Assure gramps you have big-city safety in hand

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother was born a farm girl, but always wanted to be a farm boy. She married a non-macho farm boy from her school who was inheriting a large plot of land.

My parents actually loved each other a lot, and they had me — a baby boy — and I was definitely free to be me. I could wear anything I wanted in the privacy of our home or even run around naked if I wanted.

Then I started school and quickly figured out it was safest to just look and act like a traditional boy all the time.

But after I moved to Winnipeg for university, I could finally come out freely as a gay man and found my real group.

The problem now is that my grandparents moved to the city recently from our small town. When I went over there for dinner, my soft-spoken grandpa tried to tell me I should try to act more like a normal man to avoid trouble with big-city bad guys when I go out.

I assured him I would be careful, but he didn’t look convinced. I know how much he loves me and how he worries about me. What should I do?

— Grandpa’s Baby, Winnipeg

Dear Baby: If you really don’t feel like fully presenting your sexual identity to your grandparents right now, why not just allay their general fears for your personal safety in the city by assuring them you’re always with friends and not walking by yourself.

You could also show them the ride-sharing or taxi apps on your phone so they know you’ll be able to get home safely after a night out.

So in gentle language, let your elder loved ones know you take real care to protect yourself in the city, especially at night.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: On my birthday, my best friend took it upon herself to remind me I was getting “up there” in age and was also single.

Obviously, that’s her problem at 41 (same age as me), but not mine.

By the end of the party I’d had way too much to drink and most people had gone home.

She made one more crack about me turning 41 and having no one, so I picked up the last piece of birthday cake and rubbed it in her face. Friends broke us up, took her away and shoved her in a cab.

Now she keeps phoning and I don’t want to hear her voice, even for an apology. Why should I endure another syllable from her mouth?

We’ve been friends for years, but I’ve had enough. Why should I forgive her just because people are telling me to?

— Too Mad, Tuxedo

Dear Too Mad: Go ahead and hold the grudge if you want, but it may hardest on you. If she wants to apologize, have your friends tell her you’ll listen if she calls.

You can hear what she has to tell you and say, “OK, I’ll think about it,” or you can talk it out right there, and blame it on the booze.

Even better, maybe you can both just laugh about it, call each other idiots and really let it go. That would be easier on both of you in the long run. Choosing to do nothing but hold a grudge would be hard on both of you, so why not take the easy route out and forgive each other?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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