Seek emotional support for parental predicament

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I know my mother has a boyfriend. I’m scared to tell my dad who thinks she’s an angel. Dad works out of town five days a week and flies back home to Winnipeg on the weekends. He makes a lot of money and says it’s worth it, but he doesn’t know what he’s lost already — his wife, for sure. And he hardly knows me anymore.

Mom’s away with “a friend” most weeknights until late, so I don’t see her much. Dad comes home on Fridays for the weekends, and mom fakes being the good wife when he’s at home.

But it’s too late for my mom and me to be close when we’re alone at home. I know she’s cheating on my dad. Is my role in this just to shut up? I feel so alone it scares me.

I’m 17, with plans to go to university for a medical career. There’s lots of money from my dad for that and I will live in residence with other students then.

But for now it’s so lonely, and I hate being part of this fake family surrounded by lies. Help.

— Lonely Girl, Winnipeg

Dear Lonely Girl: Next year in the student residence, you can create your own network of new friends and support. But this last year at home, you need people other than just your parents to support you emotionally. That means opening up about your situation to a trusted adult such as an aunt or a grandmother who can help.

Perhaps one or both might take you in after school on weekdays so you have daily stability, love and support, and can stop worrying so much about your absent parents. You need to be able to do your homework and study enough to get the high grades you need. A good guidance counsellor at school could help you get it all out and help you work out a plan for the next 10 months.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve had occasional dates before, but I have a leg handicap and most women are unable to get past that.

A new woman I have dated was very understanding and not critical about my leg at all. However, I’ve since suspected she may think I should feel grateful to her for the dates. That meant me not daring to say anything about her bad breath.

She believes her sisters say she has scary breath to make her feel bad. Believe me, it’s bad and they are trying to help her, or at least to protect themselves.

Last weekend at her suggestion, we went out to a new place she knows for spicy burgers. I brought a sample bottle of mouthwash in my pocket for her. As expected, her breath was atrocious after eating. I told her nicely afterwards to go use the mouthwash in the washroom to fix her breath.

She grabbed the mouthwash from me, and then walked past the bathrooms and out of the restaurant and left me with the bill. What do you think?

— Can’t Win For Losing, St. James

Dear Can’t Win: You’re lucky she didn’t pour the mouthwash over your head. People don’t want to be “shaped up” by the person they’re dining with — like a guy who brings a bottle of mouthwash for them.

In the dating world, you need to choose people who are already OK the way they are, including their manners and personal hygiene.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.