Steel yourself with support you know you need

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-wife has come back to Winnipeg and wants a third chance. She’s a physically attractive woman, but an alcoholic. Her family supporters claim she has been sober for six months now since going to this new place where she went to clean up.

I don’t want her back here trying to cosy up to me and then move back into my house — the one she once decorated. I’m through with her for good. The difference this time, is I don’t love her anymore — not one bit.

I’ll never trust her again to stay sober for any length of time. Her pattern is to clean up, use her beauty and charm to win people back (like stupid me) and slowly slip back into the pitchers of cocktails and daily binges again.

While I did love her a lot when she was sober, the last of that love has slipped away. So, why am I writing you? Because she is wily like a fox, this city can be a small town and I’m so lonely. How do I keep her away? I don’t trust her, or myself.

— Sucker For Her Sober Side, St. Norbert

Dear Sucker: Start getting help and support right now from a private therapist and the members of Al-Anon — the well-known support group for the friends and family of alcoholics. Why the immediacy? You can sense trouble is coming your way once again, and you’re already feeling the weakness.

So, get involved with Al-Anon (al-anon.org) right now, even if your ex hasn’t started contacting you very much, but knowing there will be trouble for you on the horizon if you don’t fortify yourself. You need friends who are strong and understand.

Among other things, the Al-Anon mutual-support program inspires strong friendships between people whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Without any sneaky tricks on my part, I’ve finally ended up in a class with a guy I’ve had a crush on since junior high, and this is Grade 12. I don’t want to be obvious, but he could move away next year and I can’t wait another year to get my chance with him. The trouble is, I’m shy and time is running out fast, and it’s my last year anywhere near the guy.

— Shy, But Desperately Attracted, St. Boniface

Dear Attracted: Shyness isn’t a problem as long as you can learn to ask easy questions.

Be the friendly person who makes it pleasant for this guy to come to the classes. Just say, “Hi. How are you doing this morning?” or “What did you think of last night’s assignment? I found it a little tough.” Don’t be a big chatterbox, just be a new, closer friend with an easy smile.

Here’s another important tip: as you get to know him, dig in a little deeper to see if he really deserves your crush beyond looking so attractive.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My family keeps telling me I have “dragon breath“ so I brush my teeth six times a day with different toothpastes, gargle and everything. It doesn’t help and I feel so self-conscious. Please help me.

— Dragon Breath, Fort Garry

Dear Dragon: Bad breath that won’t quit is one of the ways your body is warning you to get medical help and look deeper for the cause.

It’s time to see both your dentist and your physician, to find out what’s causing it. “Dragon breath” could be one of several more serious things, so the minty toothpaste and the mouthwashes can’t compete to stop it. That’s actually a good thing.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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