Don’t get tangled up in ‘no-strings’ affair

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I almost made it to the end of summer without calling my hot ex-girlfriend. She will sometimes take me in for an afternoon of fun and sex, just for old times sake! I feel guilty for a while afterwards because I’m married — but a guy needs a break once in a while, right?

My problem? This ex has no steady guy in her life right now, so she asked if we could start seeing each other regularly on Sunday afternoons “no strings attached” until she finds a new partner. Yikes! Free sex with her once a week? Oddly enough, this does not strike me as a smart idea.

I know she would never out me to my wife, but things are bound to get emotional if we start a seeing each other a lot again — plus she’s feeling lonely. I know her personality, and she can kick up a fuss. She’s quite emotional and I can’t afford to get in her line of fire.

On the other hand, I have a wife and kids who have such busy lives they don’t even seem to notice I’m there anymore. What do I say to this ex?

— Could Mean Danger, Winnipeg

Dear Danger: Now that your ex-girlfriend no longer has a regular love partner, she certainly is bound to be more emotional and miss you when you’re not around. She might not be so careful in helping protect your marriage relationship and be contacting you between trysts.

Can you afford this? You could end up losing your wife if this ex goes on a campaign to get more of you to fill her lonely days. Tell her simply, “Thanks, but no. You’re attractive, but it’s too dangerous.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We don’t have enough money for a cottage, but my kids like to sleep in a tent with me in the backyard on Saturday nights in the summer. We have a high backyard fence, but the problem is that older teenage neighbours barrel down the lane in their cars, arriving back late from parties.

On top of that, all through August they’ve been lighting their firepit out back, and regularly waking up the kids and me.

I recently put a large, angry sign up on the lane fence for the offenders to see regarding their behaviour, and they just scribbled rude responses on it with Sharpies! All my sign has done is cause trouble — and unfortunately some of these kids were my best babysitters during the school year. Now I worry I may have really messed that up. Help!

— Not Winning This Summer, Charleswood

Dear Not Winning: At least salvage your babysitting help, which is very important with summer almost gone and school starting. Go over in person to the houses around you and bring some baking your sitters would like as an apology. Also explain to them about your precious tenting nights with the kids.

Then maybe you can strike a deal that you’ll let the teenager know ahead of time about what nights you’ll be having your outdoor sleepovers. In any case, your overnight outdoor fun will likely be wrapping up for the year soon as summer is almost over. Good luck mending fences!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Someone who just disappeared from my life totally has recently reappeared online. A friend pointed her out to me, and even though she’s using a different name (similar to name by which I know her) and sporting a different haircut and heavy eyeglasses, I’m certain it’s her.

I don’t know why she didn’t want to be my girlfriend anymore, and why she seems to be using a disguise now. Should I contact her and ask her why she disappeared?

— Still Hurting, Exchange District

Dear Hurting: No, let her be! While it may satisfy your curiosity to go after this ex to get answers, the bottom line is you are highly unlikely to get a single one. Since she obviously doesn’t want any more communication from you, it’s time to say a silent “goodbye” in your mind and let it all go.

Don’t waste your time on people who would just ditch you like this. It’s just a demoralizing waste of your time. If you find yourself unable to stop obsessing over this disappearing ex, consider consulting a relationship counsellor or psychologist (which may be covered by your work health-insurance coverage) or see a psychiatrist recommended by your physician. This move could be highly beneficial for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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