Extricate yourself from traumatizing triangle

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: There’s a problem at work with my ex-love. I’m single and he has finally left his wife again because he says he wants me back.

But here’s the stumbling block: I got over him with expensive professional help, and I just can’t take him back. He almost broke me emotionally and financially. I had to keep working with him and keep a stiff upper lip throughout my recovery.

Now he says his love for me never went away, but mine did when he went back to his wife and stayed. I had a broken heart and nobody in my arms. He went back to a wife who wanted to show him that her love was still alive. They also have several young kids together.

I admit I’m still physically attracted to him, but I can’t go through any more time as part of a painful triangle. What should I do? How do I tell him I can’t take a chance on another breakup down the road, or I’ll lose my mind?

— Can’t Do Hell Again, southwestern Manitoba

Dear Can’t Do Hell Again: He’s a devil trying to tempt you to go back through that fiery tunnel again. Get more help instead.

Call your counselling professional and book an appointment so you can fight off this temptation. And consider this: you really need to look for a different job somewhere else in order to stop seeing this person, then you’ll have a better chance at building a new life with a different person who is free to love you back.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I work together in the same office. With the arrival of the really cold weather my neighbour has asked more and more frequently if she might be able to get a ride to her work with us. Her office building is right next door to ours.

But she offers us no money for gas. Basically, my husband and I are paying for her transportation, like a favour. I don’t like going out of my house in the morning when she’s inevitably kicking the sidewalk and waiting for us.

She’s not a friendly neighbour otherwise — she never even says hello to me when it’s nice out and she can ride her bike to work.

Am I being selfish in not wanting to take her? What should we do?

— Annoyed, Fort Garry

Dear Annoyed: This can be the coldest part of a Manitoba winter and neighbours need to be kind. Do you really need this woman’s money for gas? If so, ask her if she can offer up a small amount to share in gas costs.

If she can’t, take her to work in your warm vehicle anyway, as long as she promises to be waiting for you on time.

It’s the humane thing to do in this freezing weather. Try to imagine yourself in her cold boots.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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