someone on the beach I used to love. She was with her husband, who had just gone into the water. She had several children with her, playing in the sand.

Her oldest kid looked right up at me and I said to my ex in a shocked whisper, “He looks like me!”

She replied in a whisper, “And my husband looks a lot like you, too, you idiot. My son was born two years after we broke up. He’s not yours, and you and I mean nothing to each other anymore.”

Interesting! That child had my colour of eyes and my colour of curly hair. Now what?

— Find It Amusing, St. Vital

Dear Find It Amusing: What you said to this woman did not come from a place of amusement. It was just plain rude and had a lot to do with your feelings of jealousy and spite. She married a guy who looks a bit like you, which is not unusual. People often have “a look” they are attracted to, and they can likely find someone of that appearance more than once in their romantic life.

This woman should not have had to prove to you through the timing of her child’s birth that you were not his father.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just spent 14 days with my best friend at the lake we both love. Both of us are single-again women, free of exes and our grown “kids.” We’d decided to go travelling next winter, so this vacation in Manitoba was a trial run to see if we could stand two whole weeks together.

Unfortunately, we had too much to drink on the last night there. She seemed to be imbibing with a purpose! It turned out she had a confession to make to “clear the air.” She had a secret one-night stand with my ex-husband, after we broke up! It was at a time when she and I were on the outs, and the two of them went out to a bar to talk about their conflict with me. I will admit I was fighting with everybody like a fool at that time in my life.

Here’s the thing: I’ve calmed down and thought it out and really want to forgive her for trying out my ex, but I’m too pig-headed to let it go. She should never have touched him! He was my husband, even when divorced. To me, that’s forbidden territory for my sisters and friends — for life.

Doesn’t everybody past high school feel that way? They got together years ago, but I don’t trust her implicitly, so how can I travel with her where she will be my only friend in a foreign country?

— Feeling Unsure, East Kildonan

Dear Unsure: You’d be better off to travel with someone in your family or an organized travel group.

As for trustworthiness, you already know this friend can’t be trusted 100 per cent. It’s likely she wouldn’t go behind your back again, but the trust is still damaged.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just discovered how my new girlfriend stays slim when she eats so much when we’re out together. She goes into the bathroom and makes herself throw up. I discovered this when another woman in our restaurant dinner party heard her throwing up from a few stalls over, and recognized what was happening.

She heard her gargle like crazy afterwards in the stall — another sign of this behaviour. She used to be like that, too, so she knows the tricks. I don’t want this hassle in my life, but she is a very nice person otherwise. What should I do about this, if anything?

— Feeling Awkward, St. James

Dear Awkward: You need to talk to this new girlfriend about what she’s doing, as it’s very dangerous to one’s health. “Purging” after eating can include self-induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics or other medications. So, tell this new girlfriend honestly that someone from your dinner group overheard what she was doing in the washroom and came to you to talk about it because she was concerned.

Your new mate may tell you to get lost out of embarrassment or anger, but she’s more likely to break down and cry. She needs professional help and this could be the kind wake-up call that will help her get it.

Her first step would be to talk to her physician and ask to be referred to a professional who specializes in disordered eating, including a psychiatrist who can work with her and prescribe any medications needed to help her get away from this dangerous behaviour.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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