Let the credits roll on publicly gropey guy

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last weekend I told my boyfriend loudly, “Back off!” at a romantic movie we went to see. I won’t be doing this with him anymore, as it gives him a big thrill to try his own sexy moves during the screening. I don’t find his grabby hands a turn-on when I’m trying to watch a movie we paid good money to see!

What is wrong with the man? I just want to eat snacks, drink my beverage and enjoy the actors on the silver screen. Finally, I told him to get lost and I totally broke up with him on the way home to my place, but he keeps phoning and phoning. What should I say to him now?

— So Turned Off, St. James

Dear Turned Off: The fact he was pestering you for sexual action at the movie is a sign he may be wishing he was the star of his own erotic flick. He’s just going to end up getting thrown out of the theatre.

Block his number and say good riddance to this boyfriend! If he keeps trying to contact you, you may have to consider contacting police or taking legal action.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Recently I was super tired after working overtime, and my out-of-work husband insisted I eat the dinner he cooked before I went for a much-needed nap. (He’s been trying to learn how to cook, but he’s definitely still a work in progress.)

I was not hungry, just tired, so I ended up falling asleep at the dinner table.

My man was insulted and kicked up a big fuss. I finally said, “Well, when you get a job again and I don’t have to work overtime so much, maybe then I’ll be able to stay awake at dinner!”

We’re not talking in a friendly way anymore — only saying what’s absolutely necessary to each other. Please help.

— Losing Marriage? South St. Vital

Dear Losing: Not surprisingly, it hurt when you fell asleep during one of your husband’s home-cooked dinners. The situation is understandably awkward right now for both of you, but maybe cooking a tasty but simple dish or two together could help up his kitchen game. You could also to share some wine and put on some good music to unwind a bit.

It doesn’t seem like a marriage-threatening situation, even though the work stress can make it seem that way at times. Once the tension between you is reduced somewhat and you actually start to laugh together again, the affection will come back.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new live-in girlfriend likes to practise talking to people while looking into the mirror. She rehearses what she will say to certain clients before she goes to her office to meet them.

It makes me grimace to see her practising, and I lose my admiration for her, knowing her advice has been rehearsed like a part in a play. But please help explain to me why it also turns me off her as a sexual partner as well?

— Critical Partner, Osborne Village

Dear Critical: Your girlfriend’s rehearsed advice to clients comes off as phoney to you, and that turns you off.

It’s a memorized speech, whereas natural advice from most people — even if it’s been researched — doesn’t usually come out quite so smoothly. It often comes out in “spills” with a few clarifications and spaces, where the other person can comment and ask questions.

You could subtly talk to your partner about this. She might feel annoyed at first (who likes criticism?), but may realize it makes sense later.

Once you iron this out, you will feel more attracted to your mate again. Don’t view this problem as a permanent damper on your sex life.

It can be fairly easily mended, as long as you don’t just grit your teeth and try to ignore it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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