You don’t owe anyone explanation of your ink

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/10/2025 (361 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a beautiful two-mermaid tattoo on my back that I’m not ashamed of, but I’m not keen on showing it to someone new I’m having sex with because they inevitably want to know the origins of it. It was the result of a relationship I had with a woman five years ago that very sadly ended.

I’m a lesbian, and right now I finally have a great new woman interested in me. The time has come to get really close with someone again, but I’m so tired of women asking about my tattoo. I usually try to gracefully explain it before we take our clothes off. Is that a mistake?

This problem is causing me to put the brakes on new romantic interests. This is where I am for a new job I love, but I’m still lonely. Please help me.

— Mermaid Problem, West End

Dear Mermaid Problem: Don’t over-explain or apologize for your tattoo. Just smile and say something casual like: “Nice, isn’t it? I’m quite attached to it. When we know each other better, I’ll tell you all about it.”

If your new woman friend is annoyed over you not wanting to tell the whole story right away, this is simply not the right person for you. She doesn’t own your body or your former life — and it’s a very sensitive issue for you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new work shift begins at 7 a.m. The days are getting shorter and the nights longer. I’ve had to start going to bed earlier and my live-in love comes to bed two or three hours later, often feeling frisky.

I am not in the least interested in sex after I’ve been sleeping a few hours and am just getting into deep sleep. I don’t want to lose this man, but he told me yesterday he is not happy about our sex life disappearing so early in our relationship. What can we do?

— Serious Sex Problem, West End

Dear Serious Sex Problem: It’s time to introduce a different kind of dessert. There’s nothing wrong with making love right after dinner if you don’t have company.

It’s certainly getting darker earlier, so light candles to make your dinners more romantic. And when you’re finished dessert, take yourselves to wherever you want to play that evening and have some sexy fun.

That way you don’t lose the experience of being enthusiastic lovers, and you can still get the sleep you need.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was at the bar recently — a guy alone feeling no pain, but a bit lonely. For the fun of it, I accepted a date with a woman and went home with her. We had the greatest time. Then she dressed me, led me out and kissed me goodbye at the front door of her apartment block.

I was very excited about this new woman in my life. But the next day when I called the number she gave me for her, it was a fake. I was shocked and hurt. How did this happen? I feel kind of used by that bar star. I’m not a player-type guy and this was an unusual situation for me. What’s going on with her?

— Hurt Feelings, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Hurt Feelings: People who are happy to take you home from the bar may think you’re just looking for some fun and quick sex, like they are. They may also have a partner who lives with them but works a different shift and need to get you out the door before they get home.

You’re far better to say right there at the bar, “Look, it’s been fun hanging out and dancing with you tonight, but I’ll have to take a rain check. If you want to see me again, here’s my number.”

If they care enough to call, decide in the light of day if you still want to get together.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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