Prankster partner’s bedroom buffoonery a bust

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new boyfriend is a practical joker. At first, I thought it was fun — but then nothing was ever aimed at me. We were having a lot of laughs, admittedly at other people’s expense, so it was fine.

But then he went too far. He hid a long-legged, wiry-haired stuffed monster under his bed covers. He took me in there without turning on the light — ostensibly to have sex. I hopped under the covers without looking, put my feet down under the sheets, and felt the “monster” on my bare legs. I shrieked and jumped out of the bed, and had tears streaming down my cheeks.

He laughed and laughed, and thought it was just hilarious to see me upset and freaking out. I screamed at him and told him he was acting like a creepy 12-year-old in a grown man’s body and I wanted nothing more to do with him. I booked a ride immediately to go home and left.

Now he keeps calling and calling saying I was overreacting. I just hang up. What do you think?

— Creeped Out, Fort Rouge

Dear Creeped Out: You’re absolutely right — this monster-in-the-bed joke is the kind of ridiculous stunt immature guys might play at a Halloween sleepover with their buddies. It’s not something you pull on a girlfriend of any age, for any reason, and certainly not to entice her to have sex with you.

This ex-boyfriend isn’t getting a second chance with you, and that makes total sense. Beware of practical jokers because, as you learned, if they need a laugh and there’s no one else handy, you’re the butt of the joke.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m crazy about my younger girlfriend, but she doesn’t understand my need for rest outside the bedroom. (I’m 34 and she’s 25.) For instance, I need more sleep than most guys her age.

She’s still a night owl and loves going to the bar, even on weeknights, with her friends. Then she comes over to my house, lets herself in with the key I gave her and wakes me up to have sex.

Sex is great on a weekend when you can sleep it off afterward, but I’m so tired after a weeknight of entertaining her, I go into the office looking like death warmed over and people tease me.

Last night, this habit of hers came to an end because I desperately needed my sleep for a big presentation.

I locked my bedroom door so she couldn’t disturb me when she came crashing in. She still ended up banging on my door and jolting me awake.

Finally, I yelled, “Please go home. I need to sleep.” Then she went silent and left. Now she’s not responding to my texts or calls.

I want her back, but I can’t afford to jeopardize my job. What can I do?

— Night Plight, Norwood

Dear Night Plight: It’s time to face facts. Either she has to agree to limit her late-night booty calls to weekends, or you may have to let this frisky gal go.

Your career is important to you and you know you don’t have the energy for late-night romancing with this younger party woman if you want to feel re-energized for work the next morning. You may need to consider someone a nearer your own age or with a similar work situation. That way, you can come home after work, share a nice dinner and a couple of hours of TV or games, then maybe some lovemaking and sleeping by midnight to make sure you’re both bright-eyed for work in the morning.

Weekends can still be reserved for wilder activities, but it’s foolish to sacrifice your work to entertain a party woman on weeknights.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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