Take the leap to learn whether it’s lust or love

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My house doorbell rang at 1 a.m., six times. That was the old signal when I lived with my fraternity buddies. It meant an expected girlfriend had arrived for a late-night visit!

I knew exactly who was dinging my doorbell a couple of nights ago — my favourite old love from university days — and I ran to open that door. We had a wonderful time together and she got on a plane a day later to go back east. But this time it felt different — I wanted her to stay and never go.

I realized I wanted her in a more tender way than for just sex. After a fair bit of time, I may be seriously falling in love. How do I tell her this, when we live so far apart and have careers we worked hard to build in two different cities?

— Longing For Her, Osborne Village

Dear Longing: “Why didn’t you tell me you wanted me seriously?” is one of the saddest things old lovers can say to one another, too far down the road.

You are starting to feel serious about her, and maybe she’s developing the same feelings for you. Do you think the shift in feelings is mutual? You have to find out now.

If your Winnipeg doorbell is just a lark for her to have some great sex, then this woman is still “just in lust” and there’s no mutual level of interest.

You’ll really have to ask her outright and see how she feels about you — and steel yourself for whatever answer she gives. It could be disappointing, but it also could be wonderful, along the lines of “I’m so glad you told me. Now let’s do something about it!”

Some of the best marriages started out as great friendships, with physical attraction and a flirting component.

There seems to be some real hope here, so get on it!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A guy in a Santa Claus suit has been strolling down our back lane ringing a bell and yelling, “Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!” for a couple of nights in a row since the snow came.

The neighbours seem to think he’s a drunk. They suspect he’s the same guy who came dancing through here at Halloween in costume and some say we should call the cops — but I think he’s fun.

What is the matter these days that people have no sense of humour? Anytime anyone does something a bit different, they want to call the police. I think we should invite him in. What’s your opinion?

— Loving the Laughs, Fort Garry

Dear Loving the Laughs: I’m all for surprises and laughter, especially as snow has finally arrived to put us in the mood. Your group of neighbours has nothing to fear if you invite St. Nick in and give him some goodies to eat and cocoa to drink. You might skip the booze for everybody’s sake, including Santa and the reindeer!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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