Right to cry foul on mate’s interactions with ex

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband’s former wife just moved back to the city. I hear through the grapevine she’s minus about 30 pounds and had her face done as well. Sorry if I sound catty, but she’s a witch.

She wanted an excuse to come over and show off her new look to my husband, so she decided to finally return his most-prized sporting possessions and trophies he had won back in the day. She knew how much he wanted them back all these years.

I felt like punching her in her new face. She stood for half an hour in our driveway in a low-cut top, leaning on a fender. I wouldn’t come out and invite her in. After she left, my husband was completely silent, probably thinking of the good times he had with her and could probably have again.

My husband and I are not getting along now, which makes me nervous. I feel like screaming at him because I’ve given him so much of myself.

And today I learned from a good friend that he recently saw my husband and his ex together in a park.

Where do I go from here? I still love my man so much.

— Want What’s Mine, North Kildonan

Dear Want What’s Mine: Privately talk to a divorce lawyer about possible outcomes and then speak to your husband about what’s really going on with this ex. Tell him outright he’s been spotted with her.

If you still want to save your marriage, make a series of appointments with a relationship counsellor, both together and individually, and see how that goes. However, this can be particularly difficult when one partner is already seeing somebody else.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t want a woman who goes back to work when her child is an infant, as so many do now. I had a mother like that, and way too many babysitters.

I can afford to carry a family of three or four kids and a wife, as I make high six figures. But every woman I meet in my business world is so career-minded. I don’t know where to go to find the kind of child-and-family woman I want. Please help.

— Old-Fashioned Guy, St. James

Dear Old-Fashioned: A few women online openly express the desire to be stay-at-home mothers, but not many are outspoken about it, as it’s not so financially feasible these days.

Women who have chosen early years child care as their career could be a good bet for a guy like you. Also, women from happy multi-child families might also want exactly what you want.

Does your own work lend itself to staying home half-time, while your wife works half-time? A well-outfitted home office is a big help, if you do. But if you’re trying to handle child care while working remotely, it isn’t fair to them (or safe), so there should also be a babysitter with you in the house.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.