Oversharing not the key to losing loneliness

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: After an amazing weekend of movie watching, massages and mind-bending sex, I foolishly gave my new girlfriend a key to my apartment — never thinking for one minute she would do what she did.

Two days later, I came home from work and someone was already inside my place, but lying out of sight on my couch, watching my TV. I thought it must be my younger brother, as he has a key. But no, it was my new girlfriend — and she was naked on my couch wearing nothing but a pillow.

I yelled rudely, “What are you doing here?” She said, “Don’t shout at me. You gave me your key!”

I quietly hit the roof. I went into the bathroom to regain my cool and I noticed the medicine cabinet door ajar. She was obviously snooping in there. Then I told her off and demanded my key back. She threw it in my face and left.

My best friend — an older guy — just told me I completely overreacted to the situation. Did I really? Tell me about it.

— Privacy Invaded, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Invaded: Mind-bending sex may cause euphoria for a short period, but it doesn’t usually translate into instant trust and giving out your apartment key.

Why did you immediately skip forward to giving this new woman access to your abode?

Most people start with attraction and excitement, dating, infatuation and a deepening of feelings, but they keep their house keys to themselves. Have you simply been feeling lonely and wishing you had closer company?

Maybe sharing a house with some friends would be a better bet right now so you’re not so solitary and desperate for contact. That way you’ll be better positioned to take your time finding a girlfriend, and possibly real love that leads to commitment.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in lust with a carpenter who is working in my neighbourhood on a building, and he is all muscle. I watch him from my deck and he waves at me now every day from the worksite.

For a joke we wolf whistle at each other, and we each have a unique one. I feel like we are friends. I really want to meet him. What should I do?

— Crushing on Builder, Winnipeg.

Dear Crushing: Take doughnuts and coffee to his building site and use your signature whistle for him to come down and collect his treat.

If he can’t do that, ask one of his fellow workers to take the treat up to him. That will no doubt bring him to the edge of the site to say hello and thank you. Then you two can chat a bit, and who knows, maybe things will progress from there.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently saw a man who looked familiar in a strange way. He walked like a clown with a kind of lope, like his boots were too big. It rang all kinds of bells in my memory — good ones.

Who was the “loper” in my childhood? It’s really bugging me. Do you think I could see someone who uses hypnotism to bring it back to full memory? I’m a curious guy and it’s driving me nuts.

— Baffled, Elmwood

Dear Baffled: Call family members and tell them about your experience, and your curiosity over the “loper.” One of your relatives might know exactly who you are recalling from the past — a real person, a neighbourhood character or perhaps even an obscure cartoon that was popular when you were young.

If none of that works, and your curiosity is still itchy, consider seeing a psychologist who uses hypnotism as a technique to bring back memories and associations.

But first, ask your physician to recommend someone with a good reputation, not just someone who claims to have the talent to hypnotize.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.