Extricate selves from friends’ withering wedlock

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My closest girlfriend is getting ready to leave her husband, and he doesn’t know it.

My husband is also friends with her hubby, and I feel guilty as sin keeping the secret.

I broke down and told my husband about it this week — and now he feels uncomfortable keeping the secret from the husband.

I wish my friend would just leave her husband already and get it over with, but it’s dragging on and on!

She complains about him to me all the time, which bothers my man, because he knows him. Should I refuse to listen anymore?

— Unsettling Secret, East Kildonan

Dear Unsettling Secret: Sadly, your friend may never be ready to leave her husband, as she can release the pressure she’s feeling just by threatening to do the deed to friends like you.

You and your husband should both back off now from your close friendships with this couple. While you may want to be there for your girlfriend, if you and your man both maintain close contact with this husband and wife, it’ll likely mess up communication between the two of them, as there are sure to be mixed messages making the rounds among the four of you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was sitting at the dentist’s office on a freezing-cold day with a bad toothache, just waiting for my turn, when this woman carrying her crying young daughter came through the door.

The nurse greeted her and said she could take the child in — right after me. I said above the child’s loud bawling, “I’ll be OK. Please take her first.” Then the mother took off her hat and scarf and turned around and said, “Thank you so much!” It was my old girlfriend from high school! She recognized me as well.

Shocked, I just blurted out, “That’s OK, no problem!”

Then she went in with her daughter, and guilt flared up in me worse than my toothache. I owe my ex an apology, big-time. I wanted out of my family home so badly after graduating high school that I rushed my ex-girlfriend out of our grad dance and drove her home — even though she really wanted to go a party where all of our close classmates would be.

I did that because I had to be up super-early the next day to hitchhike west with my buddy to work construction.

I didn’t even write my poor girlfriend a letter or phone her to explain what I was doing — I just ran away like a coward.

Things are much different now. I have a trade and a good job in Winnipeg. I know a person who would have my ex-girlfriend’s contact info. Should I reach out to her and apologize, or would that just cause more trouble?

— Guilt-Ridden Guy, Wolseley

Dear Guilt-Ridden Guy: Your high school girlfriend will likely be thinking about you after the nice thing you did for her distressed daughter at the dentist’s office. Therefore, this is the perfect time to chance calling her and apologizing for running away after graduation. It may heal old wounds for both of you. If you don’t jump at this opportunity, you’ll regret it.

If you are able to contact her, it doesn’t need to be lengthy call, but it does need to be remorseful, on your part. But after apologizing, at least ask her how she’s doing and what she’s been up to over the years.

Who knows? Maybe you’ll become friends with her. And if that doesn’t pan out, at least you’ll have put things right, to some degree, in your own mind, and your high school girlfriend will feel better as well.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My family background is Irish and we always have a little celebration on St. Patrick’s Day — a special dinner with a shamrock-decorated cake made by the kids. Then we make some calls to family and friends back in Ireland. It makes me feel homesick, to be honest, but you can’t live in two places at once.

My husband is not of Irish heritage — he just wishes he was! How can we make it a really memorable day this year?

— Irish Lass From Way Back, West End

Dear Irish Lass: Sing a couple of lines of When Irish Eyes Are Smiling as a family group into the phone when you’re winding up the call — and it may steal their hearts away!

Also, it might start something. The next time you call, the Irish folks may have a sign-off tune for you as well . Then you can have another one ready for next time, and so on. It’s fun to play games like this, and it’s a great excuse to make more calls and talk more than just around the usual holidays.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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