DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My six-foot-three boyfriend eats like a horse. If I ate as much as he does, I would weigh 300 pounds. Sometimes I’m so surprised watching him, I just stop eating, mid-chew.

My mother is amazed when he comes over for Sunday dinner, especially after a sports practice. When she counts up how many people are coming to eat, she counts him as two people.

Frankly, half the time I don’t know whether I’m bragging or complaining about him. His mother says it cost her a fortune to feed him as a teenager when he was playing on several teams at once. It was a big relief to the family food budget when he finally moved out.

She says it would cost a lot to marry him and have sons who eat like him, but I like his giant size. I get a little thrill when he picks me up and carries me upstairs to bed at his place. It’s OK to be in love with a giant. But when ignorant people say we look funny together, I don’t know what to say to them. Please advise.

— Shorty, West End

Dear Shorty: Look past all that nonsense.

Considering how far human beings have come, it’s amazing some people are still worrying about each other’s size and height. Don’t cave in to people judging your boyfriend in any way. If they do make fun of you two for the difference in your heights, just say blithely, “You should be as lucky as I am” and change the subject quickly. It’s beneath you to carry on in that conversational direction.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a guy with a many-sided sense of humour. I’m not a comedian, but I have several friends who are. I go to live shows a lot and enjoy almost every type of comedy.

My problem is this: I really don’t want to go to live events with my wife anymore. She’s offended by certain types of humour and gets a pained look on her face for the rest of the act, which spoils things.

When she does that, I have encouraged her several times to take our car and go home. But she won’t go home without me. Instead, she just sits beside me with that pained look on her face. I really hate it. Help, please.

— Had Enough, St. Vital

Dear Enough: Here’s the trick: buy four tickets to the next show. Give the two extras to your wife to give to two friends who will want to sit with her. Then you can relax. They’ll be chatting away on their own, and you’ll be left to freely enjoy the show. Then you can also visit with your comedian friends backstage during breaks.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a teacher who loves travelling, but I’m too worried about the world situation to plan a trip and go like I used to. Unfortunately, I don’t want to venture abroad by myself anymore — it’s too scary these days.

Spring is when I usually plan my summers off, and often go somewhere overseas, but I’m at a loss as what to do this year. Any suggestions?

— Cautious Traveller, Bridgwater

Dear Cautious: Canada is so big, you could stay within the country and still have a great new adventure every month. Consider taking a summer course at another Canadian location where you’ll meet a bunch of new people to befriend — it could be mountainous Banff, Alta., or beautiful coastal spots such as Victoria, B.C., or St. John’s, N.L.

You could focus on arts, crafts and leisure activities — anything that piques your curiosity that can get you connected for a great summer.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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