Pipsqueak-to-heartthrob transformation a shocker

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last week I heard the doorbell and opened the door quickly without really looking outside. It was the kid who lived next door before he went away to university. He’s back for a little while — and looking like a rock star.

He used to play in a local band, but he never looked the part while he lived with his parents. Now this “kid” is so hot-looking and pumped up, he’s dangerous.

I invited him in from the cold and gave him a coffee. He was all about asking to see my daughter, but she was in class at the university — and thank God. If she gets a look at the new him with his hair, earrings and tattoos, her dad and I are in trouble.

He’s home for a whole month. What can I do to warn my daughter away?

— Trouble in Tight T-Shirt? Fort Garry

Dear Trouble: It sounds like mom needs a warning herself. Try to keep your eyes from lighting up when you warn your daughter off this guy next door. In fact, try to be casual and don’t say too much at all, other than the fact he’s home and dropped by to say hello to her.

She’s a big girl now and you owe her that much. And let’s face it, these two young adults will definitely see one another soon, and whatever your daughter’s reaction is, you’re going to have to live with it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When my wife asked me if I still loved her like I did in the beginning, I said, “Well, I wish I could say yes.” That was the brutal truth. Now everything is blowing up unnecessarily over a few careless words.

I hoped by telling her that, she might make an effort to up her game and help get us back on track. But she just looked at me with angry eyes and said, “Who has been true and who has not?”

I had no idea she knew about anything I’ve done outside our marriage. It’s certainly nothing serious enough to ruin a marriage with kids. I travel a lot for work and there were casual opportunities I took.

I didn’t think it affected my marriage negatively, and it helped me not to be a complainer when I was home.

Now my wife wants me to go to couple’s counselling at our church. I don’t want to go and have everybody in the group know the details of our married life. What else can I do?

— Need Privacy, North End

Dear Need Privacy: Neither one of you has asked to split yet, so it’s still possible to get help this relationship. You should know couples can find counselling in many places other than their own church. If you want to change your ways, and possibly save your marriage, get proactive along with your wife and seek out a private counselling situation that suits you both.

Is it also possible to find a work situation where you don’t travel as much and are home more for the sake of your wife and growing kids? It may not be as good for you financially, but it could save your marriage and family.

Also, depending on the age of your children, your wife might want to get out of the house and into the world for full- or part-time work. That would even things up, and could help bring you closer together again.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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