DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was cleaning under the deck after the snow melted and turned up a muddied letter that missed our mailbox a couple months ago. It fell through the deck planks, so I fished it out and cleaned it off.

The letter was from a name I recognized — an old boyfriend who was quite the drinker and loved his wine.

He also loved writing poems and inside was some of his verse, dated Feb 14. I read it and it was very sweet, and so sad. He says still dreams of me at night and asked if I’m still married. Yes, I’m married and he darn well knows it.

Should I answer his letter?

— His Old Love, Fort Garry

Dear Old Love: Send him a card saying something like: “I just found your letter and poem today. It must have fallen through our deck when it was delivered. I hope you are well, and it was nice of you to think of me. And yes, I’m still married, but I wish you all the best in love and life.”

Yes, it’s a kiss-off, but he really needs to know the score.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Our oldest grandson, who is eight, asked my wife — his grandma — if his parents can still make babies, and she said, “That’s a question to ask your parents.”

He said, “I already know about them doing it because I can hear them make noises in bed. Do really old people have sex?”

Grandma went red and ducked out of the room in a hurry to come to tell me. I know these questions are going to come up more, especially if the kids’ parents won’t talk to them about the subject, but whose business is it to answer their queries? My wife thinks it’s not our job, but I think it’s really important and feel we shouldn’t shut the grandkids down on the topic of sex. What do you think?

— Looking For Answers, West Kildonan

Dear Looking: As kids get older, they tend to get their sexual information from other kids — siblings, cousins and friends at school. The trouble is that info is often partially wrong or completely messed up.

This is the time to talk to their parents (your kids) and inform them their young ones are asking you these questions and they deserve real answers. You would also be smart to buy some of the great new books out there on this topic and share them between households. Then everybody has the same factual information.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I never thought my old high school love would return and come looking for me, but he has. He’s way more mature than when he left home and started working outside Canada.

Now it’s obvious he’s looking to be a serious contender for my love. It’s a shock that he’s back and so grown up — more adult-like than I feel. How do I react? I’m flustered.

— Not Ready for Serious Love, rural Manitoba

Dear Not Ready: Take some time to get to know each other again, and tell your old love clearly that you know you’re not as far down the maturity road as he is yet. He may want to wait for you, or he may be in a big hurry to get on with a new stage in his life. If so, let him go. Don’t make the mistake of trying to bend your mind to where he is now if it doesn’t feel natural.

Be brave enough to ask if he met someone on his travels he’s left behind and may still be missing. You need the whole picture now, not just part of it. You don’t want to be a substitute for someone else he’s pining for.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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