Three can be a crowd no matter how open minds are

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a bisexual woman and an only child. Right now, I’m seeing a guy and my mother is cheering because it looks serious and she hopes for a grandchild from me soon. I dated several women before this relationship.

Mom hopes all this “nonsense” about my being bisexual will disappear in a whirl of hormones with this great new guy around. Who knows? She might just get her wish for a grandkid, but that won’t change the fact I can be bowled over by a woman.

My new guy is a very confident type and he says, regarding marriage to a bisexual woman, “Let’s give it a whirl and see where it goes.” He also thinks he can beat out any woman in a contest for me.

He doesn’t realize it’s two very different competitions.

In a perfect world, I could marry him and have kids with together, and at some point have a part-time female lover on the side, and he says that wouldn’t cause a problem for him. He thinks female-female relationships are a “kick” to think about and nothing more.

What do you think?

— Bi Babe, Southern Manitoba

Dear Bi Babe: Attitudes are changing, but there will always be issues with jealousy when there are three people involved in a serious relationship situation. How would you feel if he had a man on the side?

If you have a woman on the side, will she be competing for your love and time? Will your male partner quickly get sick of her claiming territory in your life? If you and he start a family, will he bridle at your unusual situation? This almost certainly won’t be as easy you’re imagining, so give it some real thought and discuss it together before things progress too far.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have developed a kicking problem in my sleep and my new girlfriend will not hear of me taking medication for it. I already take quite a few pills for a different condition, and she says more are not necessary. But could this possibly be dangerous?

We first met at the pool in our apartment block and were hot for each other instantly — and that’s still the case. But now she encourages me to go home to my own apartment after having sex because she needs to get a good sleep for work and not have me kick her awake.

— Missing Her, North Kildonan

Dear Missing Her: First, you must let your doctor, not your girlfriend, decide if you need medication for your kicking issue in case it’s related to a more serious problem. And for now, you need two different sleeping arrangements until the kicking problem is sorted — one for the work week when you both need adequate rest, and another on weekends when you can catch up with naps.

One of the problems with living in the same block and dating is a lack of rest and privacy. Tell your new girlfriend that you understand if she doesn’t want to see you seven nights a week, and don’t take offence. You’ll both need some breaks.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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