Take things slower the second time around

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Several years ago I met a man at a concert and we hit it off like fireworks.

At the time, he and I were both living with other partners who didn’t want to go to the show. He had flown in from another province for the event and before we said goodbye, he kissed me and said, “Beautiful lady, someday we’ll be together.”

Well, we’ve seen each other since — every chance we’ve had. Finally, we’re both officially free, and he got a job here in Winnipeg. We’ve been together every available moment ever since.

So what is my problem? We’re in love and I want to get married to this guy. He is the love of my life. But for him, marriage is not that desirable after his bad experience with divorce. It would really mean a lot to me. What now?

— In a Hurry, Exchange District

Dear Hurry: If your feelings have lasted this long and you are both happy now, you don’t need to push. Escaping this man’s marriage might have been much tougher and with bigger consequences than the split you experienced. Perhaps he needs to find out how well it would go living with you first — and to be fair, you need to find out the same.

People definitely should be more cautious the second time around. You need plenty of time to meet each other’s extended families, and hopefully feel a part of that group. Take it easy for now. You won’t regret it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My “look-alike” has started working in the shopping centre where I work and is coming to the same place I like to eat lunch a few times a week.

We steal looks at each other. We look like twins. I’m an adopted child and I want to go and talk to her but I’m afraid I’ll burst out with, “Are you my sister?” and scare her away. What should I do?

— Feeling So Tempted, Elmwood

Dear Tempted: If you’re both coming to the same place repeatedly, it’s likely she has noticed you look like her twin, too, and she wants to ask as well.

The next time you are both there, walk over to her table and say, “I can’t help but notice we look very similar. I’m adopted. Are you?”

It could be the start of a friendship, even if you aren’t twins, at least to your knowledge.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I had a fight where we both accused each other of becoming boring. Our marriage is definitely boring, though.

We are being a little critical toward each other because we do nothing of interest together. All we do is work, come home, eat, sleep and go to work again.

We used to do a lot together socially with friends and relatives, but we kind of let them go, and just brought up our children. But now those kids have moved out. Help us please.

— Too Boring For Words, St. James

Dear Boring: Start with a cooking class with your partner to gain some sumptuous skills and add exciting dishes to the home repertoire you can cook and savour together.

Then you can also surprise friends and relatives by throwing a dinner party to show off the new culinary skills.

Hosting this first get-together might in turn get you invited to dinner parties and soirées where you can expand your social circle and get out of your boring rut.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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