Bring curtain down on this unsettling sequel

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The wife I separated from — the lifelong actor — came back to me recently, saying she was a changed woman. She was looking for a reconciliation. She said she had changed for me. I was lonely and sex-starved, and I bit.

This woman is good onstage in theatre productions, but the character she’s played in our marriage is non-stop manipulator. But I was lonely, and God knows she provides sexual entertainment.

However, in just a few months, this so-called changed woman was just another role she was playing. I finally told her I wanted to get a divorce for real and look for a genuine person next time around. She laughed and said, “After me, you’ll be bored stiff.” To which I said, “Nope, I’ll finally be relieved.”

In university we were both involved in theatre, and going to bed with her was like having a series of different women in my life. But who did I really have in my arms when the lights went out? Who knows who she really was. I can promise you this — only her therapist knows for sure.

Now that I’ve finally rejected her, she’s on me like a hound and seems to know everywhere I go. It’s gotten worse lately. She keeps turning up at events I attend — like she’s got a spy working for her — and she’s often drunk and pounding on my door later that night. How can I get rid of her for good? Please help.

— Sick of This, Exchange District

Dear Sick of This: If this is just a game to her, it may only take one stiffly worded warning letter from a lawyer to stop her from hounding you. But if she’s seriously troubled psychologically, speak to her family for her own protection, and to a lawyer for yours. If she’s truly harassing you, you can seek a legal restraining order.

Also consider some counselling yourself to figure out why you two had this home drama running for so long, what purpose it served, what harm it caused and what needs to be done to get you both completely free from each other.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sister is a terrible piano player, but thinks she’s wonderful.

My wife and I inherited my mom’s old piano and every time my sister comes over, after dinner she starts pounding out non-stop tunes nobody wants to hear, and at full volume.

Last night my younger brother and his family packed up and left the minute my sister started playing. My parents are both going deaf (lucky them), so they wondered, why my brother’s family left. We knew precisely why because we were holding our ears and wishing for it to end.

What is wrong with people who think any music they create, no matter how bad, is worth listening to?

Family dinners have been a great way to keep our family close, and my mother loves to cook for us and see the grandkids, but what can we do here?

— Aural Assault, Westwood

Dear Aural Assault: Tone-deaf family musicians who love to perform at full volume can become problematic for relatives who love them and have indulged them for years, but something really has to get your clan back into some sort of harmony.

While it may be a relief to diplomatically persuade your dissonant sis to pause her playing, your place may end up feeling noticeably silent and conversation may be stilted.

If you don’t have a decent music collection or stereo system, consider getting a Bluetooth speaker. Then you could even inject some fun by naming a theme and having everyone in the family select a related tune to play.

You might also consider introducing board games for after-dinner entertainment and bonding. That way you can avoid the need for earplugs and awkward early exits.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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